The best is yet to come
by britanastonay
Summary: Callie wakes one night when she firsts comes to the fosters house after having a nightmare. Panic attacks are nothing new to her, she insists she can face them alone. But when Stef and Lena find her will she realize that maybe she doesn't have to?
1. Chapter 1

Callie woke up to the feeling of panic. This was nothing new to her the last few weeks almost every night she would wake up feeling like this. Some not as bad this one how ever seemed to be the worst so far. She couldn't get enough air in her lungs no matter how much she tried and willed her lungs to work. Her chest was tight and felt like some one was sitting on it, her heart beating out of her chest. She could deal with this panic attack she had done it many times before but she hated that she had no idea what set it off. Obviously a dream had been the cause but she could never remember what they were, sometimes she didn't know if that was a blessing or a curse…

Looking over at Mariana she mad the decision to leave the room. Callie would feel awful if she was the cause of her sister not getting enough sleep on a school night, well hell any night she would feel bad. Add the fact she knew if her sister saw her in the middle of a panic attack she would go wake up Stef or Lena. That was the last thing she wanted. Her foster mothers worked so hard during the day and then came home to take care of five teenagers, they deserved their sleep. They really didn't need to be woken up because Callie had a bad dream. Fresh air would help clear her pounding head she decided now if only she could get her shaking legs to work long enough to carry her from the room her and Mariana shared to the back yard without waking anyone.

Slowly she crept down the stairs using the wall to balance her self. Shaking her head as she felt another wave of panic creeping up on her. Willing her mind to shut off she cleared the step that creaked if you put any amount of pressure on it. Though clearing her head didn't really work as she wanted the panic just seamed to attack her body instead making her breaths come out in short breaths and her eye site to go into tunnel vision. Her chest hurt like hell and she was sweating like crazy but she had three more steps. Though to her it felt like thirty.

"Come on Callie just breath you can get through this, its just a panic attack you can get through this.." She whispered to her self, her voice horse from the ragged breathing.

As she reached the bottom of the stairs it felt like she had just run a marathon. Leaning against the wall she pressed her forehead to the wall letting the coolness of it seep into her skin and calm her some. God panic attacks suck she though as she stumbled forward to the kitchen. Her eye sight blurred from the tears. The attack was getting worse her legs could barley carry her anymore. Placing her back to the wall she slid down until she reached the floor resting her head on her knees she curled into her self.

Upstairs both moms had heard on of their kids open a door and head down stairs, they could hear what sounded like something dragging against the wall. Looking at each other they both climbed out of bed to go investigate. Stef went ahead of Lena incase it wasn't one of the kids. Reaching the stairs they immediately saw Callie sitting on the bottom of the stairs her arms wrapped around her knees and her body shaking from sobs.

Both quickly descended the stairs to get to their daughter.

"Callie?" Lena whispered as to not scare the girl. Kneeling down she placed a hand on the girls shoulder to ler her know where she was. Though her plan didn't exactly work as callies head whipped up in fear and backed further into the wall.

"Hey sweets its okay, you are okay." Stef said kneeling next to her wife.

"She's having a panic attack Stef." Lena looked at Callie speaking in the most soothing voice she could muster, though it cracked slightly from seeing her daughter in this vulnerable position. "Will you go get a cool damp rag?" Stef nodded and hesitantly left both of their sides not wanting to leave either of them like this, her protective side was in full swing right now.

"Callie baby, I'm know this is hard but I'm going to need you to listen to me love. You're okay you're mom and I are right here nothing bad is going to happen to you. You are safe. But we need to get your breathing under control. Can you do that for me Hun?" Taking Callie's hand in her own she pressed it against her chest so Callie could feel her own calm breathing. "Breath in through your nose and out her mouth slowly. We don't want you to pass out from hyperventilating." She stopped talking and showed Callie what she meant by doing it a few times like that. By this time Stef had reappeared and placed the cool rag on her daughters neck and was brushing the hair from her face and running her fingers through the girls hair slightly messaging her scalp. It calmed the rest of her children when they were scared she hoped this worked with Callie as well.

Whether it was from the soothing voice of Lena's or the calming way Stef was brushing her hair out of the way Callie started to calm and was able to focus on her breathing. The jagged short puffs of air she was getting slowly turned into long streams of air filling her lungs.

"That's it sweets just breath like that, we have you." Stef's voice filled her ears. She didn't understand why their voices were so calming to her, but boy was she glad it was helping. Her body hurt.

They sat like this for over forty minutes until Callie had relaxed enough and the panic attack was over.

"I'm sorry." Callie's hoarse voice filled the early morning air.

"What on earth are you sorry about sweets?" Stef looked over at Callie with a raised eyebrow. She was genuinely curious as to why the girl was apologizing"

"I woke you guys up. You need your sleep. I was trying to get down here before anyone heard me. I could have dealt with it on my own you guys could have just went back to bed. You work so hard you don't need to deal with me freaking out you have enough on your plates. And… And I'm just adding to it."

"Callie love, I'm going to have to argue with you on this one. You should have come and woke us up. I don't care if I just pulled a twelve hour shirt, I would rather you come wake one of us up instead of you dealing with this on your own. We are moms it is what we do." Stef said with a serious tone. She didn't know how many times they told Callie to come get them if she needed anything no matter what time of day it was.

"

"But.." Callie started but was soon cut off by Lena who gave her a pointed look.

"No, no buts its our jobs as moms and you could have hurt your self what would you have done if you passed out on the stairs and fell down them injuring your self?" This really caught Callie's attention she hadn't thought about that. Noticing callie looked down Lena caught the girls chin and lifted it with one finger so he would look her in the eyes. "We understand coming to someone for help is hard for you. We get you think you have to be strong all of the time" Smiling softly at the girl she brushed Callies bangs out of her eyes. "But with us let us be the strong ones, we will be here for you to lean on."

Callie bit her lip and looked from both women who were sitting in front of her. Letting there words sink in she slowly nodded.

"Ill try I cant promise anything but." She took a breath and let it out slowly her lungs still slightly burning from not getting enough air for so long. "But I will try." Both women smiled knowing that it wasn't going to be an easy road to get the young girl to open up completely with them but this was a start.

"Do you want to talk about what set this attack off love?" Lena asked. The question had been burning in both of the mothers minds from the moment they had found the girl at the bottom of the stairs.

"I actually umm.. Well I actually don't know? I guess a dream? Maybe? But im fine now you guys can go back to bed I know its late well early I guess." She said as she looked through the window and show the sun was starting to rise.

Raising an eye brow Stef looked from her wife to Callie. Did the girl really think they were going to leave her after finding her having a panic attack? Looking into the girls eyes she sighed softly as she saw that their daughter was being completely serious. Noticing the look Stef was giving her Callie's eyes dropped to the floor.

"Well I mean all three of us could go back up to the room and get a little more sleep. Thankfully it is Saturday. I don't know about you but if I don't get enough sleep I just cant function." Stef said with a smirk as Callie's eyes shot back up to hers after hearing her say the three of them would be going up to their room.

"I can just stay down here. Really you guys can just go back to bed I usually cant go back to bed after having a panic attack I usually just hang out down here so I don't wake Mariana up." Lena and Stef looked at each other both silently communicating with each other, neither missed the fact that Callie had said she has had panic attacks before.

How often do these happen Callie?" Stef asked her voice sounding more like a mothers now. Slightly filled with worry but another part had a slightly more stern tone to it. Callies eyes widened slightly thinking back on what she had just said, that was not supposed to slip out. But god was she tired the sleepless nights were apparently wearing out her brain and filter.

"Uh well umm I guess the past three weeks?" She mumbled but knew both mothers had heard it.

"Alright we will talk about this more once we wake up but the tree of us are going to go up to the room and get more sleep. And before you argue yes Callie you are going to sleep in our room just incase" To Callie's surprise it was Lena who had said this usually she was the more calm one and never really told her what to do. But if Callie was being honest with her self she actually kind of wanted to sleep in their room. She missed when she was little and her mom would chase away her fears.

Callie nodded even though it didn't matter at that point Stef was already helping her off the floor and leading her back up the stairs.

When they reached the room Stef lead Callie to the bed and pulled the covers back and patted the bed.

"Hop in sweets." Swallowing thickly Callie climbed in the exhaustion taking over her argument. Both moms climbed in on both sides of her and for once Callie felt safe. Like nothing could hurt her. She knew thinking like that was dangerous but all those thoughts were wiped away when she felt Stefs had cover her own.

"Stop thinking so much and close your eyes, you will have time to think in the morning. Just go to sleep and remember we have you." Smiling softly Callie closed her eyes with one last thought she fell asleep. She could definitely get used to not taking on the world by her self.


	2. Chapter 2

Stef lied in bed that morning staring up at the ceiling with a thousand things on her mind, most of all the talk that was going to happen later that day. Looking over at her partner and daughter she smiled seeing that Callie had migrated more and more over to Lena's side and now was cuddling with the woman. Callie had her head on Lena's chest and Lena's arms were wrapped protectively around the young girl. It warmed her heart and brought a smile to her face, the girl usually shied away from any form of comfort. Stef just wished the girl would let them comfort her when she was actually awake. When ever Callie would let them was usually when she was tired but it still brightened the mothers day knowing that Callie was getting more and more comfortable around the family.

Looking at the clock on her night stand Stef sighed once again she would have to talk to the other kids soon and try to get them out of the house, knowing that Callie would be more willing to open up with less sets of ears in the house. Especially Jude's Callie hardly ever showed any weakness around the boy, never letting his see her be anything but strong.

Rolling out of bed carefully so she didn't wake the other two Stef snuck out of the room heading to the kitchen where she heard the rest of her children talking. She paused at the door way watching then all joke and laugh as they made their own breakfasts though most of them were just getting bowls of cereal.

"Hey guys?" She paused waiting for them to look at her.

When they did they could all see something was wrong taking in the tired look on her face and the bags under her eyes. It was clear she didn't get much sleep that night. "Do you think you guys could get out of the house for a few hours today?"

"Why what's going on?" Mariana asked. She had already been worried when she didn't see Callie in her bed. "Is Callie okay? She isn't in her bed."

"Callie's fine love she is up stairs sleeping in our bed with mama. She just had a rough night and Mama and I just need to talk to her." She paused and looked to Jude looking him right in the eye noticing the worried look on his face knowing he was going to the worst case scenario. Both of the Jacobs siblings always thought they were going to be kicked out and she really didn't want to send the boy out worrying that he was going to be sent away or split from his sister. "She isn't in trouble or anything I promise buddy." She could see the wheels still turning in his head and the struggle going on behind his eyes still not fully believing what his mom was telling him.

" Sweets I promise you can talk to Callie when you guys get back tonight, Mama and I just really need to talk to her okay?" He just nodded the family had never given him a reason not to trust them. Looking to the older kids she smiled softly.

"Can you guys take him to a movie or maybe the arcade today and make sure you all have lunch? I will give you some money so you don't get too bored today. I will call you when it is okay to come home." Agreeing they left to go get ready for the day even though Callie wasn't going with them they were still excited to have a sibling day.

A half hour later they were heading out the door with the promise to look after each other and to keep their phones on. Stef saw them out then headed back to the kitchen to get her and Lena a cup of coffee. For a second she thought about grabbing Callie a cup as well but Lena really didn't like the kids drinking it.

Heading back up stairs with a cup in each hand she tried to prepare her self for the conversation ahead, knowing it was most likely going to be like pulling teeth to get Callie to open up. Her and Lena had talked a little about it after Callie had fallen asleep knowing they needed to get the girl to open up to them. She was having panic attacks way too regularly, it was not good for her mental or physical health.

As she reached the room a smile grew across her lips as she saw Callie hadn't moved an inch and looked so peaceful just laying in Lena's arms.

"Good morning love." Lena whispered as she saw Stef enter the room. "I hope one of those are for me." Nodding Stef handed her the cup with cream and sugar in it just the way Lena liked it. Taking a drink Lena murmured a thank you.

"The rest of the kids are out of the house. I figured it would be easier on Callie if it was just us home." Smiling sadly Lena looked down at their daughter wishing they could just magically fix the panic attacks so she didn't have to go through them anymore.

"We should wake her its getting late."

"Callie love its time to wake up sweet heart." Lena brushed the bangs out of the girls eyes as she saw the girls eyes start to flutter open. As soon as Callie noticed the position she was in she scooted back out of Lena's arms. The memories of last night rushing back to her. Both mothers saw all the emotions play out across her face before she looked up at them her walls thrown back up.

"We have to talk about this love." Stef said as she patted Callie's leg.

"We really don't I'm fine." Callie mumbled as she sat up with her back to the head board pulling her legs to her chest away from her moms hand. Knowing she wasn't going to get out of this conversation.

"That's the thing Hun you aren't fine. Having panic attacks isn't a normal thing. And I know you don't like this but you have to talk to some one Callie. Maybe talking about what is causing them will help not to have them" Lena said ignoring Callie moving away from them and reached for the girls hand placing hers on top of hers. Callie just looked down to the hand staying quiet for a few moments.

How could she talk about it if she couldn't remember what her dreams were only remembering the fear she felt. Her life to this point had been filled with nothing but heart break and fear. It could be anything that caused them. From the abuse in her past foster homes to Liam. She shuddered as she though about him, even the name made her uncomfortable. No way was she going to talk to them about that. Hell talking about any of this she was afraid they were going to realize she was broken beyond repair. Way to far to be saved. They were just going to send her and Jude away. They were going to just give up on her. And she didn't think she could handle being sent away from this family. It was the only time she felt she could have a real family. A forever home. But she also knew on the other hand if she shut them out they could send her away too. They would think she didn't want to be her and that was the farthest thing from the truth.

Stef and Lena looked over her seeing she was lost in her own head noticing the silent struggle that was going on. The pain and fear was evident on her face. They were about to say something when Callie's voice broke the silence sounding so scared and defeated.

"That is the thing though, how do I talk about it when I don't know why I am having them? They could be caused from a million things. Some things I am not ready to talk about." She looked up to the women her eyes filled with unshed tears. "How do I even begin to talk about anything when I've worked so hard to push these memories away and be strong for Jude?" The tears started spilling out of her eyes now. All the memories flooding into her mind was causing her heart to beat faster and her breath to come in shorter bursts of air. Lena scooted closer to her rubbing soothing circles on the girls back whispering for her to breath slowly. They waited for Callie to calm down some before continuing.

"Sweets we aren't saying you need to talk about everything now. This is a start and we aren't going to force you to do anything but we want you to know we are here for you. We aren't going any where." Stef slid her thumbs across the girls cheeks wiping the tears away her own eyes misty with tears.

"But we do want you to come to us when ever you are having one you don't need to go through that alone ever again. We love you Callie you are our daughter love." Lena said smiling softly at the girl. "Its not good for you you aren't getting any sleep. Even if you just want to crawl in bed with me and mom we have no problem with that even if it is three or four in the morning. But like we said earlier we think it would be healthy if you talked to some one it doesn't even have to be us. We could find someone for you to talk to"

Callie sat there listening to the women who she was coming to see as her mothers. She could hear the love in their voices and the concern as well. Hearing them say something about finding someone for her to talk to she shook her head vigorously.

"No no shrink please I-I will talk to you guys just please no shrink." Taking a deep shaky breath she closed her eyes.

"I know you guys want me to open up and I want to try I trust you guys more than I've really ever trusted anyone but its hard, its so hard. My mind is screaming at me to be strong and just deal with it like normal." Running her fingers through her hair she slid of the bed she was starting to feel Closter phobic and her muscles were starting to tighten again. This is why she didn't talk about feelings this is always what happened. "I don't want you to give up on me but I don't know if I can fully say everything. I cant just leave my soul bare. Some things you guys just don't need to hear. They were hard enough to deal with when they happened but I did it to protect Jude I could deal with that. But you guys don't need to be put through it too I cant protect you if I am the one making you guys live through it too." She stopped pacing the room to look at the two women on the bad. She didn't even know if she was making any sense but it was already said.

Stef stood up crossing the room to stand right in front of Callie placing her hands on the girls shoulders and looked straight into her eyes.

"Callie listen to me and I mean really listen. We will NEVER and I mean NEVER give up on you. You could tell me you killed a man once and we still wouldn't give up on you. I may have to report it being a cop and all but we would still be there for you. And you don't need to protect us from anything. Your past may be hard for us to hear but you do not need to protect us. We are your mothers and that means knowing the good the bad and the ugly everything Callie you don't need to protect us." Callie tried pulling away but Stef held tight.

"I do need to protect you that's what I don't. I have done it for Jude for so long it's the only thing I am good at."

"No it is not love you are an amazing talented beautiful girl. You should have never been put in that position to protect Jude the way you did. And I know it happened more than we will ever know, but now you need to let some one look after you guys. That is our job and that is what we are doing now love." Lena said now standing to join the two women at the end of the bed. "We love you Callie and we would never hurt you" By this point all three of them had tears streaming down their face. Both Lena and Stef could see the emotions were wearing the girl out.

"Alright why don't we head down stairs and take a break for a bit and grab an early lunch." Lena spoke aloud though both were thinking it already. They could feel the relief fill Callie as all the tension left her body.

"But first I think our girl here needs a mama sandwich " The first time that morning a smile spread across Callie's face as her moms smothered her with hugs and kisses.


	3. Chapter 3

The rest of the day for the women was pretty relaxing. Callie was still on edge with the memories of her past still fresh on her mind filling her every thought. She was trying her best not to let it show, she was trying her best not to let the older women see it they were already worried enough as is. She didn't want them worrying about her even more. Slowly she was building her walls back up. Callie couldn't understand how they had so easily broken through all of her defenses. Her mind was telling her not to let them in every time she thought she could trust someone they had let her down. They had broken her heart. The only person she could trust was Jude but yet she never told him everything that had happened to her. He was still so innocent and she preferred it to be that way. The system hadn't ruined him yet like it had her. That was something she had worked so hard to make sure of the only thing that gave her life any meaning. As long as he was safe she could take any beating any thing for him so he could stay the way he was. But here they were at the fosters they were safe, in her mind she knew that but there was still that voice that over powered the rest telling her they were going to give up on her once they knew everything about her. Once they knew how broken she was. Sure they had told her they would never give up on her something no one had ever told her before but promises were easy to break. They were just words told in the heat of the moment. She was just a foster kid, nothing more. That was her title in life. Just a foster kid who wrecked any hope of her and Jude being adopted. She was damaged goods.

"Hey are you okay sweets?" Callie's head flew up from looking down at her plate where she had just been pushing her lunch around. Stef's voice had broken through the fog in her mind.

"Hmm?" She really didn't hear what Stef had said only knew that she was talking to her.

"Are you okay? You have just been pushing your food around. If you want something else we can make you something else?" Looking back down at her plate Callie realized she really hadn't eaten any of the lunch Lena had made the three of them.

"Oh uh no it's good sorry I was just lost in my head I guess." Taking a deep breath she took a bite of the food forcing her self to swallow. Her stomach wasn't really cooperating She felt nauseous, all the emotions she was having wasn't something she was used to. The talk this morning had brought everything she had pushed down in the past back to the surface.

"Are you sure love it's really not a big deal." Lena said as she sat next to Callie rubbing the girls back as she did trying to comfort the girl. Both women could see the struggle going on behind her eyes. They hadn't said anything at first knowing the girl needed to work through some stuff in her mind but she hadn't spoken or really moved besides when she would push the food around on her plate for the past thirty minutes.

"I'm fine really. Just a lot going on in my mind you know?" She said with a nervous laugh. She really didn't know how to deal with all of what was happening. These women were acting like they cared about her like their own children. Love? That was strange to her. She couldn't remember what it felt like. Their mom had died so long ago she couldn't remember the last time she was love. She didn't know how to deal with that feeling and it was making her nervous. How do you respond to love when you don't know how? Sighing Callie pushed her plate away from her. Her stomach couldn't handle eating right now.

"Are you not hungry?" Stef asked as soon as the young girl pushed the plate away and laid her head on the table. All she got was a shake of the girls head in response. She waited for a real answer but when she got none she nodded. Stef hated not being able to see the girls face. Normally she could sense what was going on with the girl her eyes showed everything. But her body language spoke volumes as well, the girls hands that her clasped behind her head were shaking slightly and her body was tense. "Alright we will save this for later but you will be eating later. Stef left the table to set the food in the fridge as soon as she opened the fridge a loud crash of the stool hitting the ground caused her to almost drop the plate, she had been wondering when Callie would break down and apparently it was happening now.

"Why do you care?!" Turning back around she saw Callie standing behind the over turned stool and Lena was standing not to far from her, her wife's face showing more shock than Stef's at the moment.

"What do you mean sweets we are going to need more than that to answer your question." She said calmly slowly walking towards the tense girl, her voice was calm and soothing. She had been expecting this response this morning.

"Why do you care about me? About what happens to me?" Her voice was just as tense and sharp as her body was. With every step Stef took towards her she took a half step backwards. "Why do you keep saying you love me? How can you? You don't know me." Stef glanced down at the girls hands which were clenched into tight fists and shaking more noticeably now.

"What's not to love?" She shot back with her own question trying to get Callie to open up to her more. She knew that if a person was like this they were open up more they were less in control. And not giving Callie the answers that she was asking for was going to get Callie frustrated. It might not be the best approach but Callie was so much like her and Stef knew the girl would react to not getting the answers she wanted.

"What's not to love!? There is an entire list! You cant even give me an answer you know its true. I am just a foster kid. That is all I will ever be to any one. That and a punching bag. That's all I have ever been in my life and all I will ever be. You cant say you love someone when you don't even truly know them. You know what I allow you to know. I am worthless to this world. That is one thing this system has taught me Stef. You cant trust anyone when you are in this system, when you do they throw that trust back at you and use all of your weaknesses against you. I am just a broken kid. I. Am.. Unlovable. So don't say you love me when you really don't. And I know you don't because I cant be loved. I don't even know what it is." By this point her voice had quieted but her entire body was shaking with frustration. No matter how much she yelled and screamed at the women in front of her they both just stayed calm not a single rise came out of them. She wished they would scream or raise a hand to her. She knew how to deal with that but their calmness and looks of love were frustrating her. She didn't understand it. This had never happened. Even as she was breaking down in front of them they looked at her like she could do no wrong. "I cant.." She couldn't even finish the sentence as a sob tore through her body.

Her head was spinning as her breaths started becoming tighter. She was already having problems breathing from crying and now she could feel the onset of a panic attack doming on. Usually when she didn't know how to deal with something this happened but most times she was able to calm it down when she knew it was happening but now that she was letting all her feelings out she couldn't stop it.

As soon as Stef saw what was happening both her and Lena rushed forward catching the girl as she fell to her knees. Both women wrapping their arms around her holding her tight.

Callie just kept mumbling I cant over and over again. Both Lena and Stef knew what she meant by it. She cant be loved. But she was wrong from the moment they met the girl they loved her and that was not stopping any time soon.

"Shh Callie girl its alright we are hear for you. We love you baby with all of our hearts. Mom and I love you. We will tell you every day if you need it, but right now Love you have to calm down for us." It took about twenty minutes for Callie to calm down and stop crying as soon as she did she tried pulling away but as soon as she did both women tightened their grips on her.

"No sweets you are staying right her and listening okay." Stef mumbled into the girls hair sighing softly pulling away so she could see the girls face. Taking her sleeve she wiped the girls face off cleaning the tear marks away.

"First of all you are not unlovable. You will never be unlovable not to me and mamma. You are not worthless or disposable. You are so much more than you give your self credit for. When I look at you I see part of my heart running around outside of my body. I cant even begin to tell you how much I love you Callie. You are my daughter you may not be flesh but DNA doesn't matter. You are and will always be loved and mine and Mammas daughter. You belong in this family Callie." Pausing Stef looked at the girl noticing that wasn't truly getting though to her. She was just staring passed them. So she decided to change tactics to something she knew would get the girls attention." I have a question do you think we don't love Jude?" She looked expectantly at the girl watching her eyes fly to them and flicker with confusion. That got her attention why were they bringing Jude into this? He had nothing to do with this conversation.

"No I know you guys love him." She said confidently still not understanding where that question had came from. Who couldn't love Jude? He was such a sweet kid.

"Well sweets we don't know his past very well and with what you just said it means we cant love him."

"That's different" Callie interrupted not liking hearing what was just said.

"How is it different Callie? Its What you just said." Lena chimed in knowing exactly where Stef was getting to with her question. "His past is your past Callie and both of you are secretive about it." Realization hit Callie but she still just shook her head she couldn't believe it.

"Its different because Jude isn't broken he belongs here.'

"You aren't broken either Callie." Stef said with so much conviction and love that Callie could tell the woman actually believed it. It almost made Callie believe it as well. They all sat there letting Callie take in what was all said. Stef and Lena them selves were taking in everything that Callie had said. Both hearts breaking knowing that their daughter thought she couldn't be loved. That she was worthless. They knew this was going to be an uphill battle to get the girl to believe she was wanted and loved. But they knew in the end the battle would be worth it.


	4. Chapter 4

Callie was upstairs laying on her bed when she heard the rest of the kids get home. She envied them, she would have much rather go to the movies instead of the day she had. It was so emotionally draining. She had finally convinced Stef and Lena to let her go lay down after they had an early dinner. Both women had made sure she ate everything on her plate since she had skipped lunch and breakfast that day which is why they had had dinner so early. Sighing she stared up and the ceiling she was so emotionally drained and was feeling like she could fall asleep right then and their even though it was only almost nine o'clock on a Saturday night. Though who was she kidding she never had any plans on Saturdays besides the rare times she would let Mariana drag her to the mall. Not to say she didn't secretly enjoy those days. She loved spending time with her sister but if Mariana knew she didn't mind going to the mall they would be there every weekend.

When she heard a quiet knock on the bedroom door she figured it had to be Stef or Lena they had told her they would come check on her when she told them she was going to go lay down. It was motherly things they did like that that made her wish they were a little more like her past foster homes. Not because she liked being beaten but because they were growing on her, and If she were honest with her self she would admit that she already loved this family. And that was dangerous because she knew this was just a temporary home for her and Jude. They had breached all of her walls and she didn't like that. They were the only things that helped her protect her and Jude. If nothing bothered her and she felt nothing she could deal with the situations they were put in better.

Looking over at the door as it opened slightly she saw Jude poke his head in.

"Hey baby come on in." She saw his smile grow and pushed the door wide open rushing over to her bed and climbing in. scooting over so he had more room she put her arm around his shoulders.

"So how was your day buddy? Did you have fun? Stef and Lena told me that Brandon Jesus and Mariana took you too the arcade."

"It was fun, next time we go you should totally come." He said making sure to say next time so he could gauge Callie's reaction to see if there actually would be a next time. He really did have fun with the older kids and that kind of made him feel bad seeing as Callie wasn't enjoying the day with them.

"Oh yeah totally I will make sure next time you guys go I am with you." She said a small smile creeping across her lips. She was glad he had fun. She could tell by the way his eyes lit up when she asked him about it his voice was very excited. They had never really had a chance to go to the arcade their past foster homes wouldn't splurge on them like that. The only time they had gone was for one of their foster siblings birthdays and even then they just sat on the side lines watching. Their foster parents at the time wouldn't give them money for any games. It killed Callie as she saw her bothers face as he longed to join the other kids playing. But with the Fosters it was different they paid for everything, He really liked this family.

"So there is going to be a next time?" He asked his voice now holding a more serious tone to it. She could feel him now looking up at her and she refused to look down at him. She was hoping they didn't tell him why she wasn't going with them. "Stef said they needed to talk to you this morning and wouldn't tell me what it was about. I thought.." he trailed off not wanting to think about not being with this family.

Callie let out a relieved breath they didn't tell him about the panic attacks. He didn't know about them. But hearing the sadness in his voice caused her to look down at him seeing his misty eyes she just wanted to reassure him.

"No buddy it was nothing like that. I just had a bad dream last night and they wanted me to get some more sleep." She started to slowly run her fingers through his hair. This was keeping both her and him relaxed.

"They wouldn't have asked us to leave the house for you just to sleep. And Stef told me they needed to talk to you."

"They did I just had a bad dream buddy and they thought I needed to talk about it. But that is all it was just a bad dream." He could tell she was lying maybe not fully but there was something he wasn't telling him She always kept stuff from him and it was really starting to frustrate him. This was his life too.

"I'm not stupid you know I know it was more than just a bad dream Callie. I just wish you would realize you don't have to protect me anymore we are safe here." With that he stood and left the room muttering good night on the way out. Callie wanted to get up and run after him but when he was in one of these moods there was nothing she could do to calm him down.

He was right though he didn't need her to protect him here. He was comfortable at this house. And she was truly happy about it if anyone were to adopt Jude she would want it to be the Fosters.

Sighing she shook her head and looked at the clock it was now past ten and soon Mariana would be coming to bed. One thing about the Foster mothers they didn't let their kids stay up late even on weekends. Curfews were at ten and everyone was to be at least in their rooms by eleven. Callie got up to start getting ready for bed. She didn't want to deal with anyone else tonight. Her body and mind were just so tired she hoped she could actually stay asleep tonight.

Changing into a pair of pajama pants and a tank top she pulled the covers back on her bed and laid down. As soon as her head hit the pillow another knock sounded on the door making her let out a frustrated sigh.

"Come in" She called out hoping to hide the irritation in her voice. She just wanted a little alone time to be able to process everything that had happened in the past twenty four hours . The door swung open revealing Stef and Lena standing in the door.

"Hey love how are you doing?" Lena asked as they walked into the room she sat on the edge of Callie's bed looking down at the girl who reminded her so much of her partner, if she didn't know any better she would swear Callie came from Stef.

"I am fine just tired. I was going to go to bed." Callie said rolling on her side away from them hoping they would get the hint that she didn't want to be around anyone at the moment.

As she rolled over both moms shared a look, they knew it hadn't been a total break through today but they had hoped Callie would start letting them in more. But right now the girls walls were up full force.

"Alright sweets we will let you go to bed but we just came in to tell you good night and if you need anything tonight come get us. No matter what time okay Love?" They really didn't want to say anything about her panic attacks incase Mariana or any of the other kids came in. Callie had asked them not to tell anyone about them. They didn't think that was the best option not wanting to hide anything from their kids, but Callie had pleaded with them not wanting Jude to find out, and they had reluctantly agreed. They stared at the girls back waiting for an answer. But Callie just laid there not saying anything.

"Okay Callie?" Stef asked again placing her hand on their daughters ankle normally she would rub her back but she was standing behind Lena and her ankle was the easiest place to reach. They really needed her to say something anything to prove that she hadn't shut them out completely.

Callie closed her eyes hoping that if she didn't answer hearing them ask again she rolled her eyes and moved her legs out from under Stefs hand. Part of her was screaming at her not to be so difficult and she really couldn't understand why she was. Its like her brain and heart were battling. Her brain was saying she was just going to get hurt again just look at her past. But her heart knew she belonged here with this family. They weren't going to let her down like the rest had. Tonight though her brain was winning.

"Alright yes if something happens I will come get you. No matter what time." She really wasn't planning but she just wanted them to leave.

The moms stared at her for a moment longer before each taking a turn to kiss Callie on the head saying goodnight to her.

Honestly Callie wished she wasn't so stubborn and asked them to stay for a little while longer. Their presence was relaxing her and making her feel safe. But that is also why she wanted them to leave. She couldn't become fully dependant on them.

It didn't take her long to fall asleep that night, it was maybe ten minutes before the exhaustion took over and her mind drifted off to sleep. She didn't even hear Mariana enter the room and get ready for bed. Though her sleep didn't last long maybe an hour and a half.

Mariana had just put her phone down and started to drift of to sleep when Callie started mumbling in her sleep. This caught her attention because Callie was usually such a quiet sleeper. Looking back over at her sister she saw her roll over in bed.

"Callie." She whispered trying to see if Callie was really awake and trying to get comfortable or if she was still sleeping. But the sound of her sisters labored breathing was worrying her.

"No stop please." Callie's voice tore through the quiet room. She repeated those words a few times. This time Mariana turned on her bed side lamp to get a better view of Callie. She decided to get up to try and shake Callie awake. Before she could even get half way across the room Callie shot up in bed gasping for breath.

Callie couldn't breath and her mind wasn't awake enough to realize what was happening. Her lungs were burning as she gasped for breath trying to pull more and more into them. It felt like she was under water and someone was holding her under. Her head was swimming the only thing she could make any sense of was that her mind was yelling at her too run. Her vision was blurry and black spots were taking over her eye sight. She tried to stand up to listen to her mind that was screaming at her to run but her limbs were shaking so hard that she ended up just falling out of bed. Pressing her self against her night stand she tried clearing her head enough to get enough breath in her lungs. But the fact she couldn't breath was scaring her even more throwing her deeper into this panic attack. She didn't even realize Mariana was in front of her Calling her name.

"Callie! Callie? What's going on?" Seeing her sister fall out of bed and basically shove herself against the night stand like she was trying to disappear into it was freaking Mariana out. Add to the fact she wasn't even responding just shaking her head back and fourth didn't help Marianas concern.

"I am going to go get moms just. Just stay there okay?" She took off down the hallway to their moms room not bothering to knock, she went straight to Lena's side of the bed which was closest to her.

"Mama mom wake up" She shook Lena but both of her moms slowly sat up looking at their youngest daughter.

"What's wrong sweets?" Stef asked her mind was still slightly asleep not quite noticing the panic in Marianas voice.

"I don't know! Something's wrong with Callie. She sounded like she was having a nightmare and then she shot up and fell out of bed. It doesn't seem like she can breath. I didn't know how to help her!" Both got up quickly Stef running out of the room while Lena told Mariana to stay in their room and that Callie would be okay.

Mariana went to argue not wanting to not be there for her sister but she knew this was serious so she decided not to argue.

When Stef reached the room She was Callie sitting on the floor her knees brought to her chest and her hands were on either side of her head her fingers tangled in her hair. She was rocking slightly and her breath was short.

Kneeling in front of the girl like the night before Stef placed her hand on Callie's shoulder trying to get the girl to recognize her. What she didn't expect what Callie to fly backwards into the stand knocking everything off the top of it.

"No don't touch please! me I'm sorry." Callie was looking straight at her but her eyes were glazed over she was stuck in a memory. She really wasn't seeing Stef but the person she was afraid of.

"Callie? Love? Its me. It's Stef you are okay love. But I'm going to need you to come back to us love. You are okay no one here is going to hurt you. You aren't really there You are home you are safe." By this time Lena had entered the room and Was kneeling in front of the girl both keeping their distance not wanting to scare the girl even more but both knew they needed to get her out of that memory and soon.

"Come on love you need to come back to us and breath. Just like last night in through your nose out through your mouth." Lena kept repeating to her not wanting to touch the girl but hoped her voice was getting through to the girl. Slowly her breathing got deeper making it so she wasn't panicking about not being able to breath, which helped her pull her mind out of the memory and shove it back into the back of her mind. It took a few minutes but she was finally able to get her self out of her fight or flight state of mind and take in what was actually happening. Though she really didn't calm down much she was still terrified and her heart beat showed it. She felt like it was going to jump out of her chest.

When she felt a hand on her shoulder she looked up and Lena and fell into the woman's arms. Her pride could wait until tomorrow tonight she needed the comfort of her moms. They both wrapped their arms around her whispering soothing words to her. Repeating she was safe. At that moment she felt it. She felt their love wash away all of her fears.

"Come on love we are going to go have a sleep over in our bed with you sister. If I know her she's not going to want to be away from you tonight." She didn't even argue she was already going to ask them if she could sleep in their room she didn't want to be alone tonight. Callie let them lead her out of the room and down the hall to theirs where Mariana was pacing the room.

As soon as she heard the door open and she as her moms leading Callie into the Mariana ran over and hugged her sister.

"Don't ever scare me like that again. I thought you were dying. What happened? Are you okay?" Callie looked up at their moms pleading with them to answer for her.

Lena caught the look and smiled sadly. Finally Callie was letting them look after her but what had broke the girls stubbornness to the point she was actually craving attention from them and wanting them to look after her?

"She's okay. Lets just all get some sleep." Mariana looked like she wanted to argue. But a look from Stef had her choose not to. She knew when to push and when not to.

"Alright my loves lets all climb into bed and try and get some sleep yeah? In the morning I will make everyone some of my world famous pancakes." Both of the younger girls climbed in bed silently laying next to each other with there minds running a thousand miles a minute. Mariana wanted to ask more questions what happened tonight had really scared her. Where as Callie was just afraid to go to sleep. Sure she felt safe right now but when she fell asleep she was afraid the night terrors would come back. Both girls migrated closer to each other taking comfort in the fact they were close to each other with their moms filling in the spaces behind them. It was a tight fit but none of them complained they needed to be close to each other. And if it meant sharing a cramped bed so be it.

An hour later Lena and Callie were sound asleep Callie cuddling with Lena her breathing deep. Stef was sure the girl would finally get some much needed sleep.

"Mom is Callie going to be okay?" Mariana whispered knowing Stef would still be awake.

"Yeah she is going to be just fine. It just may take a minute. And all of us are going to have to help her." Mariana nodded accepting the answer. Her mom sounded so sure. She ha no reason to doubt her. That was what her moms did they made everything better. She knew they would do that for Callie as well. Those were her last thought before cuddling into Stefs side and drifting off to sleep her self.


	5. Chapter 5

**AN: So for those wondering this is based pretty much mid season one. And I know I am kind of dragging out what Callie's dreams are about, but honestly I don't even know yet I cant decide if I want it to be about Liam or the abuse. I know there are a lot of other stories about Liam and I know in the series her panic attacks were about Liam. But I was kid of thinking I wanted them to be about all the bad foster homes she was in because her walls started going up when she was put into the bad foster homes. Which do you guys think? Cause I am torn.**

Callie woke up the next morning her body and head were killing her. One of the many joys of having panic attacks. Looking around she noticed the other three in the room were still sound asleep. She also noticed it was still dark out side which meant she had only got a few hours of sleep once again her head ache was proof of that. Closing her eyes she sighed she felt really bad about why Mariana was sleeping in here instead of in her own bed. The look Mariana had given her when they came in was one of fear. She never wanted to scare any of her siblings. She had really hoped she wasn't going to have a nightmare last night. She hoped her mind would give her a break but that's what you get when you hope right?

Though she felt bad she was content to just lay there squished in between Lena and Mariana this was the first time in a long while she had actually felt safe and happy with some one besides Jude. Usually she would just et up and leave the room but this family was changing her she felt safe and wanted. Usually if a family from her past would have found her like they had she would be in trouble for waking them up. But the Fosters actually cared she was having them and wanted to make her feel better.

Even though she was the only one awake she didn't want to move. But her bladder had other ideas. Sighing Callie scooted down the bed trying not to wake anyone else up. But that was hard considering there were four people in the bed. She slowly scooted down not wanting to chance climbing over Lena and waking the woman up. Finally she reached the end of the bed and stood up walking towards the door that led out of the room. When her hand hit the door handle she jumped her hand covering her heart as a voice filled the quite room.

"Were are you going?" Callie almost screamed hearing the voice. She had hoped she didn't wake anyone up. But she had never really slept in their bed before besides the night before and both women were up before her. So she didn't know how light of a sleeper Lena was. Looking back she met Lena's eyes as the woman sat up in bed.

"Uh bathroom." Callie said motioning to the hallway.

"Just use ours love and then come lay back down it is way too early to be up." Lena left no room for argument so Callie changed course and headed towards the bathroom that was connected to their room. When she was done she stood in the bathroom for a moment taking in some alone time. It wasn't much but it helped clear some of the thoughts she was having. She had her hands on the counter and her head down with her eyes closed just breathing deeply. She really was hoping they didn't have to have another emotional day she wasn't sure if her mind could handle two talks like they had the previous day two days in a row. Looking up at her self in the mirror she was surprised at what she saw. The dark bags under her eyes stood out against her pale skin and her eyes were sunken in you could tell she hadn't been sleeping well, She looked absolutely exhausted. Though she guessed it fit considering that was how she felt. Taking one final deep breath she figured she should head back into the bedroom before Lena came looking for her.

Walking over to Lena's side of the bed who had slid out of bed when she saw Callie emerge from the bathroom and stood by the side of it and motioned for Callie to climb in the middle again. As soon as Callie did Mariana rolled over and slung her leg across Callie's stomach and laid her head on her older sisters shoulder. This shocked Callie because besides random hugs here and there Mariana never really touched her. She looked over to Lena who had slid back into bed and covered them back up with the blanket. Callie was sure her face wasn't hiding any of the surprise she was feeling. Though she really didn't want Mariana to move they both needed this. She knew Mariana had been freaked out last night, Hell Callie had been freaked out last night. Though she was used to seeing and having panic attacks she wasn't sure if Mariana had ever even dealt with one before seeing Callie having one. So when Lena went to move her Callie just shook her head. She may have made it seem like she didn't care that she was basically laying on her but she actually really needed Mariana there. In her mind this was a way for her to protect the younger girl from the fear she had caused her last night.

"She has been cuddling with you on and off all night. I think this is her subconscious's way of making sure you are still there. She was really freaked out last night." Lena saw the regret flicker through Callie's eyes and before the girl could say anything Lena shook her head. "Don't you dare even think about saying you are sorry."

"But." Callie went to argue but was cut off By a single look for Lena. Once again telling her not to say anything about scaring them the night before.

"No no buts yes I know you don't like any one worrying about you but that is going to happen. You have a family now dear." Lena saw a small smile form on Callie's lips. But it was the girls eyes that showed the true happiness she was feeling. Though there was an underlying fear that also showed. Both Lena and Stef knew she really didn't see them as a family yet But they had already started talking about adopting the Jacobs kids. They needed to talk to everyone else about it but these two kids belonged in their house. In their family.

"She shouldn't have had to see me like that though. I saw how scared she was. I never wanted her to be afraid of me." Tears formed in Callie's eyes remembering how scared Mariana had looked when Stef had brought her into their room last night.

" I wish it didn't happen love but it did. Mariana is a strong girl she will be fine. She may be a little clingy today because she will want to make sure you are okay. But she will be alright. And she wasn't afraid of you. She was afraid for you. She didn't understand what was happening. All she knew was you were in trouble and she couldn't help. Yes she was scared but it wasn't of you." Lena repeated again she knew you had to tell Callie things like this twice. Once the girl thought she messed up it took moving mountains to make her believe she really didn't.

"I just don't want her to treat me any different. I don't want to be treated like a little china doll that will break if touched or anything."

"Is that why you didn't want anyone to know?" Lena sat up on her elbow looking over at the girl and brushed her bangs out of her eyes noticing how the girls eyes shut and the simple act relaxed her. She didn't get a verbal answer but a faint nod came from the girl. "Oh sweet heart no one is going to treat you any different they may be worried but you will still be the same Callie to them. No one will think any less of you. Or view you to be weak, we all know how strong you are." Smiling sadly as she looked down at the girl Lena fought the urge to kiss the girls forehead. The girl always thought she had to be so strong and that she couldn't rely on anyone. Lena wished they could just convince the girl she didn't need to be so independent and strong. That she could put some of the pressure on her and Stef. That was their job as mothers.

She knew if she had kissed the girls forehead though it really wouldn't convince her they thought any different of her. She would have taken it as a sign of weakness. Callie always needed to be the one to initiate the contact both mothers knew not to push that or their progress would be taken back five steps. Looking over at the alarm clock she noticed it was only five o'clock. They would both be useless on just a few hours of sleep. Both Stef and her self had woken up any time either of the girls moved through out the night. In fact she looked up and saw her wife was trying to pretend to be asleep not wanting to ruin Callie opening up some. If she knew anyone else was awake she would have hid behind her walls again.

"Alright lets me and you try and get some more sleep yeah?" Lena hadn't missed how exhausted Callie looked. She knew the girl needed sleep.

"Can you.." Lena looked over at the girl waiting for her to continue but Callie just closed her eyes and bit her lip like she was doubting her self about what she was about to ask.

"Can I what love?" Lena asked hoping to persuade Callie to finish her question. It was a big step for Callie to even start to ask her something. Usually she went to Stef.

"Nothing never mind it was stupid lets just go to bed." Callie's eyes were still shut tight but Lena knew if she pushed a little more she would get the girl to ask what ever it was she wanted.

"I don't think it is stupid. Can I what?" Lena pushed once again hoping this time the girl wouldn't shut her out.

"I was ah.. I was just going to ask if you could umm you know keep playing with my hair? I know it was stupid you are tired and I just.. But never mind… I.. I'll be fine really.." She was scolding her self on asking. Lena was probably just as tired as she was. Why would she stay awake playing with her hair so she could fall asleep when the woman probably wanted to go to bed her self. She would have rolled away but Mariana had moved closer and was holding her firmly in place.

Her eyes shot open when she felt Lena's fingers running through her hair, her finger nails gently running across her scalps just like her mom used to do when she was younger and couldn't sleep. Were all moms trained in this? It was something that always put Callie to sleep and calmed her down no matter how worked up she was. Something Lena and s=Stef had both taken note of

"Close your eyes Callie." Lena didn't say anything else but inside she was doing a happy dance. This was the first time Callie had ever come to her for any form of comfort. She didn't want to embarrass the girl she knew it probably taken so much for the girl to even get the courage to want to ask. But to actually do it that was a huge step. Eventually Callie's eyes drifted closed relaxing into Lena's touch. Looking over to her partner she saw Stefs eyes open and a huge grin on her face both were extremely grateful that Callie had asked for some comfort. It didn't take long for Callie's breathing to even out and become deeper confirming she had finally fallen asleep. She looked so peaceful even though her sister was basically now laying on top of her.

Looking back up from her two daughters Lena looked to Stef who was still looking at the girls.

"We should probably get some sleep too." Lena whispered not wanting to wake the sleeping girls.

"Probably." Stef whispered looking up at Lena silently communicating that they needed to talk about everything. About how they were going to handle the panic attacks. And now with Mariana knowing she didn't think they were going to be able to keep their promise to Callie about not telling the kids now that Mariana knew.

"I know but we can deal with it in the morning. I don't want to leave them just yet." Nodding Stef agreed and laid her head back down. She knew she wouldn't be getting back to sleep but she needed to be close to her three girls right now. Scooting closer to her two daughters she closed her eyes relishing in the quiet of the house.

**AN 2: So I really wanted to do a kind of fluffy chapter I know its not long but I hoped you liked it. And I wanted to have a moment between Lena and Callie because they don't get enough of those in the show. **


	6. Chapter 6

**AN: So thank you to everyone who gave their opinion on what Callie's dreams should be about. I really appreciate it. If there is anything else you want to see just let me know and I will see what I can do.**

When Mariana woke the next morning she wasn't surprised to see her mothers were not in bed. Looking at the clock she saw it was a little after eight. They were never ones to sleep in. She was surprised she was up though usually she could sleep well into the morning. She looked over at Callie who was still in a deep sleep and carefully rolled out of bed making sure not to wake her sister up.

She knew Callie thought she was hiding it but she knew her sister had been having nightmares. A few nights she woke up from her sister talking in her sleep. She ignored it because Callie would never open up to her and mentioning it would just embarrass her. Though after seeing her in the state she was in last night Mariana wished she would have said something to someone. But she honestly thought Callie was just having nightmares she had never seen her sister in the state she was in last night. If she knew that was a happening she would have told her moms about Callie's nightmares.

Walking down the stairs she heard her moms talking in hushed voices in the kitchen. She couldn't make out what they were saying but they stopped talking the moment they saw her standing in the entry way to the kitchen. Both looked like they hadn't slept any the night before and Mariana was sure they hadn't. They were each nursing a cup of coffee.

"Hey miss thing what are you doing up so early on a weekend?" Stef asked breaking the silence in the room. Trying to make it seem like everything was normal and the girl hadn't just found out her sister was having panic attacks.

"Oh I woke up and couldn't fall back asleep. And I didn't want to wake Callie up if I was tossing and turning." Mariana said with a shrug as she sat next to her Mama. Lena reached out and rubbed the girls back knowing what she had saw the night before was hard for the girl. This was something that had always relaxed her daughter.

Mariana sat there letting all the tension leave her body as her mom comforted her. She waited a few minutes before she was able to properly form the question that was swirling around in her head. She was having troubles deciding where to start this conversation and both mothers could tell. But they also knew they had to let her be the one to start it so they waited and let her get her thoughts together. Though Stef was slightly shocked that the girl didn't already ask something., She wasn't one to really think her questions or actions through.

"So last night with Callie? What was that?" Lena's had automatically stilled as the question left her daughters mouth. Neither woman was shocked by the question that their daughter had just asked. But they hadn't yet figured out how to quite handle it. They had been talking about it before Mariana had entered the room. They hadn't thought any of their children would be up so early and figured they had some time to talk about their game plan for dealing with the situation. Though they should have known Mariana would be up. Usually if something was worrying her she couldn't sleep long. The three of them had had many sleepless nights because of this in the past.

The women shared a look over the young girls head as she looked at them expectantly waiting for an answer. Sighing knowing their daughter wouldn't wait long before she was demanding an answer Stef was the one to speak first.

"Well love it seems Callie has been having panic attacks for a while and mama and I just found out about them yesterday." Stef answered for them just keeping the answer short and simple. Mariana hated when they tried to sugar coat anything.

"Panic attacks?" Mariana had heard of them from some of her classmates before but never really looked into them so she didn't quite understand what they were and why they were happening to her sister.

"Yes love panic attacks. They usually happen when someone has a lot of stress and anxiety in their lives." Lena answered simply hearing the confusion in Marianas voice.

"But Callie doesn't have a lot of stress and doesn't act like she has anxiety.." Mariana was really confused how could she not know that about the person she shared a room with. Callie seemed fine most days, sure she was a little closed off but she remembered what it was like in the system. Most foster kids were closed off from the world to protect her self. And though Callie never talked about her past she knew it was worse than her and Jesus's time in the system.

"Callie doesn't like showing how she is actually feeling love. It is hard for her. So we don't want you asking her a lot of questions. If she comes to you let her we know you are worried about her. But she's worried you guys will treat her like she is weak if you know about the panic attacks. So please don't bombard her with a bunch of questions. And don't treat her any different she is the same Callie she was before you found out yesterday. Mama and I will deal with getting her help. Your brothers do not know about them. So please don't tell them until we talk to Callie about this. Especially not Jude He doesn't know about them either and we know we cant keep this from them but we would really like to talk to Callie about it first."

Mariana nodded taking everything her moms just told her in. How had Callie been hiding this from everyone? Why would she they were a family, they were supposed to take care of each other. But she realized Callie still thought this was just a temporary home. She didn't see them as her family yet. Looking back up at her moms she noticed they were staring at her waiting for her to reply.

"So if Callie is having one of these what should I do?" She didn't want to be caught off guard again and not be able to help her sister.

" Come find me or mom and we will help her. We don't think it would be good if one of you guys were helping her. She already didn't want anyone else to know." Nodding Mariana stood up and headed out of the room quietly taking in everything. She was really worried about Callie. She headed up to her room to process all of this information. She also decided she was going to research panic attacks to get a full knowledge about them.

Later that day she found Callie sitting out side on the swing practicing her guitar. She really wanted to go out there and check on Callie but her moms had said to let her come to her. She stood in the doorway contemplating what to do. When she finally decided to leave her be Callie looked up at saw Mariana standing in the door way. She saw Callie bite her lip and wave her hand motioning for Mariana to come join her.

Mariana took the seat next to her sister watching at the older girl carefully set her guitar down. They sat in silence for a while both getting their thoughts together Callie had honestly been dreading this conversation all morning. She was surprised when she woke up she wasn't met with a thousand questions from the younger girl. It actually seemed like she had been avoiding Callie. She had noticed when Mariana walked outside and was expecting her to come confront her with he questions but when she went to walk away Callie made the decision to make the first move on this conversation which shocked both of the girls.

Mariana started gently moving the swing back and forth with her feet both girls taking comfort in the slow rocking. It seemed to calm both of their nerves. Taking a deep breath Callie knew they couldn't just sit in silence forever. They really needed to have this conversation no matter how much she didn't want to have it.

"So.." She started out but the rest of her words failed her.

"So.." Mariana mirrored not exactly knowing where to start either.

"I know you probably have some questions about last night." Callie shot a glace at the girl sitting next to her and saw the girl staring straight ahead of her but nodded answering her question. "You can ask. I mean if you want to."

"Last night scared me." Marianas spoke with a quiet voice almost like she was talking to a scared animal. But Callie couldn't tell if it was cause she thought she was going to scare Callie or herself.

"Yeah I can imagine. It really scared me the first time it happened. Hell it scared me last night too. I'm sorry by the way." Callie now wasn't looking over at her but she saw Marianas head whip towards her. If they were talking about this she would have found it to be comical.

"You have no reason to be sorry. Moms told me a little bit about what happened." Callie's eye brows raised in shock. The women had promised they wouldn't say anything to the other kids. Noticing the look on Callie's face she back tracked a little. "I kind of cornered them in the kitchen this morning. They really didn't have a choice. It was really either they tell me or I was going to ask you as soon as you woke up. And they apparently didn't think that was a good option." She said with a shrug. She noticed Callie nod slightly and relax a little. Neither was enjoying this conversation. "But I anyways after they told me what it was I went up stairs and looked it up. I know you have nothing to be sorry about."

"But I scared you. You shouldn't have saw that." Even though she had this conversation with Lena earlier that morning Callie was still convinced that Mariana was afraid of her. Mariana started shaking her head no cutting off her sisters next words.

"No you didn't scare me Callie."

"I remember your face Mariana. You were afraid." The girls were now looking at each other not just straight ahead knowing this conversation was hard for the other. Both were trying to comfort the other.

"I'm not going to lie of course I was scared but not of you Callie. I had just saw my sister fall out of bed and it seemed like you weren't breathing. I was afraid because I didn't know what to do and I didn't know what was going on. So I went and got moms I knew they would know what to do. When you came in the room I was so relieved I honestly thought you were dying. None of that was your fault." Mariana hard turned fully towards Callie placing her hand on Callie's. Even though Callie saw it coming she still flinched slightly. She was sure it was just because of all the emotions she had been forced to face in the last few weeks. She knew she was safe in this house no one here was going to hurt her. She knew and understood that. So she really didn't know why she had flinched. She hated her self for that because she had trained her self not to flinch when someone touched her. That gave too much away and made people either worry or angry. Neither were things Callie liked dealing with. She was hoping the other girl hadn't noticed. Mariana pulled her hand back not missing her sister flinch when she touched her. Placing her own hand back in her lap she watched as Callie crossed her own arms. This was a sign Callie had thrown her walls back up and was a way to protect her self. She knew if she tried pushing any further it wouldn't end well. Standing up Mariana walked a few steps away and paused looking over her shoulder at Callie who was now staring forward again not even acknowledging that Mariana was walking away.

"I just wanted you to know that if you ever wanted to talk you can come to me. I know there are things you think you cant tell mom's. you have people who care Callie you don't always have to be strong." She saw a faint nod from Callie and knew that was the only form of an answer she was going to get from her. Walking back inside she spared one more glace outback and walked past her moms who were trying to look busy. Trying not to look like they had been watching their daughters conversation

. She decided then she was going to help Callie whether she wanted it or not. She had to know she had people in her corner. She had to know she had People who would be there for her. With that she walked back up stairs to the room they shared to start figuring out how exactly she was going to show Callie this.


	7. Chapter 7

**AN: So this one is going to have a flash back of one of Callie and Judes past foster homes. It will contain some scenes of abuse. I am going to try and keep them light but I don't want to take from the story either. Just giving a warning.**

A few days had passed with no incident. Stef and Lena had ultimately decided to tell the boys about the panic attacks much to Callie's dismay. But they wanted to prepare the boys just incase something happened around one of them. Jude had of course been worried but the mothers with the help of Callie had been able to convince him his sister was fine and he had nothing to worry about. He had been extra clingy that night but Callie figured that would happen.

She hadn't had a nightmare for a few nights with both she and the moms were thankful for. Though they all knew one could happen at any time. They were just trying not to focus on it.

It was Wednesday and Callie was walking through the hallway heading to lunch. She had just left Timothy's class the prompt he had given them was weighing heavy on her mind. It was about a time you had to protect someone. All class she had been thinking about the lightest topic to write about. Protecting someone was something she always did. In previous foster homes she had to protect Jude more times than she cared to remember. But she couldn't really remember a 'light' thing she had protected him from. Most of the times she had protected him were her taking beatings for him.

She wasn't really paying attention and ran into a group of girls. She was about to apologize when one of them shoved her against a set of lockers her back hitting with a resounding thud. Taking a deep breath she looked up at the set of girls who were glaring at her.

The moment she had made contact with the locker her hands started to shake. She could feel the fear creeping up but she wasn't going to let them know it. One of her rules was to never let anyone see any fear, so she shoved them behind her back. Taking a deep breath she waited for one of them to swing at her. One did swing but hit the locker next to her head the loud bang that sounded in here ears made her jump.

"You are lucky you are worthless Jacobs or I would have to teach you a lesson you wouldn't soon forget." She knew it was a teenage girl who said it but her mind had heard a grown mans voice. Callie clenched her jaw trying to force the memory back down to wear she had shoved it when she was ten. She waited until the girls walked down the hallway and turned a corner before she let out the breath she was holding. Her hands were shaking even more now the memory flooding into her mind again.

She could swear the hallway was turning back into that home. She could smell the alcohol on her old foster fathers breath as he stood over a cowering ten year old Callie. In her reality Callie knew she was standing in the middle of the school hallway and needed to move but her mind had her frozen in fear. A shaky hand reached up to her mothers necklace trying to draw strength from it. She knew she had to move from the hallway.

She really needed to get to Lena. She could tell she was going into an attack and there was no way to stop it. She had already been shaken up trying to do Timothy's assignment. And then the girl had said almost the exact words she heard right before the first beating she had ever got.

She knew she hadn't made it too far from Timothy's classroom, she really didn't want to go there but it was better than having a mental break down in the middle of the hallway. Her hand gripped the necklace tightly and she forced her legs to start moving back towards the classroom. She knew Timothy had this period off for lunch and she really hoped he was actually in his classroom.

Walking was getting harder and harder for her but she pushed her self forward refusing to let anyone else see her in this state. Callie didn't really know how but she looked up and saw Timothy's room right in front of her forcing her self to take those last few steps she swung the door open thankful to see him at his desk.

Timothy had been enjoying his quiet lunch. He was using the time to come up with the lesson plan for the next day. When he heard the door open and shut he looked up to see Callie one of his favorite students standing in his door. Immediately he knew something was wrong and went to help the girl.

"Callie? What's wrong?" He reached out to touch her but pulled his hand back quickly as the girl threw her self against the wall and slid down it.

"No! Don't touch me please! I'm sorry." She sobbed out . By this time she was fully submerged into the panic attack. She couldn't tell reality from memory. All she knew was a man was going to touch her.

Timothy backed away and ran to his desk picking up the phone and called Lena's office praying she was actually in her office. It was common knowledge the vice principal wandered the halls during lunch keeping an eye on all of the students. The receiver rand a few times before Lena's secretary picked up.

"Vice principals office."

"Shirley it's Timothy is Lena in her office?" He was trying to keep his cool but he was watching Callie fall deeper and deeper. She was curled in a fetal position and he could see she was struggling to breath.

"No she is out patrolling the grounds at the moment. Do you want me to tell her to call you back?"

"No I need her in my classroom right now."

"Well like I said.." Timothy was getting aggravated now he didn't know how to deal with this when the girl wouldn't let him near her.

"Damn it just get her to my class now!" With that he slammed the phone down and slowly walked towards the girl on the floor making sure to keep his distance. He sighed a breath of relief as he heard the receptionists voice over the intercom calling Lena to his room.

_ Callie was sitting in the room that she shared with Jude. It had been a few months after they entered the foster system. And they were now in their first foster home. It wasn't the greatest but they were fed everyday. Callie had turned ten a few weeks ago. Her and Jude were sitting on her bed their foster father David had brought them some dinner. They usually ate in the room David didn't like them down stairs claiming they made too much of a mess and too much noise. Which Callie didn't understand because the man was always screaming at the TV._

_ When Jude had finished his dinner he went to set the dish on the night stand by Callie's but the dish didn't end up completely on the furniture and ended up falling to the ground shattering. Callie told him to stay on the bed not wanting the younger boy to cut him self on the shards of glass. She set to start cleaning up the broken dish ignoring the foot steps thundering up the stairs._

_ David always walked heavily so she never thought anything of it until the door to their bedroom flew open making her jump and the loud bang it had caused. Callie looked over at David and could tell by the flush in his cheeks he had been drinking again he did that every night. Which was why she had no problem keeping Jude up stairs. She remembered seeing her dad get drunk a lot and Jude didn't need to see that._

_ David walked towards her grabbing her arm and yanking her to her feet making her cry out at his grip._

_ "Who broke it?" he gestured towards the broken pieces of the plate. She looked to Jude and saw the fear in his eyes and knew she had to protect him. He was so much smaller than her. And her mom had always told her it was her job to protect her younger brother. She was Jude about to speak up but quickly cut him off._

_ "It was me. It was an accident. I thought it was on the stand." As soon as she finished the sentence David pulled her out of the room slamming the door shut behind him dragging Callie behind him his grip never loosening. She tried to tell him he was hurting her but his response was to just tighten the grip around the ten year olds arm. She could already feel it bruising._

_ David brought her into the kitchen and pinned her against him and the counter. Her upper back slamming into the edge._

_ "You are worthless. I don't even know why I agreed to take you kids in In the first place. All you do is eat my food and cost me money." He growled out. His face was inches away from Callie's face. She could smell the liquor on his breath. Callie had never been this scared in her life. Tears were streaming down the young girls face as the man before her grabbed both of her upper arms tightly and shook her slamming her back into the counter again. "Do you think dishes are cheap? They cost money! I am just going to have to teach you a lesson girl." He spit out as he took his hand and slapped her across the face as hard as he could. His anger rising as she cried out her cheek felt like it was on fire.. The man landed a few more blows across her body each as hard as the last. All she could think was she was glad she hadn't let Jude say he broke the dish. The one thing helping her through this was the thought that she had saved Jude from feeling this. Seeing his happening to her brother would have been worse than any pain this man could put her through. Though she never thought this would ever happen._

_ She laid there her eyes closed as tears spilled out from behind them. She could hear the man walking away as he muttered about ungrateful children._

_ "Callie sweetheart." she heard a woman's voice calling for her. The memory started to fade as Callie was forced back to reality._

Lena was walking towards Timothy's office wondering what was so important that he couldn't just leave a message. When she opened the door to his classroom she was shocked to find the man kneeling in front of her daughter who was huddled on the ground. She couldn't see her face but she could hear the girl was crying.

"What happened?" she looked towards Timothy expectantly waiting for an answer.

"I don't know I was working on my lesson plan when she came in and I could tell something was wrong. I went to help her and she screamed at me not to touch her and fell to the ground. And then I called you. She just keeps repeating she's sorry" Lena could tell the man was genuinely concerned for her daughter. "Lena I think she is in a panic attack."

"I know she is she started having them a few weeks ago." Taking her phone out of her pocket she tossed it to Timothy. "Take that and Call Stef. Tell her she needs to come and pick Callie up. And I think it would be best if you waited out side. Callie is afraid of men. And I want to make sure no other student comes in here." She left no room for argument not that he was going to anyway. He knew not to question a mother when it came to her children. When the man left the room Lena knelt in front of Callie placing her hand on the young girls shoulder causing the girl to jump back and hit her upper back and head on the wall. Lena flinched at the thud it made knowing that was going to hurt the girl later in the day.

"Callie sweet heart its Lena. Come on sweetie come back to me." She watched the girl trying to determine if she was even hearing the woman. "Come on love I know you can get through this. You are safe here, I know I don't know what caused this but I need to come back to me and focus. Do you think you can do that love?" Lena gently coaxed the girls arms away from her face trying to get more air to her. Reaching up Lena ran her fingers through her hair trying to get her to calm some.

She really wished she knew what was going on in her daughters mind to determine how to get her to come back to reality. She also wished Stef were here. She knew all the kids felt safe around the woman with her being a cop. She never got mad that the kids thought of Stef as the protector, because that's what she was. That's what her mindset was.

"Callie love we really need to get your breathing under control okay? I am going to grab your hand and let you feel how slow my breathing is and then we are going to do it together okay?" she knew then that Callie could at least hear her because the girl didn't fight her and actually pushed her arm towards the older woman. Taking a few deep breaths her self Lena looked expectantly at Callie.

"Alright love your turn breath with me. I know its hard and I know it is scary but I need you to breath with me so we can get over this." She could hear Callie trying to take deeper breaths which was a good sign.

Looking at her watch Lena saw there was only five minutes until lunch was over. She knew there was no way to move her daughter and she really didn't want anyone seeing her like this. It wouldn't do any one any good. She really hoped Timothy was good at improvising a lesson away from his class room.

"You are doing great Hun just breath with me okay? You are safe here with me." Lena breathed a sigh of relief as she could hear the girls breathing becoming less strained and more like her self. "Just keep breathing okay there is no rush."

Callie had breathed a sigh of relief when she had heard Lena's voice. It had caused the memory to be pushed out of her mind. It took a moment to focus on what was happening which was why she had jumped when she felt the woman's hand on her shoulder.

"Lena." Callie whispered looking up at the woman kneeling in front of her.

"I'm right here love." Lena said as she used her sleeve to wipe the tear tracks and running make up off the girls face.

"I want to go home." Callie said in such a small voice that Lena had never heard the girl use.

"Stefs on her way here love. She is going to bring you home." Callie took that answer relaxing back into the wall. Taking a deep shaky breath she glanced up at Lena.

"I want to get help." Callie said swallowing around the lump in her throat. "I don't want to have these any more mama." Lena's eyes shot up to the girls face wondering if she had heard right. Wondering it the girl had really just called her mama for the first time. Choosing not to linger on it until later she nodded.

"Alright my love we will talk with Stef when I Get home tonight." With that the two fell into a peaceful quiet waiting for Stef to arrive .

**AN2: the next chapter is going to have some Stef and Callie fluff to it which I am excited about.**


	8. Chapter 8

Lena had been able to get Callie to her office with out incident Lena had made sure to tell her secretary to just have Stef come straight in. Thankfully Timothy had brought his next class to the library so they were able to walk through the halls without incident. They had been sitting in her office for about ten minutes when Stef walked in.

"Hey my loves." She said smiling sadly as she spotted Callie curled up in one of the chairs across from Lena with her chin resting on her knees. She knelt down next to her brushing the bangs out of the girls eyes. "How are you feeling sweets." All she got in return was as shrug of the girls shoulders.

"I already excused her from the rest of her classes and emailed her teachers they know she wont be in class the rest of the day." Stef nodded smiling over at her partner.

"Hey love do you think you can go wait outside for a few minutes? I just want to talk to Stef for a few minutes." Once again Callie didn't say anything just grabbed her back and walked out the door sitting in the chair right out side of the office.

"So what happened? All Timothy said on the phone was Callie was freaking out and you needed me here right away." Stef said and she sat across from Lena reaching across the desk and grabbing the other woman's hand.

"I don't know what happened she was fine when I saw her earlier. All I know is she showed up in Timothy's Class room during lunch and was in the midst of an attack. Timothy said he tried to get her to calm down but she wouldn't let him touch her and screamed at him not to touch her." Stef nodded and stood up walking around the desk placing a kiss on Lena's lips. She could hear the sadness and worry that laced her partners voice.

"We will get through this love. She will be fine. I promise." She kissed the woman once more. "I am going to get her home and we will talk some more when you get home. I love you" With that she walked out and went straight to Callie who was trying her hardest to look like she didn't just have a break down. Stef figured it was because there were people besides just her and Callie in the room. If any one else were to look at the young girl they would see nothing wrong.

But Stef saw the signs that the girl was struggling. She hands were clenched in tight fists and she was biting her bottom lip. Two tell tales signs that there was something bothering the girl.

"Ready to go home sweets?" She got a nod in return as Callie stood. It didn't go unnoticed by Stef that the girl had yet to say a single word and that was not sitting well with the woman. Placing her hand on Callie's lower back in a motherly she guided the young girl out of the school.

The farther the two got away from the school the more Callie relaxed. Though she still was not speaking. She didn't look like she was going to bolt at any moment though so Stef figured the girl was still just working through what ever had set this attack off. Though she wished the girl would tell her. When the reached the car both climbed in on their respective sides, Stef watched as Callie quietly bucked up and leaned into the door resting her head on the window. The girl just looked so broken it was hurting Stef's heart to see her daughter like this. She just wanted to wrap the girl into a hug and protect her from the world.

"Are you hungry sweets? I know you didn't really get to eat lunch we could stop and pick something up on the way home?" Stef looked expectantly hoping for some form of verbal response. She sighed as all she got was a shrug of the shoulders. She sighed sadly as she put the car in reverse. Obviously Callie was not going to say a word until she was ready.

Callie closed her eyes as she herd woman she was becoming to see as a mom..her mom sigh. She could hear the sadness it held. She wasn't trying to make the woman sad but she really didn't trust her self to speak with out turning into a puddle of sobs. Ever since the women had found out about her having these panic attacks, she hadn't been able to deal with them by her self. But once one of them came around and she heard their voices it was like a wave of calm washed over her and the panic attack became more bearable. And she wanted comfort from them after one. She was not sure if she liked that or not.

On one hand she was glad her and Jude both had people to rely on and help them. But on the other hand she didn't want them to rely on anyone else. Once you start trusting someone the other shoe drops and the rug is ripped out from under your feet. Then they end up in a knew foster home and are forced back to the starting point. Both women kept telling them this was their last weigh station before they were placed in a permanent home. But she didn't want to be placed in a new home. Jude didn't want a new home. So why trust someone when you know they aren't going to keep you?

Callie sat in the car with her head resting against the glass watching as they passed cars and houses. Though she really wasn't paying attention to them, her mind was focusing on trying to push back the memory she had relived today. She just wanted to forget again. She had been telling Lena the truth she really wanted to get help for these attacks. She couldn't protect Jude if a set of words sent her into attacks like that again. She really would be worthless and he would get hurt. She couldn't care less if she got hurt. That was bound to happen. But if she could stop someone from taking Jude's innocence away it would be worth it.

"Callie?" Stef's voice broke through all of the thoughts swimming through her head, looking up at the woman she noticed they were sitting in front of the house. When did that happen? She could see the worry filling Stef's eyes, it wasn't like her to be this unfocused.

"Sorry I guess I kind of just zoned out." Stef was surprised to hear the girl speak, but she kept her face void of showing any shock. She really didn't want to make the girl revert back into not speaking my embarrassing her.

"That's alright love. Are you ready to go inside? I was thinking me and you could order a pizza or something and watch some movies you know just relax for the day. How does that sound?"

Honestly it sounded amazing to Callie. Ever since Stef had knelt next to her in Lena' office she had felt a sense of security wash over her. Not that Lena didn't make her feel safe but Stef had something a little extra. Her aura just screamed protector and that washed over Callie making her relax more and not feel so on edge. Callie guessed that's why Stef was such a good police officer she made people feel safe. Which made people trust her.

"Yeah yeah that sounds good." Callie followed Stef in the house and paused when she saw what the older woman was wearing. She was in her uniform. She was supposed to be at work right now.

Seeing that the girl stopped and was staring at her she looked down to see what she was looking at. Not seeing anything she looked back at the girl who was still staring at her uniform with a confused look on her face. This confused Stef her self because Callie hadn't acted like this since she first come to live with them. But after a while it had stopped bothering the girl.

"What's Wrong Callie?" She asked quietly afraid the girl was being sent back into another attack.

"You are in your uniform. You are supposed to be at work." Raising her eye brow as if telling the girl to continue because Stef still didn't understand where she was going with this observation. When Callie didn't continue Stef decided to talk instead.

"Yes I was supposed to be at work but when I got the Call from Timothy I asked the captain to give me the rest of the day off because I was needed at home." She said with a shrug to her it wasn't a big deal. But looking at Callie she could tell it was a huge deal to the girl as fresh tears formed in her eyes. "Hey, hey what's with the tears?"

"I am making you miss work. I know me and Jude being in the house is causing you guys to be tight on money. You need to call your captain and tell her you can go back to work. You don't need to worry about me. I am fine." Stef could see the girl was getting worked up but couldn't tell what was going on through the girls head. Yes it was true money was tighter but they weren't struggling. But then it dawned on Stef no one had ever cared enough about the girl to do this for it. It was a new territory for her.

"Listen to me Callie I am not going any where besides upstairs to change into some comfy cloths just like you are going to do. Then me and you are going to plop our selves down on that couch and watch some movies. You do not need to worry about our finances. And I am still getting paid for the day, I took a personal day. But even if I didn't we would still be fine." Placing her hands on the younger girls shoulders she looked her in the eyes. "I would not rather be any where else but here with you. Now go upstairs and change." Thankfully Callie didn't argue and headed upstairs. Stef knew it was going to take a while for the girl to accept them caring for her. She had wanted to ask the girl what had happened earlier to set her off, but knew better then to push the girl. She needed to come to her. If you pushed too hard Callie would run back behind her defenses. So Stef decided to play this the easy way. She knew a movie and just relaxing around the house was a good way to get the girl to open up.

After both had changed into comfier cloths Stef led them back down stairs and sat them on the couch throwing a romantic comedy on. She couldn't remember the name of it but she figured they needed something light for the day. Callie had sat on the furthest end of the couch almost pressing herself into the arm of it. But about a quarter of the way through it Stef noticed Callie inching closer and closer to her. She lifted her arm laying it across the back of the couch a silent invitation for the girl to cuddle into her side.

Honestly she wasn't sure if the girl would take the invitation but she laid it out there. It took about twenty more minutes before Callie was pressed against her side and Stef wrapped her arm around the younger girls shoulder. She felt Callie stiffen a bit and then relax into the embrace. A small smile crossed Stef's face at that moment. But neither said anything both staring at the tv not wanting to ruin the moment.

Callie had shocked her self when she decided the take the invitation to cuddle with the older woman. But after moments of debating with her self she threw caution to the wind and took it. And she was glad she did. At this moment she wouldn't want to be anywhere else. She kept glancing up at Stef wanting to talk about what had happened earlier in the day but she didn't even know where to start. She opened and closed her moth a few times but in the end ended up giving up and turning her attention back to the movie even though she really wasn't paying attention to it.

In all honesty Stef wasn't paying attention to the movie either. All of her attention was focused on the girl next to her. She noticed Callie glancing up at her and opening her mouth to speak. She knew this was a big step for the girl to actually open up, so it didn't really shock her when Callie ended up just turning back to the movie. But Stef was prepared to sit her all day and pretend to watch movies if that was what Callie needed. She patted Callie's arm and rubbed it gently.

"When ever you are ready sweets." Callie's eyes shot up to look at the woman she hadn't thought she had noticed her actions earlier. It really shouldn't have though because Stef was someone who noticed everything. The motherly tone she used when she had spoke those words made Callie want to open up and put her heart on her sleeve. It made her want to open up about every bad thing that had happened to her in the past. Most people when they wanted her to talk tried forcing her and pulling the answers from her. But Stef was giving her the reigns to control the speed of what was happening this was all so knew to the girl.

At that moment the doorbell rang signaling their lunch had arrived causing Stef to have to get up and go pay for the food. The moment she did Callie realized she wanted the woman close. It was then she grabbed the remote and turned off the movie. They were having this conversation and Callie was not going to back out of it. She needed to prove to both of the women she was trying. She told them if they didn't make her go to therapy she would open up to them. So far she hadn't made any move towards that promise. Well today it was going to be different.

When Stef walked back into the room she noticed the atmosphere had changed taking in the ridged way Callie was now sitting and the lack of noise from the television which she glanced at noticing that it was now off. Nodding she placed the box on the table and sat back down so she was facing the girl.

"You don't have to talk about this now. I told you we can do this when ever you are ready." She really did not want to make the girl feel like she was being forced into anything. That would not help either of their cases. It would do more harm to Callie's already fragile mind set. And if she felt Stef was pushing her into anything it would cause there progress to be shoved back a few paces.

"No. no we have to do this now or I wont ever do it.." Nodding though it was more to reassure her self Callie jumped into what she remembered from the day. Telling Stef about the group of girls and what had been said. And then got through the memory once again though that was filled with tears on Callie's part. Stef was trying her hardest to stay strong for the girl. Her blood was boiling as she listened to what that man had done to her daughter. She wanted to find him and honestly she wanted to kill him. How could any one do that to a child. Especially someone who was supposed to be protecting that child.

Callie pushed her way through the story telling it as quickly as she could. She hated reliving it again. But she was prepared for the feelings this time so she was able to control how much she felt at a time, making sure she didn't become overwhelmed. It helped that Stef was there and doing everything she could to comfort the younger girl.

When Callie finished they both sat there in silence. Stef knew better than to tell the girl how sorry she was that something like that had happened to her. The last thing on earth that Callie wanted was pity.

"I am not going to tell you how sorry I am that that happened to you. Because we both know that will not change a thing. But I am going to tell you this. Nothing like that will ever happen to you while you are under my watch. And even if you and Jude were taken out of this home, not that mama and I wouldn't fight like hell to get you back, If I ever found out that was happening to you again there would be hell to pay. You are stuck under my protection for the rest of you life baby girl." With that Callie fell into the older woman's chest letting her comfort her as she let all the pent up emotions out.

Stef wasn't expecting the dam to break like that but she was glad Callie was finally mourning the loss of her child hood. But she still knew one break through wasn't going to be enough to actually make Callie whole again. They were still fighting an uphill battle and she couldn't tell if they were winning or not.

**AN: So there that is. I love Stef and Callie's relationship. I was going to write and post this chapter earlier but I learned a lesson about dancing and washing knives at the same time. You end up with stitches across you entire palm. I hope you guys liked this chapter I am hoping to get another one up tomorrow as well but I cant promise anything.**


	9. Chapter 9

**Hey guys so sorry I have been gone. A family emergency came up and I had to drive to Colorado as soon as I could and I didn't have my computer on me so I really couldn't write. And then I got pretty sick been focusing on getting better. But I am back now yay.**

When Lena got home later that afternoon a smile instantly formed on her face as she took in her partner and oldest daughter asleep and cuddling on the couch. She was glad that all of the other kids either had after school activities or wanted to go to one of their friends houses, both of them looked so peaceful she really didn't want to wake them.

Noticing the pizza box on the table she picked it up surprised to feel the weight to it. Normally when Stef or any of the kids had pizza in front of them there would be no leftovers. Shaking her head not wanting to question it at the moment she headed to the kitchen and placed it in the fridge, well at least dinner was done for the night. Grabbing a bottle of water from the fridge Lena sat on one of the stools letting the peace and quiet of the house wash over her and relax her. She knew it wouldn't last long but she needed it.

Hearing light foot steps enter the kitchen Lena didn't bother looking back figuring it was Stef, the woman was a notoriously light sleeper especially during the day. But to her surprise it was Callie who passed beside her and went to the fridge grabbing her own water bottle out of the fridge.

"Hey slug a bug how are you feeling?" Lena spoke quietly not wanting to ruin the calm that had set over the house. She was glad to see the girl was looking better than when she had last seen her at the school. Though the girl still looked exhausted she didn't look as defeated or like the world was weighing her down as much. The spark was back in the younger girls eyes that hadn't been there earlier in the day. It didn't shine as bright as normal but Lena could see it. Stef had called her earlier in the day and told her a brief watered down version of what Callie had opened up about and it absolutely broke Lena's heart. Even though she knew Stef had left out the worst parts it was still horrifying to the woman that they let some of these people foster children when so many good people who wanted to foster were turned down.

"I'm fine." Callie said with a nod as she stared at the water bottle in her hand like it was the most interesting thing in her life at the moment. With what Stef had told her she couldn't believe that the girl was fine. Callie's panic attack from earlier in the day had replayed in her mind a million times through out the rest of her day. So much that she had thought about leaving early. But she knew Stef was with their daughter and she would be fine. But her protective side was out and she really really wanted to protect their daughter even though she knew there was really nothing she could do to protect the young girl from her memories.

Lena reached across the table and placed her hand on the younger girls waiting until Callie's eyes met hers. She held the girls eyes for a moment searching them for something that would show her what the girl was really feeling. Fine was never just fine with any of her children. Fine was never fine with anyone. She hated that Callie was always so guarded it made it hard for her to read the younger girl. She couldn't wait for the day when Callie truly trusted them enough to let them in. Sure they got glimpses here and there but the older woman knew that those glimpses were only scratching the surface.

"Callie.." She paused seeing the girl open her mouth and then close it looking back down at her hands. The girl obviously wanted to say something but she was scared to. "What is it love?" Her voice was soft almost like she was talking to a frightened child. Which in her mind she was. Callie may be sixteen but with her having memories from when she was younger she honestly didn't know where the younger girls mind set was at.

She watched as Callie took a breath and opened and closed her mouth a few times before looking up at Lena.

"Can.. Can we not do this right now? I know me you and mom will have to have another heart to heart soon but right now don't think I can handle it. No I know I wont be able to handle it. I just…" She paused and let out a frustrated sigh. She was not used to having to be so open with families. Usually they could not care less about how she was feeling or what was going on with her. As long as they got their monthly check they really didn't care what was going on with her.

"You just what hun?" Lena persuaded trying to get her to finish her thought. She had a calm look on her face though internally she was smiling hearing Callie call her partner mom. She didn't think Callie even realized she said it just like earlier with calling her mama. But once again she was not going to point it out. She really didn't feel like talking any more steps back in their relationship.

What she didn't know what Callie knew she had called them both mom in the past twenty four hours. She really couldn't pin point exactly when she started feeling comfortable calling them it and wasn't sure if she would call them it all the time, because truthfully it terrified her. She knew this was still a temporary home but these two women had felt the most like mothers than any of the many foster mothers she had ever had. They even came close to her own mother. Callie knew no one could ever replace her birth mother but these two women came damn close. They made her feel so safe and loved. They made her feel like she actually deserved a family and happiness. But she was terrified of actually coming to love these women and the rug being ripped out from under her feet again, she wasn't sure if she could handle losing another mother let alone two.

"I just don't want to have any more heavy talks today. I just want to spend the day relaxing with you guys. No drama no panic attacks. I just want a little time where I don't feel like I am going to break at any given moment." She was finally admitting to her self that these women made her feel safe and right now after the day she had she just wanted to be around them." But I mean if you guys want to spend the day together I can disappear or a little I don't want to impose on your guys time together." Callie finished and bit her lip fearing that Lena would reject her and not want to spend the day with her like that.

Callie had noticed that none of the other kids were home. She knew their schedules pretty well and knew Jesus was at practice and Brandon would be practicing. Mariana usually hung out with Lexi and Jude had mentioned that he was going to ask the women to hang out with Connor today. But she figured the older women would want to take advantage of this time and spend it with each other. She knew the mothers never really got to spend any rime alone together, But Callie really didn't want to be alone. To be honest she was scared of being alone right now. Callie had been having flash backs all through out the day from her time at that house and she really did not want to think about it anymore.

Lena could hear the desperation in her daughters voice as she asked not to talk about it. And no matter how much Lena wanted to talk about it she was not going to push the girl into talking about something when she one had already talked to Stef about it and two she could see how scared the girl was.

"Of course we would love to spend the day with you Callie. You don't have to disappear as you put it. I would not want you to be any where but here with me and mom." And she honestly meant that. She was actually thinking about having Callie sleep in their room again. She knew that was probably out of the question but she didn't want to let the girl out of her sight. Having three panic attacks this close together truly worried her. She had spent the afternoon looking up therapists that they could take the younger girl to. This wasn't something she was just going to take lightly and just take the girl to the first one she found no she was going to find the best one she could. Group therapy was helping but all three of them knew the young girl was going to need individual therapy as well.

Lena had also spent a bit of her time looking up better ways to help someone having panic attacks. After today she really considered having all of the teachers trained in dealing with it as well. Timothy had come to her during his free period and he was pretty shook up about the whole thing. She would have to talk to her boss but she felt like this was something all teachers should know how to handle and not just because one of her children was dealing with it. Many students deal with anxiety every day and she didn't want something like this happening again and a student getting hurt.

"Are you sure?" Callie asked she couldn't believe this family would just want to hang out with her. Usually she was so strong and sure of her self but today her insecurities were in full swing.

"Of course where else would we want to be. Your mama and I see each other every day." Both heads turned to look at the entry way where Stef was leaning against the wall a smirk playing on her lips. "I'm sure your mama wouldn't mind sharing me for a few hours" Stef said with a wink thrown Callie's way as she walked across the room to stand behind Lena and wrapped her arms around the woman resting her chin on her partners shoulder after placing a kiss on the woman's cheek.

"Nope I don't mind one bit." Stef's interruption had caused the tension in the room to break and a lighter more playful mood to settle in the atmosphere. "So my loves what would you like to do for the day?"

Both of the older women were doing happy dances in their minds, Callie had never once asked to spend the day with them. Usually she just let her self fade into the background and let all of her siblings especially Jude get all of the attention. This was a huge step in their minds. And they couldn't be happier knowing that for once the girl was asking for help even though it was just asking to spend the day with them. They were also happy she had stood up for her self and told them she wasn't ready to do something. Normally even though she is such a strong willed girl she would be to afraid to say no.

Callie was ecstatic they hadn't rejected her. It was not often that the house was this empty and she was glad she could finally have some one on one time with the women that wasn't a heavy subject where she was in trouble or they were having a serious talk. She really could not wait to just be able to relax and spend the day with her mothers.

**Sorry it isn't the longest chapter but I wanted to get a new one up and writing helps clear my mind so I guess it is just a win win situation. Well it is in my mind. Next chapter will be longer I promise.**


	10. Chapter 10

**AN: just so you guys know this story will not contain any Brallie. I personally don't like it and cant bring my self to write it. Sure they are going to have some scenes together but it will be a brother sister relationship. Sorry if you like it. So obviously this story isn't going to go just like the show. **

Callie was curled up on the couch in between the women some how both of them had sensed she wanted them to be close with out her even asking. So when she went to sit on one of the chairs in the living room Stef had taken her by the shoulders and guided her to sit on the couch next to Lena and then she her self sat on the other side of the girl.

It wasn't just the fact that they knew what Callie needed but both of them wanted the girl close. These panic attacks didn't just scare Callie. Stef hated that she couldn't protect Callie from them like she would if it was something in the out side world causing harm to her daughter. These she could just be there after the fact, and it was killing the woman. She knew them just being there to comfort the girl was enough for Callie but she wanted to do more no she needed to do more. And she knew Lena was feeling the exact same way.

Callie was sitting quietly in between the two women she was pretending to watch the movie Stef had thrown on but honestly she wouldn't even be able to tell you what they were watching if asked. The events of the day were finally hitting her. She knew what had happened but she hadn't really processed it yet. These attacked were being triggered more and more often. She had had one in the middle of school, where any one could have seen. She didn't want to ever be seen as venerable at that school, every one there already hated her besides Wyatt. If they were to see her in that position they would not think twice about taking advantage of it. She couldn't believe she had such a bad reaction just hearing a set of words. Sure it didn't help that she had been shoved into the lockers but she was so used to people becoming physical that she really hadn't thought twice about it.

She knew that they were going to have to tell the other kids, sure she didn't want to but with them being triggered so often they were bound to find out sooner or later. She really didn't want another one of them finding out like Mariana had especially not Jude, she didn't think she could handle seeing his fear.

Sighing Callie sat forward and grabbed the remote pausing the movie. She could feel both of the older women's eyes on her. They had been both watching her on and off through out the time they had been sitting there. Obviously after the day she had they knew she wouldn't be alright but she really, really didn't want to open that can of worms just yet.

"What's wrong sweets are you okay?" Stef asked as she her self leaned forward placing her hand on the center of Callie's back automatically feeling the tension there. Her mind instantly going to the worst case scenario.

"Yeah. Yeah I'm fine." Callie let out a shaky breath and ran her fingers through her hair turning to look Stef in the eyes to show her she really was okay, she could hear the concern in the older woman's voice. She knew both women's minds went to something being wrong with her. She really couldn't blame them though. It made her smile that they were so concerned she really had never had that.

"so what's going on love? Why did you pause the movie?" Lena asked from the other side of her.

"We have to tell the others about all of this don't we?" All three knew the other kids would be asking questions on why Callie missed half of the day. She knew the older women had wanted to tell them from the beginning but hadn't because she asked them not too. "I mean I'm not handling all of this well and I really don't think any of the boys would handle seeing me like that. I'm sure they would freak out way more than Mariana did." The two mothers had to agree their boys definitely didn't handle emergencies well.

"Yeah sweets I think we are going to have to. I know you didn't want to but with them happening so often now we think it would be best to let them know. And you are handling all of this perfectly Callie. You are stronger than you think." Stef said as she lifted the younger girls chin to look into her eyes. "I know you don't want this to happen but it will be best. Your brothers all of them wont think anything less of you. I'm sure they will just want you to get better."

"But Jude.." She was cut of this time by Lena both women could hear the sadness in her voice as she mentioned Jude. They knew the girl was afraid of her younger brother finding out about the attacks and thinking less of her. They knew she thought she always needed to be strong for him. Which in Lena's prediction might be part of the cause of these. The girl had never had any time to process anything that had happened to her properly. Any one who had went through even half of what Callie had been through wouldn't have been able to get through any of it with out breaking down at one point or another, the girl hadn't had that chance yet because she was always protecting the young boy. Now that they were safe she was pretty sure all of the times she hadn't let her self break down was now catching up with the girl. The fact that they were safe may just be the reason Callie was breaking down, she felt like she finally could, even though she really didn't want too.

"Jude will be fine love. You don't have to protect him anymore. He will understand. And if he doesn't Mom and I will help him understand that you will be okay. That you are the same person he has known his entire life. Though we may have to tell him you may just be stronger now though." Confusion crossed Callie's face at the last sentence, how was she stronger? If anything she felt weak. Seeing the look of confusion Lena smiled softly at the girl. "Letting your self break down doesn't make you weak Callie not one bit."

"You and I have a different view of weak." Callie mumbled not really understanding what the women meant.

"You are dealing with everything Callie allowing yourself to do that is one of the strongest things you can do. I know it may not feel like it now but trust me one day you will see it." Stef smiled over Callie at her partner she could see that the woman's words were getting through to the teenager. She may not truly understand them yet but she didn't figure the girl really would just yet.

"I don't really see panic attacks as being strong. I'm not even choosing to have them so I don't really see that as me dealing with it."

"did you have these before you came to live with us Callie?" Lena chose not to comment on the girls tone knowing it was just from exhaustion and not quite understanding what the older woman was saying so she chose to go a different rout to try and get the girl to understand.

"No but what does that have to do with anything?"

"Do you think you may be breaking down because you feel safe here and can finally deal with everything because you don't feel like you have to protect Jude?"

"That doesn't make any sense, if I am safe why would I break down shouldn't I have fallen apart when all the bad was happening to me?"

"No I don't think so. Would you really let that happen to you if you knew you couldn't protect Jude?" Lena could still see the confusion in the girls eyes but she seemed to be understanding what Lena was saying.

"No I would do anything to protect Jude. Nothing would stop me from protecting him in any of those situations" Callie said strongly. That was when she finally understood what Lena meant. She could now finally allow her self to fall apart because Jude was no longer in any danger. She could finally start to let herself heal and not worry about being strong for her brother. "But how does me falling apart make me strong?"

"There is nothing wrong with falling apart love. That's what helps our minds heal. Now mom and I don't know even a quarter of what happened to you in the past but I'm guessing you never once let yourself heal." She didn't need an answer from the girl she saw it all in the younger girls eyes.

"You know mamas right, you know you and I we're a lot alike we think we have to be strong, tough, but trust me sometimes you just have to let your self fall apart and there's no shame in that not one bit. Allowing yourself to heal and letting us help you Callie it isn't weak it is truly strong. You are one of the strongest people I know."

Callie let both of the women's words sink in. She still didn't feel strong but she understood what they were getting at, though it was a lot to take in.

"Can I go take a nap it's been a long day and I'm getting a head ache." She could see the hesitation in the women's eyes but she really needed some time alone to think about everything that was just said. "Please?"

Stef was the first to speak the sudden question had thrown both her and Lena for a loop but she could understand why Callie would want to be alone.

"Yeah go ahead one of us will check on you in a little and we will get you for dinner. But I think we are going to tell the boys tonight, just so you know. I think the sooner we tell them will be the best." Callie just nodded and stood going to walk out of the room but paused and hugged both of the mothers murmuring a thank you to both of them. She didn't know if either would understand why she was saying thank you but she felt like she had to say it. No one else had ever taken the time to care about how she was feeling. With that she left the room.

When she got up to her room she fell into bed she wasn't lying about being tired and having a headache the day had taken a toll on her. Sighing she willed her mind to shut off and closed her eyes not wanting to deal with the thoughts swirling in her mind and fell asleep quickly. For once her sleep wasn't plagued by nightmares she was actually able to get a few hours of sleep before she felt someone shaking her softly.

"Callie sweet heart, its time for dinner." She awoke slowly hearing Lena's soft voice.

"What time is it?" She asked her voice filled with sleep.

"It's almost six, dinners going to be done in about ten minutes think you can be downstairs by then?" Nodding she watched Lena leave the room. She had only got three hours of sleep but for once she actually felt like it was enough and she didn't feel completely drained.

Taking a few minutes to stretch and allow her self to wake up she decided she better go downstairs before someone came looking for her. When she got to the kitchen she noticed she was the last one in the room.

"Hey sweets have a good nap?" Stef asked when she saw her oldest daughter standing in the entryway. She got a nod in return as the girl took a seat in between the twins. Dinner was filled with the normal chatter about how everyone's days went. Near the middle of it was when everything turned serious. It started with an simple innocent question.

"Why did you go home early today Callie? Are you sick?" Jude asked looking to his older sister. Lena had told him that his sister had went home at lunch when he had seen her in the halls and asked if she had seen Callie they were supposed to have had lunch together and she never showed up.

Everyone's eyes were now on the girl and she was frozen in her spot, she had a white knuckle grip on her silverware. She wasn't ready to answer this question, she had figured she had at least until after dinner. She couldn't bring herself to answer him. She looked towards Stef hoping the woman would take control of the situation.

"Well buddy we actually need to talk to all of you guys about that. You see Callie she was sort of sick." Stef started looking at the boy hoping to catch his eye but he was still looking at his sister who still had yet to move. Callie hadn't thought it would be this hard. She could just see the look of disappointment on her brothers face already when he found out she wasn't as tough as he though she was She wasn't sure she could handle seeing that look.

"What do you mean sort of sick?" Brandon's voice broke through the silence.

Being as Mariana knew what had been going on with Callie she was more focused on Callie than the conversation. Anyone with eyes could see her sister wasn't handling this conversation well. She really couldn't blame her Mariana knew Callie didn't want anyone knowing especially not Jude. Seeing that Callie had finally dropped her silverware and placed her hands in her lap Mariana took this chance to reach over and grab her sisters hand. She just wanted to show Callie she was there for her. She really wasn't expecting Callie to grab onto it like it was a life line. But if that was what her sister needed that is what Mariana would be.

"Callie has been having panic attacks. But we don't want you guys to worry Mama and I are helping her. She will be fine and we want you to know there is nothing wrong with her. Nothing is different she is the same Callie as she always has been." Stef finally said figuring it was best not to beat around the bush and just get straight to the point. She also wanted to make a point that there was absolutely nothing wrong with the girl.

Even with Mariana holding onto her hand Callie really couldn't deal with being in the room while they were talking about her like this. Standing up she excused her self and walked outside letting the cool fresh air wash over her. It instantly calmed her and cleared her mind of all the negative thoughts swirling through her mind. She knew soon one of her mothers were going to come looking for her but for right now she was relishing in the calm of the night.

Back in the house everyone was staring at the back door where Callie had just went through. No one knew exactly what to say. They just sat there for a few moments before Lena broke the silenced so they could calm their children's worries.

"We really need you guys to understand that while yes we understand you have questions about all of this you cant bombard Callie with them. If you have questions come to mom or I and we will answer them. We get this is scary and you may not understand. We really need you to understand that bombarding her would not be good for her. So if you have any questions now would be the time to ask." The took a few minutes explaining it all better to their children especially Jude who seemed to be understandably the most upset before they stood and went after their oldest daughter.

.

**An2: Yes I am leaving this at a cliff hanger I know I know I suck. But I feel that was a good spot to leave it. Next chapter I'm going to have the conversation between Jude and Callie so yeah until next time.**


	11. Chapter 11

**AN: Thank you guys so much for all your reviews by the way they always make my day. I honestly wasn't sure if any one would like it but honestly I just write because I love it and it is one of the best therapies for me. **

Stef and Lena found Callie sitting on the bench out back. Her legs were curled up to her chest. She sat there hugging them her head was resting on her knees and she was just staring across the yard. She hadn't looked up at them so they weren't sure if she really even knew they were there.

"I'm sorry for running out like that I know you guys really don't like when I do that but I just couldn't deal with that. I-I thought I could but I just.." She trailed off not finding the words for how she was exactly feeling. She still had yet to look at them but at least she had acknowledged them.

"You don't need to be sorry about not being able to deal with something love." Lena said as she sat next to the girl wrapping her arm around the girls shoulder. Even with the small amount of time the girl had been out here the cold had already set on her skin. Both mothers could see the goose bumps that had formed on her arms since she wasn't wearing a jacket. It was one of the coldest nights they had had so far.

"We are sorry that all of this happened like that. We were going to ask you if you wanted to be there for that conversation. Neither of us would have blamed you for not wanting to be there." Stef pulled a chair up to sit in front of the younger girl so she could see the girls face.

"I thought I could handle it. I would have said yes to be there for that conversation. I wanted to be there for Jude. He needs me to be there for him. How is he handling finding out about all of this. That I am a fraud" The two women shared a look silently communicating with one and other. Of course she would be more worried about Jude then her mental health.

"Love Jude will be fine. But its you we are worried about right now. How are you dealing with this?" Stef chose not to comment on her calling her self a fraud, that was a battle for another night

"I'm fine." She answered simply refusing to acknowledge that she honestly wasn't dealing with any of this well at all. Her mind kept attacking her. It kept telling her Jude would look at her differently now that he knew how screwed up she really was. He wasn't going to love her or look up to her any more like he used too. He was going to be so disappointed in her, and that was something she just couldn't take. She could handle her past foster parents telling her how weak and messed up she was but if Jude felt that way and finally believed that, it would absolutely kill her.

"Love.." Lena couldn't finish when the backdoor opened and all three sets of eyes turned to see Jude walking out into the backyard. He stopped in front of the three of them though he never took his eyes off of Callie.

"Can I talk to Callie please?" Stef sat there for a moment trying to get a read on how Callie was feeling. She could see the fear in the girls eyes but she knew Callie needed to hear what her younger brother had to say. She and Lena both knew he didn't think anything less of his older sister but Callie couldn't see that. Maybe hearing his say it would help her understand.

Sharing a look with Lena she nodded and stood patting Callie's knee trying to comfort the girl.

"If you need something we will be right inside cleaning up the kitchen." Lena said rubbing Callie's back trying her self to get the girl to calm down some. "Just don't stay out here to long neither of you are wearing a jacket and its cold out here." She said with a pointed look not wanting either of the siblings to get sick.

Jude took the spot Lena had just vacated sitting next to his sister not really sure where to start. He didn't really understand why she was so afraid to tell him about this. All he wanted was for his sister to be happy. She was always trying to make sure he was happy. She had sacrificed so much for him to be happy, he knew that. So many times she had taken a beating for him and took the blame for him so many times. She had been sent to juvie trying to protect him. She deserved to be happy.

"Callie.." He paused and looked at her waiting for her to meet his eyes. When she didn't he let out a frustrated sigh. Why wouldn't she look at him? What was she so afraid about?

"Callie Stef and Lena they kind of explained to me what was happening and I sort of understand it. Why are you so upset about me finding out?" He was watching her the entire time so he didn't miss the tear that rolled down her cheek even though she had tried so hard not to let it fall. She never let him see her cry, he never really understood that either. She had seen him cry on many occasions.

"I- Please talk to me Callie." The desperation in his voice was what finally shook Callie out of her shocked state.

"Jude I just I don't know what to say. I have been trying to deal with this on my own I just didn't want you to see me like this" She finally said after a few moments. Though she still refused to look at him. She was so sure he would have a look of disappointment on his face and she didn't want to face that yet.

"But why?" That question had been burning in his mind since Callie had left the dinner table and the mothers had explained to him what was going on with his sister.

He understood the panic attacks if anyone deserved to break down it was the person sitting next to him. The hell that she had endured through out the years warranted a breaking point. Sure he had been by her side though out it all but never once had he seen her break down. Every beating she had she took it with out breaking down. Every ugly thing any of their old foster parents had thrown at her she had taken on the chin and shrugged it off with out a second thought. The one time he had seen her really not be in control of her emotions was when their last foster father had found him in one of his wife's old dresses and hit him. She was in such a state of panic that she had let the situation get out of control by going after the mans car. That was when she ended up going to juvie and Jude had hated him self for that. If only he hadn't been in that dress none of that would have happened.

"I just didn't can we drop it please?" He could hear the raw emotion in his sisters voice it almost made him agree to drop it but he needed to know why she wouldn't tell him. They had made a pact to never keep secrets from each other and he wasn't about to let her break that promise to him.

"No no secrets remember? We promised that long ago and we aren't going to break that now. So why were you keeping this from me Callie?" He saw the hesitation in her eyes so he continued. "You don't need to protect me from this Callie. You can tell me."

"But I _**do**_ need to protect you Jude. You don't need to see me like this. And I really don't want you to see me having a panic attack, I don't want to scare you. You have seen me go through so much and take it all like it was nothing. I'm supposed to be strong for you. And me having these stupid attacks is not being strong for you it is weak!"

"No Callie you don't need to protect me from it. You have protected me for so much and I don't know if I could ever thank you enough for that but this this is where I can be strong for you. You are one of the strongest people I have ever met Callie you always will be strong. This is not making you weak you are so far from weak I just wish you could see it." And he truly meant that, he really couldn't understand how she saw her self as weak. They grew up in the same housed went through everything together.

"You shouldn't have to be strong for me Jude. I am the older sibling it is my job to do that for you not the other way around that isn't how it works."

"No but I am your brother that's what siblings do they are there for each other through thick and thin. Isn't that what you always told me that mom said? That we need to be there for each other when she couldn't? And besides everyone needs someone to lean on, everyone has their breaking point and all I want is for you to let me.. Well all of us Stef, Lena all the rest of us to be there for you. So you can get better and become even stronger than you are now." He paused and turned towards her hoping she would get the hint to look at him and continued . "All I want is for you to be happy and once you get over all of this I think you really will be able to let yourself get there. We are finally safe here Callie you do not have to protect me from anything her. It is time you start to protect your self." Everything he had just said stuck in her mind. Since when did he become so wise and grown up?

Callie finally glanced over at him and caught his eyes. What she saw was not something she expected instead of fear and sadness all she saw was such love and such protectiveness a look she usually gave him when something was bothering him, that was when the dam broke inside her. He wasn't seeing her any differently just saw her nothing more nothing less. He didn't see her as weak like she had feared he didn't see how messed up she was like she saw. All he saw was that his older sister was hurting and just wanted to help her.. He wrapped his arms around her and for once she let her self break down in front of her little brother.

Stef and Lena had been watching the scene from the kitchen window. The moment they saw Callie start to break down Stef looked over at Lena and smiled sadly.

"Should we go help?" She asked knowing the answer already but she really didn't like seeing one of her children in a state like that. Lena looked back out the window seeing the two Jacobs siblings hugging each other and shook her head.

"No she needs this. They both need this" Both mothers knew this to be true. They could see it was already helping Callie even if the girl didn't truly see it yet. It was definitely a step in the right direction. The took one last look at the pair before turning away from the window to give the siblings some privacy.

**AN 2: So I know Callie isn't really this fragile but to me I think it needed to happen.**


	12. Chapter 12

Callie and Jude sat out side for a while longer allowing Callie the time to calm down and let both siblings gather their thoughts about what had just happened. Callie was feeling much better now that she knew Jude didn't think any less of her, though she was still feeling bad about breaking down in front of him. Though they just had the conversation she still believed she had to be the strong sibling.

Looking over at Jude she noticed that he had his arms wrapped around him self and he was starting to shiver. Now that she noticed him shivering she was really starting to feel the coldness that had set over her. Lena was right they shouldn't have stayed out side as long as they did.

"Come on buddy lets go in and try and warm up some. Plus its getting kind of late we should be getting to bed soon. Obviously Jude had to go to bed earlier than her but he hated when she pointed that out. But tonight she would be going to bed early her self even though she had taken that nap earlier she was still exhausted. Everything that had happened in these past few weeks were catching up to her. She felt as though she could sleep forever and it still wouldn't be enough.

They both stood at the same time and started walking towards the house, as they did Callie put her arm around Jude's shoulder hugging him into her side. Jude stopped and looked up at her.

"How long has this been going on?" She looked down at him the look of confusion forming on her face.

"How long has what been going on?"

"The panic attacks how long have they been happening?" He asked the tone of his voice sounded like she should already have known what he was talking about.

"Oh uh, not long." Why would he be asking that? She was hoping her breaking down and crying in front of him would have been the end of the conversation.

"How long is not long?" He shook her arm off of his shoulder and backed up so he could look her in the eyes.

"A few weeks I guess I have had one once before but they are happening a lot more now. Why do you ask?"

"Is that why Stef made them take me to the arcade?" His voice held a venom to it that she had never heard him use. It was how she sounded after one of their past foster parents had hurt her.

"Don't be mad at them Jude they had just found out about it and needed to make sure I was okay before talking to anyone else about it. I asked them not to tell you guys they wanted to tell you."

"I'm not mad at them Callie. How much are you going to keep from me before you realize I am not a baby any more and I don't need you to protect me. Siblings shouldn't keep stuff like this from each other. What happened to me and you against the world?" She could hear the sound of betrayal in his voice. It was something she had never heard from him. Well at least not towards her.

"I needed to figure it out for my self Jude. Do you think I enjoy keeping things from you? I was afraid I had no idea what was going on with me. I still don't. I feel so _**broken **_Jude. I don't want to feel this way. I hate feeling this way. Which is why I asked Stef and Lena to get me help so I can start getting better. But me keeping this from you was not anything against you, I had to do it for my self. I didn't want you to see me so broken. I still don't. I don't even like Stef or Lena seeing me like that, but they are safe and I trust them." Her voice was starting to shake and crack from all of the emotion in her voice. Every reason she had been keeping this a secret was coming out and she couldn't stop it even if she tried. She was so tired emotionally, physically and mentally

"Do you not trust me?" He backed a few steps away from her like she had hit him.

"Of course I do. But Stef and Lena have the resources to help me. I don't even know how to deal with any of this. I have no idea who to go see about it. They do. So no I don't trust them more than you. But they are the ones who can help me. And I am coming to see them as mothers. And I love that I am. They will never replace mom but they come in a really close second. don't ever think I don't trust you Jude because I trust you more than anyone, but I cant expect you to help me when I cant even do that for my self. I promise once I get a better understanding of all of this I will talk to you about it. I just cant right now."

Jude stared at her for a few moments before his eyes softened and he nodded taking a few steps and wrapped his arms around her.

"I hope you can figure it out soon I don't like seeing you hurt" He mumbled into her chest. Callie pulled him tighter into the hug resting her chin on him.

"Me to buddy me too."

After that they headed into the kitchen finding Stef and Lena holding two cups in their hands. They handed both of them to the two kids standing in front of them. Callie looked down at the cups to find hot chocolate in her cup. She raised her eye brow and looked up at Lena she knew the woman didn't like any of their kids to have sweets this late at night.

"Normally I would disapprove of this but you guys were out there for quite some time and you need to warm up. We don't want either of you getting sick." She said matching Callie's raised eyebrow with her own. "But we can always take those cups from you two and drink them our selves what do you think Stef are you up for some hot chocolate?" She said with a grin forming on her lips never taking her eyes off of the kids in front of her.

"You know I am kind of thirsty and chocolate does sound good right about now." Stef said taking a step forward and reaching for Jude's cup, who in turn stepped under the womans arm and hurried out of the room. The tree remaining in the room looked at his retreating body all with fondness showing on their faces. As soon as he completely disappeared the older two looked to Callie their faces turning serious. Callie noticed this and before they could say anything she spoke up.

"I'm fine" She was tired and didn't want to have another serious discussion at the moment she honestly just wanted to go to her room and be alone for a little. Though she was more emotionally drained than physically tired but her body couldn't tell the difference at the moment.

"Callie.." Stef started but the look in the younger girls eyes stopped her. She could see how drained she was and she really did not want to push the girl to her breaking point. "Go on up to your room love if you need us please don't hesitate to come too us. Even if it is four in the morning. And I mean if you need anything even if it is just someone to talk to too neither of us would mind." She really didn't think the girl would take her up on the offer but she had to put it out there for her to hear. Both her and Lena knew if you didn't give her an invitation she wouldn't take it up on her own accord.

"Okay. I'm uh going to go up to my room do some homework I have to finish my assignment for Timothy's class, its due tomorrow." Before either woman could say another word she hugged both of them and left the room.

Callie headed to her room and pulled out the composition book Timothy had given her to write it. She honestly didn't want to do this assignment after the day she had, but she didn't want principal Sanchez to get wind that she had missed any assignments. The woman already was waiting for her to fail and Callie honestly did not want to give the woman any reason to put any bad notes on the report she sent in. So Callie was going to force her way through this assignment and turn it in even if she just half assed it it would be better than nothing in her book. Staring down at the open book in her lap she willed her had to start writing.

_ There have been many times that I have had to protect my little brother Jude. Growing up in the foster system I really had no choice but to protect him. From the tender age of nine I have been protecting him. You would think a nine year old girl wouldn't be able to do much to protect someone and you may be right but that never stopped me from trying my hardest. It is hard for me to talk let alone write about anything that has happened to me and my brother in the foster system, so I am not going to put any specifics into this but trust me the foster system is broken more broken than I am. Honestly it is a joke but what can anyone do to try and change it right? So when you are in the system you learn to fight to protect. The system couldn't care less about where they put you as long as it is on paper that you are in a "safe" home. Ninety percent of the time that isn't true. Jude and I have dealt with abusive foster families who starve you beat you, who don't care about your well being but as long as they get their check every month they will keep you around._

_ Even as a nine year old I knew my job as an older sister was to protect Jude. When our mom died that became very clear to me. In our first foster home it became clear to me. And in every foster home since up until the one we are in now I have been protecting him. His mind his body his innocence. I couldn't let that be taken away from him. As an older sister it is my job to keep him safe. _

_ You see in the foster system no one truly cares about you. You are just another mouth to feed another body taking up room in their home. But the government pays pretty good to let a child say with you, or so I've heard I have never honestly seen one of those checks for my self. You have to learn to protect your self and the ones you care about because you are the only one on your side. No one else will be there for you. You learn it is very hard to trust anyone. Some times it becomes hard to trust your own judgment but with Jude I had to make sure every move I made was the best for him. I never cared about what happened to me as long as I knew he would be safe. That is my main concern in life is to protect him. And I will continue to do that until the day I die., even if he doesn't want me too._

_\ _After the last sentence Callie shut he notebook. That was all she could write on the subject. She hoped Timothy would understand but even if she didn't she was not going to force her self to open up anymore about the subject. She didn't trust the man enough to write any deeper into the subject.

Looking at the time she noticed an hour had passed and it was getting late in the night. Her mind and body was exhausted so she laid down with the intent to sleep the entire night hoping the exhaustion would allow her to be able too.

**An: Kind of short chapter but I wanted to give you guys a little something. I am in Colorado again my brother got stabbed and had to get out here before I could write anything so I haven't been able to update like I have wanted too. So I apologies but family comes first you know? **


	13. Chapter 13

**AN: Thank you to everyone who wished my brother well. He is doing much better now and I'm back now I missed writing so much. But I'm back now hopefully for good.**

Stef and Lena had woken early the next morning both knew they needed to talk about the next step on how to help Callie with everything going on. They knew the girl wouldn't really approve of them talking about this with out her, seeing as it dealt with her but they felt they needed to get a game plan before discussing anything with her just yet. They had agreed the night before on waking up early to discuss this. Stef worked all weekend and early mornings were the only time they wouldn't have ears all over the house. Even though the other kids now knew about everything going on they did not need to know everything. This was Callie's business and hers alone to share but only if she felt like it.

As they entered the kitchen Stef went straight to the coffee pot thankful that they had thought to set the timer on it so that they would have coffee made as soon as they woke up. She didn't think she would be much of a contribution to their conversation this morning if she didn't have at least a cup before it. She poured two cups handing one to Lena so she could add everything she liked in it. Taking hers she took a large drink before turning to her partner. Both women sat at the table each one cradling their cups.

"So where should we start?" Lena asked after a moment of silence that allowed them both to wake up some and just enjoy the piece and quiet that had settled over the house.

"Well I suppose have you found a therapist that you would like Callie to see? I don't want her seeing just anyone. I want her to be seeing someone who will actually help her not just prescribe pills to her." Stef replied.

"I don't either that is why I have actually done quite a bit of research and I found two that I'm thinking will actually help. I read the comments on them and they are all really good. It is up to Callie though we will have to ask her. I wont make her see someone she isn't comfortable with. Though you do know they may prescribe her something for anxiety right?"

"I know but I don't want someone who goes straight to that. I have seen so many kids who get addicted to medication because doctors over prescribe I refuse to let that happen to our daughter. But if you think these two will help send me their names and I will run a few tests on them at the station."

Lena shook her head at that a smile forming on her lips. She loved how protective Stef was of their children. She did the same thing when they hired a piano tutor for Brandon and a baby sitter for the twins when they were younger. She was sure that when ever any of the kids brought home a date she ran a back round check on them though she would never admit to that.

"Ill send you an email when I get to work. I have all of the information on the computer there. Speaking of work do you think we should sent Callie to school today, after yesterday do you think It will be to overwhelming?" That had been on her mind all yesterday. She had meant to talk to Stef when she got home yesterday but she didn't want to wake the woman seeing her and Callie cuddled on the couch.

"I think we will have to ask her that love. I would prefer she stayed home but she knows her body better then we do.I am off today since I am pulling the weekend shift so she wouldn't be home alone. But it really is up to her love."

Lena sighed she agreed with Stef that it was Callie's choice neither of them wanted a fight this morning with the girl. But she also knew that if the girl looked even the slightest bit as tired as she looked the day before there was no choice she was staying home whether she liked it or not. Her mental heath was more important than one day of school.

"Okay when she wakes up we will ask her about it." Lena Stopped talking when she heard someone enter the kids bathroom up stairs. They waited to hear footsteps heading back to bed but instead they heard them heading down the stairs.

Callie awoke the next morning at five thirty, her alarm wasn't set to go off for another hour but she had actually got a good amount of sleep that night so she was wide awake. Her body wasn't used to getting that much sleep. She actually felt great that morning, well rested for the first time in a long time. Sighing she ran her fingers through her hair and rolled out of bed. No use in just lying there when she was awake already.

She made sure she didn't make a sound as she left the room, Mariana was not a morning person at all the girl loved her sleep and everyone knew to let her get as much sleep as she could.

Callie's first stop was the bathroom, she tamed her bed head and freshened up before heading down stairs. She was shocked to see the light on in the kitchen usually the moms didn't wake up for another hour. Walking into the kitchen she saw both of the older women looking towards the entry way to the kitchen.

"Oh uh were you guys having an important talk? I can go back up stairs I was just going to get some water." Callie said beginning to turn around to go back upstairs.

"No you're fine love. Mama and I were just talking." Stef said she was actually glad Callie was up so they could talk to the girl and she if she wanted to stay home for the day or not.

"Are you sure I mean its really not important."

"Yes were are sure get your water and come talk to us for a minute." Callie froze mid step as she went to head into the kitchen. When ever someone said they needed to talk to her it never ended well for her.

"Its nothing bad slug-a-bug we just have a question for you." Lena took over for Stef she knew where Stef was going with this, she was also glad Callie was up before the other kids. Usually when they offered one to stay home the rest tried convincing them that they needed to stay home. Though she was slightly concerned with the time the girl was up.

Though Lena had tried to reassure her nothing was wrong her words really didn't do much to calm Callie's fears those words just made her anxious. But she knew they wouldn't do anything to hurt her since they had been helping her so she steeled her nerves and sat next to Lena looking at both of them expectantly.

"First off how are you feeling its awfully early for you to be awake." Stef said looking the girl over to see any signs of the after effects of one of her panic attacks. She didn't see any but she still had to ask.

"Im fine I actually slept pretty good last night. I guess im just not used to getting that much sleep so my mind and body felt like it was time for me to be awake." Callie replied with a shrug. Both women could see the younger girl was telling the truth though they didn't like the fact that she was used to getting such little sleep.

"Well I am glad you actually got some sleep last night your body really needed it after these past few weeks." Lena said as she reached over and rubbed the girls back. She didn't even realize she was doing it until she felt the girl tense slightly and then relax.

Callie hadn't meant to tense up she really hoped Lena hadn't notice She didn't want these women to think she was afraid of them. That would be the farthest from the truth. When Lena kept rubbing her back she let out a sigh of relief, it felt really nice just like when her mom used to do when she was a kid. But she didn't think if Lena had pulled her hand away she would have been able to ask her to continue.

"Our next question is are you okay to go to school today?"

This took Callie by surprise. Why would she need to stay home from school? Especially since she went home early the day before. Shouldn't they be telling her she had to go to school?"

The women saw the confusion flash across Callie's face. They could see all of the thoughts going through her head but they waited to let her think it though. Most teenagers wouldn't have to think about this they would jump at the chance to stay home from school but Callie wasn't most teenager and they knew this. So they waited for her to speak it took a few moments but she eventually did answer them.

"Why would I stay home? I'm not sick" She really couldn't get why they were offering for her to stay home. She never stayed home from school. Sure she had ditched in the past but not at this family. She couldn't afford to mess up her. Jude loved this house this family. She loved it as well.

"No you are not physically sick love but you need to take care of your mental health as well. We don't want you pushing your self to a breaking point. We know how hard it has been for you lately so if you need to take a day off we would understand."

Callie stared at them for a moment letting Lena's words sink in. She knew they were concerned but offering for her to miss school was just weird to Callie. No one had ever offered to let her miss school. Though they hardly cared if she went half the time. The only time they cared was when schools bothered to call them to let them know she had missed a few classes or had a few unexcused absences. The school she went to at that time made parents come in for a meeting about her unexcused absences and caused the parents to miss a day of work. They were not happy about that and let Callie know they weren't happy. Though the parents had said they just forgot to call her in sick and got them cleared up Those times never ended well for Callie. This family was one of the most abusive towards her. They loved Jude and wanted to adopt him, but they did not like the fact that they were a package deal. After that parent teacher meeting she made sure she went to school except when the foster parents got sloppy with their abuse and hit her in the face. Then they would make her stay home or make her come up with an excuse. After that experience she never missed school or ditched again.

"I can't miss school I have an algebra test today and it is really important. Thank you for the offer but I really need to go. I have a few assignments due today and it just really isn't a day I can miss. So thank you but no I am going."

"Are you sure love? You can just turn in those assignments tomorrow you would have an excused absence it wouldn't count against you. You have never missed a day everything would be completely covered." Lena could sense something else was going on in Callie's mind making her not want to miss school. Her demeanor had changed and she wasn't looking at them now just staring a hole into the table.

"No I want to go. I don't want to fall behind besides it is almost the weekend I will rest this weekend all I have is group on one day and I will be fine." She paused trying to think of something that would convince the women to let her go. She wasn't even sure why she was freaking out about missing one day they were offering. She was sure she could use it to recharge but her mind just kept reverting back to that old foster home. And how she acted while there.

"How about this if it becomes too much for me. I go straight to you and I will go home and not argue with you guys about taking a day off again." She asked hoping this would convince them.

The women shared a look silently agreeing that it was a good plan.

"Fine but if it feels like to much you come straight to me and I mean that straight to me." Lena said her voice carrying a no nonsense tone that left no room for argument.

"I promise" Callie answered just as she heard her alarm going off upstairs.

"I have to go get ready I will see you in a little." She stood up and left the room leaving the women staring after her.

"Keep a close eye on her please. Something changed and I don't know if I like it." Lena nodded agreeing with her partner agreeing with her completely. She was going to ask a few of her closer teacher friends to keep an eye on the girl as well.


	14. Chapter 14

That morning Lena drove all the kids to school except for Brandon who had left earlier in the morning to be able to practice. It had been a normal hectic morning fighting over the bathroom her and Stef having to break up arguments. They had managed to get out of the house and made it to school on time though which was always a plus for her. She watched as all of the kids went in their separate ways waiting for them all to be out of ear shot before calling out to Callie.

"Hey Callie can I talk to you for a second?" She watched as the girls shoulders hunched slightly before she turned and faced the older woman.

"Yeah sure what's up?" She could see the girl was still off from earlier that morning but chose not to comment on it. She and Stef just figured she was nervous for her test that day and with everything that had happened the day before she could understand If the girl was nervous about coming back. She knew that in the girls mind she didn't like that Timothy had seen her in that fragile of state of mind and she had his class today.

"I know mom and I talked to you about this morning but if you start feeling anything is wrong please, please come to me."

"I promise if I feel like I'm going to go full blow crazy I will come to you."

"Having panic attacks does not make you crazy Callie." She caught the girl start to roll her eyes but shut it down with a stern look showing Callie that she was serious about what she was saying. "I'm serious Callie I don't like you thinking that about your self but we will talk about it later. But if you start feeling any of the tells that you may have one I need you to promise you will come to me. I am not saying you are going to have one I know you are strong and can function through school, but what you said this morning about having a busy day if it stresses you out too much come find me please." She made sure to add the last part so Callie didn't think they thought of her as some fragile basket case, they knew she was far from it but she really didn't want her daughter to have to go through what happened the day before ever again.

"I will but I have to get going my class is all the way across the school and I don't want to be late."

"Alright well if you are late tell your teacher to contact me and I will clear it up. Have a good day love and remember what I said." With that she watched as Callie walked off she heard the girl wish her a good day as well. She waited for another moment before heading to her office to start her own day.

When she finally made it to her office after having to 'remind' students that they them selves had to get to their classes she was met with Timothy standing in her office.

"Hey Timothy what's going on?" She watched as the man sat in a chair before she her self sat down.

"Hey Lena I just had a question for you."

"Okay shoot what do you need?"

"Its about Callie about what happened yesterday. She has my class today and how do I deal with that? Like how do I know what not to do to send her into one." She studied him for a moment and could see he was being genuine about his question and was really concerned about how to deal with this situation.

"Just treat her normally that would be the best for her she isn't broken or anything. If you feel like you need to keep an eye on her but don't make her uncomfortable. Something set her off yesterday and She spoke with Stef and I. We are dealing with it. But my best advice to you is please do not try and bring it up to her and just treat her the same as you have in the past."

"Why shouldn't I bring it up with her? I am a teacher and I want to make sure my students are okay that is our job Lena." With that her mother bear side came out. She knew he was doing it out of the goodness of his heart but she knew her daughter a whole hell of a lot more than he did.

"I understand that and I appreciate your concern Timothy, but she is my daughter and I know what is best for her and I am telling you that you asking her about any of this would not be good for her. She does not trust men which is why she was put with us in the first place. And she does not like to be viewed as weak. She is already nervous about seeing you today because you saw her that way. She doesn't even like her family seeing her like that. So please do not bring up her panic attack. Now I believe you have a class to prepare for soon lets not keep our students waiting." signaling the end of the conversation she watched as he left praying to god that he didn't say anything to Callie.

Callie's day had been going horribly. She was pretty sure she was going to fail her algebra test she just couldn't focus on it. No matter what she tried to tell her self or how much she had tried to convince her self to concentrate she just could not focus on it. All she could focus on was the feeling of anxiety that had been stuck in the back of her mind from the conversation from that morning. She knew noting was going to hurt her but she could not shake it. It was not anything to be worried about she had dealt with more anxiety that this so she just kept going through out her day. Though the fact that she thought she was going to fail her test just added to her anxiety level.

It was only the beginning of her second class and she was feeling like this. She had briefly thought about going and telling Lena but she told her self this was nothing no reason to go and bother the woman while she was working. Sighing Callie placed her head on her desk and focused on her breathing for a few moments attempting to push the feelings down. It had worked for the most part but she could still feel it lingering in the back of her mind like an itch you just cant get rid of.

She watched as the rest of the students entered the classroom including Brandon who happened to sit right next to her. He took one look at her and raised his eye brow.

"Are you okay Callie? You are really pale."

"I 'm fine don't worry about it." She turned her head to face the front of the class hoping he would get the hint and drop it but her luck didn't let that happen.

"Are you sure maybe you should go talk to mama." She just shook her head and chose not to reply. Before he could say anything else the teacher entered the room stopping all conversations in their tracks. He kept trying to get her attention but she just pretended like she was doing work though once again she really couldn't focus on what she was doing. The feeling of anxiety had come back full force and with a vengeance. She looked up at he clock and sighed forty five minutes left of this class and four more hours left of school before she could leave and go hide in her room for a bit. She thought about just skipping the rest of the day but that really would not go well with Stef and Lena. _Just go talk to Lena _her mind screamed at her but her pride was telling her to just tough it out until she couldn't take it anymore. Though her body was telling her to talk to Lena as well. All of the sleepless nights and attacks were finally catching up to her. She was beginning to have a splitting headache and her body was sore from head too toe. Sighing she knew she was going to have to go talk to Lena her wishing that this would just go away wasn't helping at all. Looking back up at the clock she sighed as she saw only five minutes had passed. It felt like an hour had passed since she last looked at the clock.

Grabbing her bag she walked up to the teachers desk ignoring Brandon's questioning looks again he had been giving her them the entire period.

"What can I do for you Callie?"

"Umm can I go to the nurses office I'm really not feeling well." She watched as a teacher took a long look at her trying to see if she was telling the truth and not just trying to get out of class to goof off.

"Alright but you are going to have to make up for this assignment you know that right?"

" I know I will I promise. Thank you." He handed her a nurses pass and she left the room heading towards the front office. She had almost made it there when she ran into Timothy who just happened to be on hall monitor duty.

"Do you have a hall pass Callie." She just nodded and handed him her nurses pass.

"I am actually glad I ran into you. How are you doing after yesterday that was some scary stuff."

"Look I appreciate your concern but I really just want to get to the nurses office." She wasn't trying to be rude but he was the last person she wanted to see right now. She hadn't realized how nervous she was about having to see him until this moment. She didn't like the fact that he had seen her in that position and really really didn't want to talk to him about this. Stef and Lena were different they were her moms but he was just a teacher he didn't need to know about anything but her school work.

"I am just concerned about you Callie I was just asking how you were." He stepped in front of her and reached out and touched her shoulder until she jerked back making it fall away.

"Please don't touch me. I am fine after yesterday but please do not touch me." her hands were now up in defense. Se didn't care that he was a teacher she did not like men touching her even though she knew it wasn't meant to be threatening. "Can I just go now?" Before he could answer she stepped around him and started to walk away but was stopped by his hand on her shoulder again She closed her eyes taking a deep shaky breath before turning towards him.

"You know if you need someone to talk to you can talk to me."

"I have my moms for that. Now once again remove your hand and let me go to the nurse." Her voice was desperate by now she knew that and he could hear it, so he removed his hand and handed her back her pass. She turned away and all but ran to Lena's office. She found Lena sitting at her desk typing on her computer. The woman hadn't noticed her come in. Normally she would have knocked but now she just wanted to go home.

"Mama?" Lena's head lifted hearing Callies voice the moment she heard it she knew something was wrong. Standing up she made her way to her daughter and wrapped her in a hug, one which Callie didn't pull away from but fell into. Lena could feel the tenseness of the girls body and could feel her shaking. She lead the girl to a chair before walking over and shutting her office door.

"What happened love?" She knelt in front of the younger girl looking into her eyes she could see the fear behind them that Callie was trying to hide.

"I have been feeling anxious all day and when I got to my second class it got worse so I got a nurse pass and came here. But Timothy stopped me and was trying to ask me about yesterday and he touched my shoulder and it just it sent me back and then I tried walking away and he stopped me and I just I can't…. I can't deal with men touching me I know he meant well but I can't."

Lena's eyes darkened hearing that last part. Had she not just had this conversation with him about talking to Callie? Sighing she shook her head now was not the time to dwell on that her daughter needed her but she was going to be having a discussion with the man later.

"Let me just go text mom and tell her to come pick you up ill just be a moment." She grabbed her phone and opened her texts clicking on Stef's name.

_ Hey love Callie isn't doing well. She hasn't had a panic attack but she needs you to come pick her up._ She set her phone down and walked back over to Callie taking the seat next to her.

"Thank you for keeping your promise and coming to me love." She saw Callie nod from the corner of her eye. They sat in silence for a few moments before Callie spoke breaking the silence.

"We used to be in a foster home. It wasn't a good one at all. Well they were good to Jude but they didn't want me. But Jude and I are a package deal as you already know. But they weren't happy about having me there. They weren't nice to me. I know you already know about all of the school I missed about that time. I used to not go much which I know isn't good but there were days where I just didn't want to be around people so I just would miss a few classes here or there. But I didn't think the school would call my foster parents in for a parent teacher conference. That made them miss a day of work and they really weren't happy about that. Before that they had hit me. It was usually just once or twice but once we got through the front door that day." She stopped and shook her head. Lena was now watching her every move she seemed so calm talking about all of this. The only way she could tell it was really bothering the young girl was her voice was shaking and her eyes were misted over with unshed tears. "That day I ended up with three broken ribs and a concussion that they never took me to the hospital for. They kept me out of school for a few days I don't even remember the excuse that they gave the school but it had apparently worked because no one ever questioned me why I was gone for a week and why I was in so much pain when I came back. Jude and I were in that home for three months after that. They finally got tired of me I guess because one day Bill showed us and told us to pack our bags."

"Is that why you wanted to go to school today?"

"Yeah I mean I know you and Stef would never do anything like that to me but I have never liked missing school since then." She said with a shrug her arms were wrapped around her mid section as she remembered the pain she felt during that time.

"Oh love.." She stood up pulling Callie into another tight hug. Apparently that was the right move because the moment she had touched the girl it was like a damn broke In her and the tears started to fall. Lena let her cry knowing the girl needed to finally cry over her broken past. She did everything she could to comfort her but it didn't seem like enough at the moment.

**AN: I really like Timothy I do but I needed some what of a quote un quote villain. I wanted to show that even if your intentions are pure if someone has anxiety issues don't just try and push them to talk it makes it so much worse for that person. Well really anyone but yeah that is enough of my ramblings. **


	15. Chapter 15

After Stef had come and picked Callie up to take the girl back home to rest Lena set her mind on finding Timothy. It was a few minutes until the lunch bell would ring to let the students on their lunch break so she stood out side of his class room. Her face was extremely calm but inside she was fuming. She wisely had made the choice not to tell Stef about what had happened the woman would have never left the building with out giving the man a piece of her mind. But Callie had really just wanted to go home and it would have done the poor girl no good if Stef would have ripped the mans throat out in front of her.

Hearing the bell signal pulled Lena out of her thoughts and she watched as the students filed out of the room some greeting her as they passed by. She smiled politely greeted them all back. As the last student passed her she steeled her face and entered the room closing the door behind her.

"Oh Lena I didn't realize you were stopping by I was about to go on lunch duty." The way he was talking to her like nothing had happened and he hadn't ignored her orders to not talk to Callie was really starting to irritate her. Taking a Calming breath she looked at the man.

"Oh this wont take long I just have a question for you." He looked up at her hearing the clipped tone of her voice and saw the look on her face. Though he didn't comment on it just figuring she wasn't happy about something.

"Okay shoot what is it."

"Would you care to explain to me why you chose to ignore my warning about talking to Callie about what happened yesterday and why you put your hand on her when not only once but multiple times when she asked you not to touch her. You know she has issues with men so why on earth would you think that would be a good idea. Especially restraining her when she was trying to walk away from you." Her voice had got louder through the conversation but she was making sure not to yell. That would be unprofessional and she was never one to truly yell.

"I was just trying to make sure one of my students were okay Lena. Would we be having this conversation if you weren't fostering her?"

"First of all she isn't just a foster child to Stef and I she is my daughter. And secondly no we would be having this conversation if it was any other student. The way you handled it was extremely unprofessional. You never put your hand on a student when they ask you not to. I looked at the tape and she made it well known that she was uncomfortable. As her mother and the vice principal of this school I am warning you If you ever put your hands on a student again with out their permission it will not go well for you. I know you meant well but you did not handle this properly at all. You are lucky Callie understood that you meant no harm. If she were to go to the board you could have been suspended or worse. So I am giving you your warning do ever do anything like that again."

"Understood." He looked at the floor and took a breath before looking back up at her. "I truly apologies I meant no harm by it. I was just concerned. I should have listened to you as my boss and as her mother. It wont happen again." She could tell his words were sincere so she let the conversation drop. She was still fuming but she could tell he truly felt bad about everything that had happened.

"Just please don't ever do it again. You are an amazing teacher but that cant ever happen again Timothy if it does there will be repercussions." With that she left the room and headed back to her office. Sighing she checked her phone seeing a text from Stef telling her that Callie was okay and sleeping. Grabbing her phone she dialed Stefs number, it only rang once before the woman answered.

"Hey my love." That caused a smile to form on Lenas face every time she heard Stef say that cause her to feel butterflies.

"Hey how is she?"

"Callie is fine she is taking a nap no panic attacks thankfully. What happened to cause this to happen?" Lena sighed and told her the entire story including everything that had just happened with Timothy.

"Well I am not happy with the man but you handled it a whole lot better than I would have. Oh before I forget I looked at the two therapists and I think that doctor Applegate would be better for Callie. And I already Called her she has an opening Tomorrow afternoon. Do you think you will be able to get away for that time. I know Callie wants us both to be there."

"I can get away no problem. Thank you for calling and making the appointment."

" Of course. Well I have to get to some paper work I will see you when you get home love." With that they said their good byes.

Back at the house Stef was doing paper work when she heard Callie walk into the room and sit next to her.

"How are you feeling sweets?" She looked up at the girl who looked completely and utterly exhausted.

"Im tired of having this problem. I am tired of having these attacks. I just want to be normal." Callie mumbled into the table as she laid her forehead on it. Stef smiled sadly and reached over rubbing the girls back.

"Well I'm not sure if this is good or bad news but I made an appointment tomorrow for you for your first therapy appointment. I promise it will help you out." She saw Callie sigh and then nod

"Are you sure there is no miracle cure for any of this?" Callie turned her head and looked at Stef she knew there wasn't but a girl could hope right?

"Nope sadly not love. We are just going to have to get through it together." Callie sighed again before lifting her head and looking back at Stef.

"Are you and mama coming with me?" Stef could see the hope fill the girls eyes and it made Stef's heart swell with happiness.

"Of course we are love. We wouldn't want to be anywhere else. Do you want us to accompany you in the appointment? "

"Do you want too?"

"It is up to you sweets mama and I can wait in the waiting room or we can join you either way we will both be there for you. " She saw Callie process for a moment before she made up her mind.

"I think I want to do it on my own for right now. If I cant I can always just have you guys come back later in the appointment right?"

"Of course love."

The next afternoon Callie sat next to Stef and Lena with her leg bouncing she was so nervous about this appointment. She had never been to a therapist before and she was freaking out. She had heard from other foster kids about anything they say goes back to their parents and then nothing ever changes. Granted Stef and Lena were different than most foster parents but the horror stories were stuck in her head.

"Are you sure you don't want one of us to go in there with you love?" She looked down at Stef's hand that was now resting on bouncing leg and then up to Stef's eyes. All she saw was pure concern filling them and she almost felt bad that she had requested that they not be present for this meeting.

"Yeah I'm sure at least not this one. It is something I need to do on my own for right now." She looked back down to the questionnaire she was asked to fill out and willed her leg to be still, she needed to be brave.

"Callie Jacobs?" She looked up to see a middle aged woman standing in the doorway leading to the back rooms. She looked at the two women sitting next to her and stood when they smiled and nodded at her. They stood with her to meet the therapist she glanced over at Stef who seemed to be sizing the woman up, Callie wasn't sure why she would be doing that but didn't question it.

"Ah you must be Callie's foster parents I am doctor Tammy Applegate it is nice to meet you both." She shook each of the women's hands before turning to look at Callie. "Are you ready?" Nodding Callie followed the woman through the door and through a series of hallways before finally reaching the woman's office.

"Have a seat anywhere dear and we will begin." She looked around the room looking at the couch and random chairs before walking to the couch and sitting on the middle seat curling her legs under her.

The doctor was watching her every move, she wasn't sure if she liked that or not.

"Can I see the questionnaire we had you fill out?" Callie handed the paper over to the doctor and watched at the woman looked it over. "You left a few questions un answered." The woman looked up and Callie waiting for a reaction from Callie but all the girl did was nod. "Those are some pretty important questions can I ask why you didn't fill them out?"

"I didn't think I needed too the instructions said I didn't have to so I didn't."

"Well you are one of the few who actually read that part of it. But there has to be a reason why you didn't fill them out. Usually if someone doesn't answer something on here they are trying to hide their true feelings." Callie could tell the woman was trying to get a rise out of her to get her to open up more.

"I just didn't want to answer the question. Can we get to why I am really here?"

"Well this questionnaire is linked to anxiety we have a few separate ones for the assorted reasons of why people go to a therapist it helps us get to know you better so we can make the best course on helping you through all of this but we will go back to this." She set the paper on the table next to her seat and looked back at Callie. "So what lead you to want to come see a therapist Callie?" Callie stared at the woman for a few moments before answering. She wasn't sure if she liked her, it could be her distrust of therapists from the horror stories she had heard or another reason but she wasn't sure if she trusted her.

"I have been having panic attacks." Callie said with a shrug.

"Do you want to elaborate on that?" The doctor could tell Callie's walls were up in full swing she could see it from the moment she set eyes on the girl. She could also tell the girl needed this maybe more than any teenager she had ever treated before.

"I have had quite a few panic attacks in the last few months set off from memories or dreams or someone saying a certain set of words."

"Most people who suffer from panic attacks have had some form of traumatic experience do you think that could be why you are having them?" Callie looked at the woman with a raised eye brow anyone with a brain could tell from what she just said she had had some form of 'traumatic experience'. But this woman was the professional so she was going to assume she knew what she was doing.

"Take your pick my mom died when I was nine at the same time my dad was thrown in jail. My brother and I were thrown into the foster system where ninety percent of the time there was some form of abuse going on. So yeah I think I have had a traumatic experience as you put it." Callie was glad that she had asked Stef and Lena not to come in with her she knew they would be lecturing her on how she was talking to this woman but she didn't know how else to act she had never done this before, opening up was one this she hated doing. But if it was going to help her she was trying to fight past that.

" That is quite a list. Is your foster home now a good home?" She saw the shift in the woman's eyes. It went from unreadable to concerned in the blink of an eye . At least she was actually concerned for her patients.

"Yeah it is a good home no its not just good it is the best one I have ever been in Stef and Lena they care. I have never been in a home where the parents treat you like one of their own kids. With them I am not just a monthly check. They actually care. They treat me like a daughter. With them I'm not just taking up space in their home they actually made room for my brother and I." By this time Callie had a fond smile forming on her lips.

"I was going to ask about it again most children lie about it. Usually when a foster child says the home is safe nine times out of ten it isn't but hearing you talk about them and seeing your face light up there is no way you were lying. Add to the fact that your foster mothers are very protective of you. I just had to ask." Callie nodded.

"So I know you don't want to talk about this but I have to ask again." She watched as the doctor reached over and picked up the paper she had set down in the beginning of the session and looked at Callie whose smile had disappeared.

"So starting off with the first question you skipped how do you value your self on a scale to one too ten?" she looked up at the young girl and watched as she visibly curled into her self.

"I don't know. I don't have one." Callie answered with another shrug.

"You have to have some view of what you think of your self Callie. Everyone has one. What is yours about you?"

"No you misunderstood me. I don't have any self worth or view on my self. My entire life has been put to protecting my little brother. I didn't ever care what happened to me as long as he was safe. That is all I needed to do. Ever. As long as he was safe that was all I needed. That was my self worth was to make sure he was safe as long as that was true it was all I ever needed." The doctor was watching her and writing down a few notes in her note pad before setting it down and looking Callie in the eyes.

"Tell me five things you like about your self Callie. And one of them cant be you kept your brother safe through all of these years." They sat in silence as Callie sat there thinking about anything good about her self. She honestly couldn't think of anything. She didn't think there was anything honestly good about her self.

"I cant think of anything."

"I'm going to give you some homework for the next time I see you. This part is going to be two parts. First part I want you to write a list of ten things you like about your self it can be appearance wise, it can be personality wise anything just ten things. The second part I want you too have your family write the same list about you, things they love about you. And next time we see each other we are going to read them together."

"Why does my family have too write them?" Callie was terrified to hear what her family thought about her what if they couldn't think of anything? What if they only could think of bad things?

"It will help you promise you that. Now to the next question you skipped. Have you ever thought about suicide Callie?" Callie sat there in silence for a long while before finally nodding her head. "Have you thought about it recently?" Once again she nodded her words were failing her. "Have you acted upon those thoughts?"

"Once but a few years ago. I immediately regretted it. Jude and I we were in a really bad place and I just wanted to end all the pain, I was being beaten almost daily. I just wanted it to be over. But as soon as I made the first cut in my wrist I regretted it I couldn't leave Jude to deal with that . He hardly handled it when our mom died. I couldn't let him go through that again. But I get the thoughts here and there. I would never do it again though."

"When do you get these thoughts?" The older woman adjusted her position and leaned closer to Callie she could tell this conversation was really getting to the young girl. Her eyes were glistening with unshed tears and her hands were starting to shake but the woman needed to know the answers to these questions to find the best treatment for the girl.

"I guess right after I have a flash back and attack. I just I pushed these memories away a long time ago and I don't want to relive all of that hell ever again. Its hard not to think about it. I know me and Jude made it through it before but all of the fear and sadness and pain I felt it feels so real like I am back in those memories and I cant stop it. I want to stop it so bad I don't want to feel like this anymore. I-I just want to be a normal sixteen year old girl worrying about boys not worrying about oh someone said the wrong thing someone touched me the wrong way. I m tired of being constantly afraid. I am tired of these stupid panic attacks." By the end of her speech Callie had tears spilling from her eyes.

"That's what you are here for Callie we will get you through this. It wont be an easy road but you will get through it and you will be stronger then ever but you will have to do everything I say. Some of it may seem like it wont help you but I promise you it will. I want you to keep a journal. Write everything you feel. Write your flash backs down. Write what ever you want to. I will ask to read some of it. If you don't want me reading something tell me and I wont break that trust. That journal will stay between me and you. I feel that if you want you foster mothers to know anything you will tell them. The only time I will get them involved is if I am seriously concerned about your health. I will tell them about your homework assignments I give you but that it is." doctor Applegate looked at her watch and stood.

"That is all the time we have for the day Callie you did extremely well today. I promise you I will help you get through all of this." She reached over and handed the young girl a few tissues allowing her time to compose her self before she had to face the real world again.


	16. Chapter 16

_** AN: Just trigger warning I dive a little deeper into Callies mind in this and talk a little about her cutting. **_

After her appointment Stef and Lena took Callie out to lunch to give her a bit more time to have some alone time. Granted they were there but if they were to bring her straight home she would be ambushed by Jude and Mariana who would have a million questions for her. About how it went, how she felt, if she was okay. All of which she had no answers for. She was freaking out about the homework assignment doctor Applegate had given her. A journal was easy especially since the woman had told her she wasn't going to read everything in it. There were some things Callie had buried so deep in her mind that even Jude had no idea about. With hose things Callie was glad he didn't know about them.

They had been on their way home but Callie was so far into her own world that she hadn't noticed they had made it there.

"Callie love?" Lena's voice broke through all of the thoughts swirling around in her mind. Shaking her head she looked around noticing where they were she looked up at the woman. "You okay slug-a-bug?" Nodding she unbuckled her seat belt and stepped out of the car. Lena followed her a concerned look crossing her features.

"Yeah sorry I guess I just zoned out and went into my own world."

"That's alright love I just didn't want to leave you out here." The woman smiled softly at her before wrapping her arm around the girls shoulder and lead her around the car and into the house.

The moment she stepped in the house it was as though Jude had been waiting very impatiently by the door. Mariana was sitting on the couch pretending to do homework but Callie could tell she wanted to be right next to her younger brother.

"Are you okay? How was it?" Jude could see the tired look in her eyes and it was written all over her face though that didn't surprise him, Callie hated therapists and opening up to strangers. She had a hard enough time opening up with their new family he couldn't imagine how hard it was for her to open up to a complete stranger. That was if she really did.

"I'm fine buddy." He stood there studying her for a few moments trying to read her emotions but he wasn't as good as she was with that skill. From their past she had grown an extremely good poker face. The only ones who were ever able to see past all of her walls besides him were Stef and Lena and they were so much better at it then he was.

She could see he was trying to get a read on her and he was becoming frustrated by the lack of him being able to so she decided to throw him a bone and softened her features and smiled softly at him.

"Really buddy I am fine I'm just not used to therapy is all." She said with a shrug.

"But you are okay? It wasn't too hard?" Sighing softly she was tired of trying to keep a brave face on and answering questions she really did not know how to answer.

"It was hard but I think it is going to help a lot." As soon as Callie said she thought it was going to help a bight smile crossed his face and he lurched forward and wrapped his arms around her center hugging her close.

"You really think it is going to help?" He lifted his head to look up at her his eyes full of hope.

" I really do buddy."

"Hey Jude why don't we let Callie go put her stuff away and you can help me go start dinner. Lena spoke noticing the tension in Callie's shoulders. They both knew this was going to be hard on the girl and she didn't need the other kids bugging her about every little detail that had to do with therapy. He took one last look at Callie before sighing and following Lena into the kitchen.

Callie went to walk up the stairs but stopped when she heard Mariana calling her. Looking back she saw the younger teen standing in the hallway fidgeting with the ring she was wearing on her right hand.

"Don't worry I'm not going to bug you with any questions about how therapy went. I know how much it sucks and having every one bug you about it doesn't really help. And I know moms are taking care of it. But I just wanted you to know if you ever need to talk about it or a shoulder to cry on or anything I'm here for you. Even if you want to vent about how stupid the questions they ask you are. I have been and I know how lame it can be sometimes. So uh yeah I just.. Yeah." Callie was surprised the girl was struggling with her words usually if she had something to say she was very blunt about it.

"Thanks Mari I may take you up on that offer but right now I just…" Sighing once more Callie was trying to resist the urge to scream she hated no knowing how she felt.

"Don't worry I get it. Go hang out in our room for a bit I will make sure none of the boys bug you for a while. You need some time to process everything and trust me you can not do that with a house full of people bugging you." With that Mariana left the room and went into the kitchen to help with dinner.

Callie stood there staring after the girl she now saw as her sister, that conversation had surprised her to say the least. She was expecting her to be right along side Jude asking her a million different questions. She definitely was not expecting her to make sure she got some space to process everything she was feeling. Callie was extremely grateful for that. Turning back around she headed up the stairs and went to their shared room she closed the door behind her and rested her back against it. Her head made a dull thud as it connected with the door.

Callie couldn't understand what she was feeling they hadn't really talked about anything deep in her session, but she felt numb. She didn't really feel better. But she didn't feel the same as before, just numb. Maybe it was bringing up and actually admitting to someone besides Stef and Lena that her childhood wasn't the greatest. Now that she thought about it she was surprised at her self. She had opened up more in this one session than she had thought she would.

Callie walked across the room and fell onto her bed. She thought about the homework assignment that Dr. Applegate had given her. Ten things she liked about her self. This shouldn't be as hard as it was, but in all honesty Callie didn't truly like her self. Sure she came off confident but she learned that if you didn't people would mess with you more. But if you had confidence people respected that. And tended not to mess with you as much sure it didn't always help but moving from school to school and house to house she was always the new kid. She always had something to prove. Add to the fact that she had to protect Jude as well it made it all the more important that people second guessed messing with them.

Sitting up she grabbed a note book off of her night stand and opened it to a clean page and stared at it. Ten things just ten things she could do this. She wrote the number one on the first line and sat there looking at the blank page. A few minutes had passed and she hadn't thought of a single thing.

Some people had told her she had a nice body but she disagreed it was covered in scars. Some too light to see but she knew they were there others were more obvious. Though those scars were from times she protected her brother. She would rather be the one to wear them for the rest of her life than have to see Jude wearing them. She went to write she was protective of Jude but she remembered that was the one rule to this she couldn't write that. It had honestly surprised her that Dr. Applegate knew she would put that. The woman was actually pretty good at reading her. Sighing Callie placed her head in her hands and once again had to resist the urge to let out a frustrated scream. Why was this so difficult?

Opening her eyes she noticed her sleeve had slid down her arm and caught site of the six straight horizontal scars that ran across her wrist. Those were the scars she hated the most. That was her weakest and most selfish moment. Though In all honesty when she had made them it had felt good, way too good. But she could never do it again, she would never do it again. The thought to try cutting again had popped into her mind more than she liked. And Even though it had felt good to her she knew if she ever did it again and Jude ever found out it would cause him so much pain and that would kill her more than anything else. She lowered her arms and ran her right thumb across the raised scar on her left arm. She closed her eyes and took a deep breath as she ran her thumb across it a few more times before shaking her head and pushed her sleeve back down to cover her wrist again. She could not start thinking like that again.

Looking down at her lap she looked back at the forgotten not book and let out a frustrated sight before shutting it and throwing it back onto her night stand. The assignment could wait until later.

She wondered if her family would have this hard of a time coming up with their lists about her. That part of this assignment really worried her. Dr. Applegate had told both Stef and Lena about the homework assignment and they had readily agreed to do anything that would help. She could see the questioning looks in both of their eyes but neither had voiced those questions. They had just said they would do anything to help and had told her they would let the other kids know about it so she wouldn't have to. She was grateful for that because she knew it would become very awkward for her if she was the one who had to do it. What would she say? 'Hey guys my shrink says I need you guys to write ten things you find good or like about me. Because I couldn't answer it for my self.' No thank you

A knock on the bedroom door broke her out of her thoughts. She looked up to see Mariana poking her head into the room.

"Hey Callie moms wanted me to come tell you dinner is about done. They want everyone to wash up and be at the table in five minutes." She just nodded for her answer and watched as the door shut. Standing up she took another deep breath and relaxed her body steeling her nerves and put on her best poker face. She hoped no one else brought up her therapy appointment today. She was tired of talking about it. At least until she knew how she really felt and could get her mind wrapped around it.

_**Hey guys sorry it has taken me so long to update. I have had a really hard time with this chapter. I am not really a fan of it but that could be because f the personal connection I have with this. Who knows? I feel like this is just kind of a filler chapter that needed to happen to let you guys a little bit more Into Callie's head. Sorry if you guys aren't a fan of this chapter but like I said I feel like it needed to happen.**_


	17. Chapter 17

_**AN: Thank you guys so much for all of your sweet reviews on the last chapeter. I onestly was sure how you guys would react. The story was supposed to be one about self harm. Obviously it took a different to dealing with panic attacks. I may start a new story about self harm or just add that factor to this one but i am not sure yet. Anyway thank you once again i truely apriciate it.**_

A few days had passed since Calie's last appointment and things had been going well forthe girl. Timothy had appologized to her with LEna present of course and she was able to go back to his class with out thingsbeing awkward between the too of them which she was grateful for she actually really enjoyed his class. It turned out to be one of her favorites. She was actually thriving in most of her classes and she hadnt had a panic attack or nightmare all week.

Her next appointment was set for after school today and Callie still had yet to write the list that Dr' Applegate had asked of her. It wasn't for lack of trying though she tried every night to try and complete it. The empty page was taunting her. Screaming at her that she was worthless a point she was proving to herself by not being able to write even a single thing about her self that she liked and thought was good. The rest of the family had finished theirs the day it was asked of them. It had been so easy for them and she wished she had it that easy. Honestly she wished she didnt know they had to write this list as well because every day her mind was assaulted with worry and anxiety about what they wrote. Stef and Lena had hid the stack of envelopes that held those lists as well. She wondered how they knew she would look for them. One day when she was home alone she had spent an hour looking for them.

Hearing the bell that signaled lunch Callie sighed she knew she had to complete this assignment and lunch was the only time today she would be able to work on it before her and Lena had to head to the office. Maybe if she made up things it would pacify Dr' Applegate and she would never have to do this ever again and would be able to forget about it.

Callie walked outside to the courtyard and sat at a table where she wished no one would sit at. She really didnt want any of her classmates to read any of what she was writing. It was bad enough that they all knew she was a foster kid and had been to Juvie. If they knew she was in therapy as well it would put a huge target on her back well an even bigger one than she already had.

She pulled out the note book and a pen and opened it to the first page. The number one stared at her willing her to wite somthing, anything just to get this over with.

Callie tried to tink of everything good she had ever heard about her self but the only words that came to mind were those that she heard from previous foster homes. Worthless. Selfish. Bitch. Ugly. Fat. Freak. Broken. Weak. Stupid. All of these words were burned into her mind. Shaking her head to try and rid her self of these negative thoughts Callie sighed. She used to think so much of the world. She used to see it full of wonder and hope, now all she saw was the evil in it. It was dirty and dark not full of good. It was funny to her how she saw these things but refused to let Jude suffer the same fate she had. She never wanted to see his world shattered like hers had been. But yet no matter what she knew to be true she refused to let his childish wonder and view of the world be crushed. Somtimes she hared the fact that she had been broken to the point of no return and he stayed to innocent. No she wasn't resentful of him she could never wish that on the younger bou, however she somrtimes wished she had that back. She wished she could trust and love as easily as him and had never been forced to endure the evils of the world.

She used to this so much more of her self as well. But when you are told something so much at such a young age, so vulnurable. By so many people you tend to believe those words thrown at you. REalistically she knew those homes were abusive and she should never believe anything that was said to her but her mind and soul were broken. Those words were what had formed who she is today.

Sighing once again Callie looked back down at he blank page. Screw it she thought obviously she wasnt going to think of something about her sekf so she looked around at the other girls in the courtyard. They all seemed so carefree so happy. Maybe she could draw some inspiration from them.

1) Strong willed. She wrote as her eyes landed on one of the girls she recognized from one of her classes. The girl was arguing her point of view to another set of girls. CAllie had no idea what the argument was about the words faded and Callie honestly didn't care what they were arguing about. But the girl jsut seemed so passionate about the whole thing. Well there was another thing she could write. She knew this was believable because she could be very argumentive when it came to something she felt strongly about.

2) Passionate. She figured Dr. Applegate could believe this, honestly there were a few things she was passioante about but nothing she believed was enough to be able to be a good thing about her. If asked she would say something about guitar or photography two things she though she was actually kid of good at.

3) Smart. She wrote as her eyes fell on a group who were huddled around a set of text books studying. This was believable even though she was no where near the top of her class but she also wasnt at the bottom. She was thankful for that she had learned that lesson the hard way.

4) Independent. This one wrote its self. Callie had no idea where it came from but it was on the page already. She had basically been hers and Judes provider for a majority oftheir lives so it honestly was true. That was a main reason why it was so hard for her to let people take care of them. Old habits die hard.

5) A fighter. This one she knew was true. She would fight till her last breath for anyone she cared about. Her mother had told her when she was younger that she had been a fighter since the day she was born.

6) Protective. She knew the doctor didnt want this on her list but it was something she prided her self on. And it wasn't like she was just protective of Hude no it was her entire family. And anyone she cared about.

7)Kind. The words seemed to be writing them selves by this point. Callie didn't put too much thought into it as long as she could get this over with and never have to think about it ever again. So she chose not to dwell on it. She looked to the list and back around the courtyard. No other word were coming to her and lunch was due to end in a few minutes. Seven would have to do she thought as she shut the notebook and shoved it back into her bag. She didnt realize the list she wrote was not about all the girls she thought but it came from her subconious and every word was about her. Even if she refused to believe it.

The rest of the day passed in a blur. Every minute that drew a close to the day made Callie's nerves worse. She knew there was no way to get out of therapy and she asked for the help but she was still dreading it. She was worried about what was in those envelopes. When the final bell rang Callie numbly stood. She wished this wasn't bugging her as much as it really was. She prided herself on not letting peoples words hurt her anymore. But this familmeant everything to her and what they thought was the world to her. She had grown to love them even though she had promised her self to never let a family get close enough to hurt her ever again.

Walking to Lena's office Callie steeled her nerves and put on a fake smile hoping it was real enough to fool the older woman she didnt want her to worry about her. She honestly didn't get why shewas so worried about those papers this family constantly told her how much they cared and loved her.

When she reached the older womans office she watched as Lena was typing away on her computer and hadn't noticed her yet. Callie knocked softly on the door and watched as the womans head snapped up to look at her.

"Sorry i didnt mean to scare you. Uh you are still taking me to therapy right? Plans didn't change?" She watched as Lena's eyes flicked towards the clock and them back to her.

"Yeah love I'm still taking you. Sorry i lost track of time doing paper work. Let me just transfer this to a drive so i can work on it at home." CAllie watched as she grabbed a flash drive and clicked her computer a few times before she spoke up. She didnt want to be the reason the oman fell behind.

"I can take the bus if you want. I dont want you to fall behind just because i am broken." Callie hadnt even realized what she said until she saw the sadness flicker through the older woman's eyes.

"You are not broken Callie not one bit. I never want you to think that about yourself. You are just going through a rough patch. It happens to the best of us. And i would much rather take you anywhere you needed to go. Even if i did fall behind in work which I am not." She pulled the young girl into a hug and kissed the top of her head. " You are so strong Callie. remember that. I will tell you that every day if I need to. But you ae not broken. Okay?" CAllie just nodded not being able to speak around the lump that had formed in her throat. "LEts get going shall we?" Before Callie could answer Lena had her arm around the young girls shoulder and was leading her out of the building to the car.

The ride was quiet neither of them spoke the only sound was the radio playing softly in the backround. When they pulled up to the office Lena was the first to exit the car. Callie sat there for a moment taking a moment to just breath before forcing her self out of the car grabbing her notebook before shutting the door.

They walked into the building together Lena's arm had found its way back ariund the girls shoulder and to both of their suprise Callie leaned into it pulling stength from the comfort it brought her. They stayed that was as they waited in the waiting room. CAllies eyes constantly flicking around and back to the door she knew the doctor was going to come through at any moment. Her nerves were all over the place.

She held her breath as she watched the door open and Dr. Applegate walked out her eyes landed on the pair as they stood and a soft smile formed on her lips.

"Hello Lena, how are you doing today?" They exchanged pleasantries before the doctors eyes landed back on Callie.

"Are you ready to go back?" Callie nodded and stepped away from Lena casting one last glace at the woman who offered a suportive smile.

"I will be right out here when you get out love." She nodded and watched as Lena reached into her purse and pulled out the stack of envelopes that had haunted her thoughts through this past week.

As they got to the office Callie took residence on the couch pulling her knees to her chest and rested her chin on them.

"How are you doing today Callie?"

"Fine" Came Callies automatic responce.

"Just fine? Care to elaborate?" Callie shrugged her shoulders and shook her head no at the same time.

"Have you had anymore attacks since we last spoke?"

"Nope no attacks or nightmares." Her eyes hadnt left the stack of papers that were sitting on the table next to the woman. The breifly left as Callie knew it was rude not to look at the woman when she was talking to her. But they landed straight back onto them when she fisnished.

"Well that is good. I would like to speak a bit about your attacks before we deal with you homework i left you with last week. What do they feel like?"

"It feels like i can't breath. My heart feels like it is going to beat out of my chest. I get shaky and cant really hear or see. I feel like i want to run but cant move. I Feel trapped in my own mind and body."

"That sounds scary how do you deal with them?"

"I find a empty room where no one is and let it happen.I dont want them to worry about me."

"Can i ask why not." Callie jsut shrugged she really didnt want to get into it.

"Well i can tell you from personal experiance having someone there to help you through it is the best way to deal with them. They can help you get un trapped. I know Stef and Lena have no problem helping you. They jsut want you to be safe" Callie just looked away she was done with talking about this.

"Alright well i guess now is a good time to get into the homework assignment. Can I see your list?" Callie took a breath and reached over handing the older woman the notebook. She watched as she studied it for a few moments before handing it back to the girl.

"There are only seven words wrote here, Can i ask why?" Callie just shrugged. The woman gave her a pointed look causing the younger girl to sigh.

"I couldnt think of anything else. Honestly it was hard enough for me to get those few down."

"And those things you wrote you believe them to be true?" She watched as the younger girl stared down at the page in front of her. She saw her tense up at the last question. She knew this assignment wouldnt be easy for the girl and hoped she would get the point behind it.

"Callie?" Callie sighed and looked up at the woman sitting across from her.

"No" She whispered just loud enough for the woman to hear, if she hadn't been listening she would have missed it.

"I am going to give you the lists your family wrote and i want you to really read them. You are a special girl who is loved by so many people Callie. They see how special you are. Take your time REad them." She handed the envelopes to the girl who took them with shaky hands. Callie opened the first and then the next and the next. Until her lap was covered in pages with words that her family thought of her. Tears filled her eyes and fell down onto the pages below smearing some of the letters but she still knew what the read.

_**Determines. STrong. Proud. Confident. Loving. Unique. Talented. Creative. Artistic. Protective. Loved. PAssionate. Fighter. Beautiful. Amazing. Kind Generous**_. So many words she couldn't see about her self. But her family could. They didn't see her and broken or worthless but so many other kind words she didn't think she deserved.

"I want you to read these every day before you go to bed and as you wake up. Anytime you feel like you are doubting how truely amazing you are. Your family sees how amazing you are Callie i think it is time you see it as well.

**AN: I apologize for how long it took me to post this ive had to write it three times because my computer would crash everytime i tried to write.**


	18. Chapter 18

At the end of the session Callie took her time neatly folded all of the pages not wanting to tear or wrinkle and of them. Even though she her self couldn't beleive what was wrote down on them they were the thoughts and feelings of her family and she didn't want to damage a single one. She thankfully didn't have any homework for the following week, she wasn't sure if she could emotionally handle another week where shewas constantly worrying and stressing over anything like that again. She was hoping she could finally have a week where she wasnt emotionally drained. Reading all of those pages she had finally felt a sense of happyness and joy. AS she was putting them up her eyes took in each word once again.

Standing up she held the papers close to her not ready yet to let the feeling that they gave her go. She never wanted that to go away. She followed Dr. Applegate out of the room and to the waiting room where she saw Lena sitting. She had never thought she wouldn't still be there but seeing the older woman still there waiting for her made a small smile spread across her lips. Still seeing her there she felt relief wash all over her. It amazed her that just seeing the older woman being there made her feel so happy.

She was finally starting to understand that Stef and Lena were there for her, they weren't like any of her past foster homes. They actually cared. And seeing that the woman was still there waiting finally made it click they weren't just going to drop her off and make her deal with everything on her own. She could count on them to support her and be there for her. Callie understood that was something she needed to work on, trusting people and not assuming they were going to abandon her. Stef and Lena had proved it time and time again but her mind was to stubborn to realize that they would be there. That they cared. Callie knew she had a long way to go before she truly believed this one hundred percent but she was slowly coming to this realization.

Lena stood up and walked across the waiting room to where they were standing. The older woman took one look at Callie and knew she had been crying. All she wanted to do was take the young girl into her arms and hug her but she knew that that would just embarrass her and she didn't want to push the girl after she knew what had to have been a hard session. Both her and Stef had seen Callie struggling with the homework assignment all week. All either of them wanted to do was make the whole thing easier for her but they also understood that she needed to do it on her own. If they had helped her with the assignment it wouldn't have really helped Callie in the long run. She had hated seeing the girl have such a tough time with it. It broke her heart knowing that she was struggling with what was such and easy task for the rest of the family. Though she knew for Callie it had to have been one of the hardest things for the girl. She wished Callie could see how amazing she truly was. How much joy she had brought to their family.

"Will the same time next week work for both of you?" Lena's thoughts were broken by Dr. Applegate's voice.

"Yes that should work either Stef or my self will be able to bring her." Lena responded. They had talked to the doctor over the phone and all had agreed that Callie should come to a meeting each week. They all knew that even though she really didn't like therapy she would benefit for coming in every week.

"Alright that is all set I will see you next week Callie. You both have a good rest of your day." Dr. Applegate said with a smile and walked back towards her office. Callie watched her disappear before turning to see Lena watching her. She couldn't read the expression on the woman's face.

" Are you ready to go home love?" The older woman asked once again wrapping her arm around Callie's shoulder. It wasn't a full hug like Lena truly wanted to give her but it would have to do for now. Callie nodded and let Lena lead her out of the office

Callie hadn't realized how much she liked when Lena did little things like wrapping her arm around her. but right now all she wanted was the comfort it brought her. In the past she would have pulled away but right now she couldn't even think about even wanting to pull away. They walked to the car in silence neither knowing exactly what to say. Both were lost in their own thoughts. Callie's thoughts were on how much this family meant to her. And Lena's were concern for Callie.

When they reached the car Callie hesitated before turning to Lena. She could see the concern filling the older woman's eyes, she knew the woman was worried but she had to do this before she lost all of her nerve. She crossed the distance between them and pulled Lena into a tight hug. Lena didn't even hesitate to return the hug even though she was filled with surprise that Callie was initiating this hug.

"Thank you" Callie's words were muffled by her face being pressed into Lena's shoulder but the older woman had heard them perfectly. She pulled back slightly looking down at the younger girl. Confusion was etched all over her face.  
"For what love?" She was genuinely confused at what Callie was thanking her for. She hadn't done anything special. Well not that she knew of.

"Everything, you and Stef I don't deserve what you guys have given me. So thank you." Both knew she was talking about the papers she still clutched in her hands but neither commented on it.. Lena smiled sadly before placing her palm on Callie's cheek wiping away the fresh tears that were spilling out if the girls eyes. She her self as trying not to let her own tears spill out. Hearing that her daughter didn't think she deserved their love broke her heart more than anything in this world ever could. She wished she knew how to let the young girl see how much she really did deserve everything in the world. It was at this moment that Lena felt so much hate for the girls past foster families and the system that allowed this loving amazing girl to be sent to those homes and be so broken and hurt. It was at that moment Lena knew she would do anything for Callie to make her believe that she was worth so much more than what the girl thought of her self.

"No you deserve so much more Love." She pulled the girl into another hug trying to show how much she loved the girl.

AN: So I know this chapter was super short but I just wanted to write a little bit of fluff and I didn't want to ruin it with too much drama. I hope you guys liked it.


	19. Chapter 19

Callie had agreed to let Mariana drag her to the mall. The younger girl kept insisting that they needed a sisters day and what better way to have one than go to the mall? For Callie it could have been anything else she hated the mall with a passion. Malls were way to crowded and she hated the stereotype that teenage girls needed to go there to hang out, there were so many other places they could go to have fun. But Mariana was just so excited about going and Callie didn't want to say no and hurt her sisters feelings so she begrudgingly agreed to tag along. Lena had dropped them off and had told them to call when they wanted to be picked up and someone would come get them.

They had been browsing around for a while now and Callie was ready to leave. She couldn't take hearing about how cute a boy was from the other girls in the mall. She was sure if she had to she would pierce her own ear drums to have some peace and quiet. But she kept a smile on her face the entire time for Marianas sake, she didn't want her sister to think she wasn't having a good time. Because she liked hanging out with Mariana she really did it was nice having a sister with all the boy's in their house. before her mom had died she was trying to convince her that she needed a this just wasn't her scene.

Callie was looking around one of the stores Mariana had drug her into she wasn't even paying attention to the name all she knew was her sister had told her they _needed _to go there they had the best clothing. But the younger girl had said that about three other stores so Callie just laughed and told her they could go in there. They had been in there a total of thirty seconds before Mariana ad taken off in her own direction leaving Callie to her self. The store wasn't big so Callie made sure to keep Mariana with in eye sight while she pretended to look around. She knew she didn't need to keep an eye on the younger girl but she told her elf it was to keep Mariana safe. Though in all reality the crowds in mall's made Callie's anxiety go through the roof. She would never admit that to the other girl though because she would insist that they call Lena and leave the mall all together. Callie really didn't to do that it would just run their day together. She could suck it up for a few more hours. She was actually having a good time with Mariana though she would never say it out loud because she knew the younger girl would want to come every weekend and Callie just couldn't handle that. Maybe she could convince Mariana to go somewhere else next weekend.

Her inner monologue stopped abruptly when she looked across the store to see the back of a young mans head. Her breath stopped short and her heart rate picked up. 'It can't be him' She thought to her self. She used to see him in men's faces all the time but hadn't done that in a while. Callie close her eyes and took a deep breath before looking up only to find the man she was staring at was no longer there. She went to look around and nearly screamed when she came face to face with Mariana.

"Oh sorry Callie I didn't mean to scare you. I had called you I thought you knew I was here." Mariana was staring at her concern was wrote all over the younger girls face. "Are you okay Callie? Do I need to call Mama? You are really pale." Mariana had already pulled out her phone and was going to call Lena. That was what snapped Callie out of her trance. She didn't want to have Lena have to drive up here after they had been here for such a short time there would have been no point in her even dropping them off at that point.

"NO!" Her response had startled Mariana and caused a few people in the store to turn and try and see what the commotion was about causing a slight blush to form on Callie's cheeks she hated when people stared at her. " I mean no its alright. Maybe I just need to get something to eat. You know we didn't have breakfast this morning and I read somewhere that not eating can cause people to go pale and zone out like I was doing." She watched as the concern fell from Marianas face as she accepted Callie's answer.

"Alright well let's go to the food court moms would kill me if I let you pass out and die or something." Mariana said as she looped her arm through Callie's and led them out of the store. She wasn't paying attention so Callie took this time to look back around trying to find the person who had caused her to panic but she didn't see anyone who looked like that left in the store. Callie was truly hoping it was just her mind playing tricks on her again.

They reached the food court which was packed just causing Callie's anxiety to raise again. Taking a deep breath she looked around the food court trying to focus on something besides the feeling of bees frantically flying around in her stomach. She was hoping to normality of trying to figure out what she wanted to eat would calm it some. Though she wasn't sure with how she was feeling at this moment she could even eat a bite.

She had got her food and reached the table before Mariana who had wanted Chinese food while Callie had just went for a simple burger. She was only sitting there for a few moments and was searching through her bag to find her phone before she heard the chair across from her slide out and felt the table move. She looked up expecting to see Mariana sitting across from her only to find the man from before sitting across from her. only this time she knew her mind was not playing tricks on her.

"Liam." She had tried to make her voice come out strong but it came out just above a whisper.

"Callie. I thought that was you I saw back then I had to make sure though. You look good." He reached across the table to touch her arm which she jerked away quickly before he could lay a finger on her.

"What are you doing here Liam?" Her voice was stronger this time but the fear she was feeling showed as her voice shook when she said his name.

"I saw you in the store earlier and I just had to come and say hello. I haven't seen you in for ever Cals." To any one else listening to this conversation it would sound like Liam was being a good guy and meeting up with a friend he hadn't seen it a while. But Callie saw the smirk that formed on his lips. It Caused chills to run up her spine.

"Don't call me that. You know I hate it I always have." She spoke though her teeth as she clenched her jaw. He knew how to push her buttons better than anyone else. "You need to leave." She said as she saw Mariana walking u with her tray of food. She did not want Liam meeting her sister.

"Why I just got her _Cals." _He put an emphasis on the nickname his smirk growing as he saw her flinch. She had always hated when he called her that and he knew that.

"I don't care you need to leave Liam." By this point Mariana had reached the table and was looking in between the two with confusion she could see how tense her sister was and the way her hands were shaking let her know nothing good was happening. She didn't know who this guy was but it was obvious by her older sisters reaction her was not welcome.

"Hey Callie Mama just called she's on her way to come pick us up" She needed to come up with a reason to get Callie away from this guy and that was the first thing that had come to her mind. She puled out her phone and sent a quick text asking if she could come pick hem up. The reply was quick saying that she would be there soon she had stayed in the area. Mariana was grateful for that she didn't want her sister being there any longer than she had too. She had no idea what was going on but she knew the look Callie had on her face it was the same look that the older girl had had the night she saw Callie having her panic attack.

Callie didn't say anything but stood anyway grabbing her bag. Liam stood as well.

"Well let me walk you two ladies out." Mariana felt Callie grab her arm and she turned towards the man who was now standing.

"Oh no that's fine our mom is outside already and she really wouldn't be happy to see us walking out with an older guy. But thank you." She said sweetly probably overly sweet but she didn't care. She didn't wait for the man to reply before pulling Callie away.

"I'll see you later Callie." She heard him call after them but neither of them turned around or even let him know that they had heard him.

They made it out side before Callie leaned against a wall and slid down it her shaking hands covered the back of her head and her heard was placed between her knees. She was taking shaky breaths Mariana could hear her struggling to breath.

"Callie?" She asked not quite sure what to do to help her sister.

"Im.. okay." Callie responded her voice was hoarse and just above a whisper but at least she was replying Mariana thought. She looked around and saw Lena's car pulling up in front of the mall.

"Mama's here Callie do you think you can make it to her car?" Callie lifted her head and looked over at Lena's car. She knew she couldn't hide something was wrong tears were freely streaming down her cheeks and she could feel a panic attack coming but she forced her self to stand and all but ran to Lena's car tearing the passenger door open.

Lena was startled when the door was ripped open and her oldest daughter flew into her car but what shocked her even more was the girl was crying. She looked back at Mariana for an answer but all she got was a shake of the head and a shrug from her youngest daughter. She could tell Mariana was scared as well and was telling the truth. She pulled Callie into a hug and rubbed soothing circles on the young girls back. Murmuring words of comfort to the girl. She just wished she knew what had happened.

_**AN: So obviously I know that is not how Liam came into the show but I wanted to do something a little different with the story line. anyway I hoped you guys liked it.**_


	20. Chapter 20

Lena quickly drove home keeping a close on both of her daughters it was obvious that they were both scared and she wished she knew what was going on. Callie was close to having a panic attack and Mariana was becoming stressed about the condition her older sister was in. She was glad Stef was the only one home. Brandon had gone to Mike's for the weekend Jesus was with Lexi and Jude was with Connor. It was very unusual that any of the kids were home during the day on a weekend. Today she was thankful for that fact. Lena was also glad that she needed to run some errands on that side of town with the state that her daughters were in, if she had gone back home it would have taken her over twenty minutes to get to them and none of them would have benefited from that fact. Callie was barley hanging on to reality by this point and Mariana had no clue how to handle one of Callie's attacks. Lena could see Callie was trying to be strong and not let the younger girl see her in that state of mine but it was a losing fight. There was surprisingly light track going back towards the house so it was taking less time to get home. At least that was on their side.

Looking over at Callie briefly she saw the girl was shaking worse now and her breathing had picked up to short strained breaths. She was holding on to the door handle so hard that her knuckles had turned white. It seemed as though this was her only anchor to reality. Her shaking had also become worse. All Lena wanted to do was reach over and touch the girl to let her know she was there but that last time she did that Callie had flinched away from her. The last thing the woman wanted to do was scare the girl deeper into her mind.

"Mariana when we get home I want you to run inside and get mom for me. Then i want you to stay inside. Mom and I will help Callie through this." She knew her youngest daughter would want to help so she made sure her voice left no room for argument. Though to her surprise the girl didn't even try to argue she just nodded and mumbled an okay letting the woman know she would do exactly what was asked of her.

They turned into their driveway and as soon as the car was stopped Mariana had unbuckled and ran inside to find Stef. While she was doing that Lena had also unbuckled and went around the car to open Callie's door so she could see her better. The young girls eyes were shut tightly but tears still leaked out and traveled down her cheeks. Stef was now beside her and went to reach for the young girl. As soon as her hand touched the girls leg Callie's eyes snapped open and she was attempting to scramble away from them. Terror filled her every movement. the only thing stopping her was her seat belt that was still securely strapped across her

"No no no please no don't touch me!" Her voice was desperate at this moment and that fact alone scared each woman, they had never seen their daughter like this. She was terrified.

"Okay love we wont touch you i promise but we are going to need you to look at us love. I know you are scared but we can help you though this." Lena was glad Stef was there because seeing their daughter like this she would never have been able to be as calm as her partner was being. Though the other woman's voice was shaking a sign that showed Lena that she was just as scared and concerned for the young girl.

"Can you do that for me sweets can you just look at me?" I took a few minutes but the girls eyes finally turned towards them and she finally stopped trying to escape from them. They had moved back a few feet leaving the car door open, the didn't want to over crowd the girl. it was obvious that she didn't want them close. What ever was going through her mind was causing her not to be able to realize she was safely home. They really needed to find out what had caused her to become so scared. But the only person who could do that was sitting right in front of them and was in no shape to tell them what the needed to know. Though the main thing on both woman's minds were to get Callie to calm down enough to where her breathing wasn't erratic and cause for concern.

"That's good love now i wont touch you but do you think you can match my breathing?" Stefs voice was calmer and had taken on a much more soothing tone that was washing over Callie causing the fog in her mind to start to clear. She still didn't realize they were sitting there but her subconscious was telling her she was safe and could trust them so she decided she would listen to them. She gave them a slight nod and that was all they needed.

"Okay good girl now breath in as deep and slow as you can love." Stef watched as the girl did as instructed it was very strained but at least it was deeper than what her previous breaths had been. "Now I need you to hold it for a few counts." She paused and watched the young girl once again follow her instructions. "Okay let it out and we are going to do it over and over. Do you think you can do that for me sweets?" Once again she was met with a small nod and she smiled softly as long as the girl was listening she didn't need anything else from her. They repeated the process over and over again until Callie's breaths were deep and even and all the strain was gone. With her focusing on her breathing instead of what had ben replaying over and over again in her head. All the other symptoms of her attack had stopped as well.

"Mom?" Callie asked her voice hoarse from crying and the strained breathing.

"Yeah love mama and I are right here." Stef spoke stepping closer figuring it was now safe to get closer to the young girl. The moment she was kneeling next to her Callie quickly unbuckled and fell into her pulling the woman into a tight hug, the force almost knocking them both off balance. Quickly correcting them with the help of Lena who had caught them by placing her hand on Stef's back she pulled the girl towards her hugging her back. They stayed like that for a few moments. Callie was thankful they were there after the events of the day she just needed a hug from her moms.

"How about we all head inside and talk yeah?" Lena spoke as she stoked Callie's hair. She would prefer to be hugging the girl as well but there was no room in the car doorway for all three of them so she did the next best thing which was that. With Callie's permission they helped her up and headed to the front door. As soon as the door opened they saw Mariana who had been pacing in front of it. She had been trying her hardest to obey her moms orders to let them handle it but her sister wasn't doing good and all she wanted to do was help. As soon as she caught sight of them in the door she stepped towards her sister but hesitated not wanting to crowd the other girl. Noticing her hesitation Callie stepped forward and pulled the younger girl into a hug. This was the most physical contact Callie had allowed any of them to give her since she had come to their house. Not that any of them were complaining.

"Sorry I ruined our trip to the mall." Callie spoke softly but all of them had heard it. Before either of the mothers could answer Mariana spoke.

"You have nothing to be sorry for. I got to spend the day with you and that is all i wanted. Sure it didn't end as well as I hoped it would but there will be other times for shopping trips." she said winking at Callie who in return rolled her eyes playfully. "Besides I have homework to do so it is a good thing we came home." She really didn't but she knew that their moms wanted to talk to Callie and she didn't need to be there for it. So she made up and excuse to get away. The three other women in the room watched as the youngest girl left the room before turning to look at each other.

"Alright well shall we?" Stef spoke first gesturing towards the living room. The three headed into the room Callie sitting on the couch while Lena sat next to her and Stef sat on the table sitting directly across from Callie. None of them knew exactly where to start the conversation all three of them were still a bit shaken up from everything that had happened.

"Soo.?" Callie spoke first she was terrible at starting emotional conversations being as she never knew exactly how to handle strong emotions like this. The mothers had broken through many of her walls but there were still quite a few still firmly in place and standing tall causing it to be difficult for the young girl.

"Want to tell us what happened at the mall?" Stef finally spoke deciding to get right to the point. She knew Callie would appreciate this fact the girl was basically her carbon copy and neither enjoyed beating around the bush.

"It's not important." Callie mumbled really not wanting to talk about Liam. She was sure if the older women found out about what had happened between the two they would not want her and send her and Jude back into the system. She knew the older women said this was their last way station but with everything that had happened recently she was sure this would be the final straw if they found out about it.

"Of course it is important love. Neither Mom or I have ever seen you that terrified." Lena spoke placing her hand on the girls knee to try and break her of her thoughts. Both women could sense the girls wheels turning in her head and both knew when that happened usually Callie wasn't thinking anything good, especially at times like this.

"Mama and i are here for you love nothing you could say will ever make us not be here for you." Stef spoke next leaning forward to catch the young girls eyes to show her how serious they were. Callie stayed quiet for a few moments before finally speaking.

"I ran into someone I knew from a previous foster home. Someone i had hoped i would never have to see again." She started looking down her hands had become very interesting at that moment. Stef reached over placing her own hand on top of the girls to try and get her to look at them.

"And I'm guessing from you reaction of seeing them that someone did something to you?" Stefs voice was calm and soothing trying to get the girl to give them more information about what had happened. All they got in return to the question was another nod.

"What did they do love?" Lena spoke next her voice just as calm, knowing Stef she knew the woman would be upset. Looking over she saw the woman flexing her jaw muscles which proved her point. Both of the women were extremely protective of their children and hated when they heard someone did something to one of them. Stef though was more vocal and passionate about and Lena didn't want her reaction to scare the girl.

"I can't.. I can't talk about it yet." Callie's voice was just a whisper but she knew both had heard her. The tone of her voice cause great concern to fill both women but they knew pushing the young girl to talk about it would do more harm than good. Looking at each other they had a silent conversation before they turned their attention back to the young girl on the couch.

"Okay love we wont force you to talk about it but when ever you are ready to we want you to know you can come to us. Any time of the day or night." Stef made sure to add the last part knowing Callie she would never come to them in the middle of the night. She never wanted to wake them, so she made sure to add that she could wake them up if she needed to talk during the night. That was usually when the girls mind would run ramped and both women knew that. They waited for Callie to nod before they ended the conversation.

Callie left the room and headed up to their room to find Mariana on her computer. When the younger girl noticed Callie enter to room she smiled and closed her laptop.

"Are you okay?" Came the hesitant question. Mariana knew that she had just talked this over with their moms but she had to make sure for her self.

"Yeah. No. I don't know." Callie's response was honest she was not sure what she was feeling at the moment. Seeing Liam had sent her emotions into overdrive and the were all over the place.

"Who was that guy?" Callie really didn't want to answer but she knew the younger girl wouldn't be as easy to get her to stop asking questions as their mothers.

"Liam." She spoke her voice cracking on the single word. She hated thinking of him let alone saying his name.

"How do you know him? I mean I have never heard you talk about him."

"There's a reason I don't talk about him." Came the harsh response. Seeing the younger girl flinch from her snapping Callie sighed and walked across the room sitting at the foot of Mariana's bed.

"Sorry I didn't mean to be rude. Liam is just someone I don't talk about." They sat in silence for while before Callie broke the silence. "Liam was an old foster brother. Jude and I stayed with their family for a while. Something happened between us and now were are her." Mariana nodded, she knew she wouldn't get anything else from her sister. So she decided not to push it. But now she knew the mans face and she could make sure he never came near her sister ever again.


	21. Chapter 21

Callie had group today. She hated going to group. Sure it helped some people but her she didn't need a bunch of other people knowing all of her buisness. But it was required of her for her probation and she really didn't want to get sent back to Juvie for not attending. So she would go and sit there only contributing when it was required of her, other than that she would normally sit ther quietly waiting for the end of the session. Today was no exception.

They were all sitting around waiting for Dr. Kadoma to join them. A few of the other kids were sitting around in groups talking to each other. Callie never saw a point of this when they were finished none of them would probably see each other ever again. She chose only to make relationships with people when she knew they were going to be around for a while. The door to the center open and all talking came to a slow halt and all eyes fell on the therapist who had a girl who looked to be a few years younger then Callie was.

"Every one this is Sarah she is going to be joining our group. So please make her feel welcome." Dr. Kadoma's voice filled the room and a few people smiled at the young girl who looked slightly un-comfortable. She gave a small wave and and lloked around the only seat left was next to Callie. She gave the girl a small smile as she sat down.

"So Sarah why dont you tell us a bit about your self?" The girl looked up at the therapist and nodded before taking a breath.

"Well i just got place in a new foster home. The Olmstead's are a nice family." After that Callie didn't hear a word she said. There weren't many people with that last name. And even fewer who were foster parents. Actually Callie was sure they were the only ones with that name in the system.

Callie couldn't think straight, this girl who was younger than she was is stuck int that house with that monster. What if he was doing the same thing to her as he had done to Callie. If he wasn't it would only be a matter of time before he was. Callie knew how he worked.

Group wasn't long but for Callie it drug on and on. She didn't speak during the who session her mind was everywhere. Mostly on this young girl who could be going through what she had. She tried to listen she really did. This was part of her probation but she jus could not focus.

When Dr. Kadoma finally called the session to an end everyone got up to leave some in their small groups others on there own. Callie had the intention to talking to Sarah but was stopped when she was called by the therapist. Looking over her shoulder Callie sighed and walked over to where the older woman was standing.

"Callie are you okay? You seemed very distacted today you hardly said a word." She could hear the concern in the older womans voice. For a therapist Callie thought she was actually a pretty decent one. She still hated comeing to this though.

"Oh uh yeah I've just been having a rough few days. It is being taken care of though." She knew the woman would want to talk about what had been happening with her but Callie really did not need it at the moment.

"Yes so I've heard you foster mothers told me you are seeing another therapist for some one on one. You know you can talk about what ever is happening in group everyone is here to support you. No one will judge you." That wasn't going to happen Callie thought to her self. She hated coming to these group sessions in the first place. She hated hereing all the sob stories everyone told. Sure it may help some of them and if it did all the more power to them. But Callie prided her self on being a private person. None of these people needed to here it, they had all been through the horrors of the system. There was no point bringing it up to a bunch of kids who had been through it.

Sure callie understood that was the point of group. Share with people who understand what you are going through. But Callie her self just couldn't do it. She couldn't wait until she was off probation and could finally stop coming to these meetings.

"No it's fine. I prefer people not to know what is going on in my personal life. Thank you though." The woman went to say something but Callie cut her off. what ever she was about to say Callie really didn't care about. "Look I have to go my foster brother is outside waiting for me and weneed to get home. We are having a family night and Stef and Lena don't like it when we are late. We have to pick some stuff up from dinner anyway." With that she grabbed her bag and left the room hoping to be able to catch up to Sarah on her way out.

She stepped out of the center and looked around spotting Brandon right away he was playing on his phone so he could wait a few minutes. Looking around again she caught sight of the younger girl and jogged over to her.

"Hey, these things suck don't they?" The girl looked up as Callie spoke. She smiled softly at the older girl and shrugged.

"Yeah I guess my foster parents think it will do me some good."

"Yeah same with mine." She didn't want to tell the girl it was court oredered in fear of scaring the girl off. "So look these people they want us to make freinds with in the group something about getting us closer together or something. So I was wondering if maybe you would want to hang out sometime." The girl smiled brightly and her and nodded.

"Yeah that sounds awesome. Of course I will have to ask my foster parents but I am sure they wouldn't mind. They have been telling me I need to make more freinds. That is part of the reason why they sent me here in the first place."

"Awesome maybe next week after group we could get some coffee or something." She heard someone calling her name and she looked over to see Brandon waving her over. "Well looks like my ride is here. I will see you next week." The younger girl said good bye and Callie left her and walked over to Brandon.

"New friend?" He asked.

"Yeah something like that." Callie replied. She now had to think of a plan. A way to find out if Liam was pulling the same stunt with this girl. She now had a week to figure out that plan. She knew the girl was not safe in that house and she needed to get out of there.

With that the two got in Brandon's car and started the drive home. Callie was trying to think of a way to help this girl when Brandon finally broke the silence.

"So who was that girl?" Callie looked over at him and raised her eyebrow.

"You haven't made plans to hang out with a single person since you started going to that group. And now all of a sudden you find someone to be friends with so spill. Who is she?" Well he was smarter than she gave him credit for.

"She has been placed in one of mine and Judes old foster homes. I want to make sure she is alright that is all." She saw no point in lying to him. He already knew something was up.

"If it is serious you need to get mom to help you."

"I can handle it Brandon I don't even know if anything is going on I just want to make sure she is alright. If there is something going on i promise I will ask Stef for help." He left it alone after that. He wasn't sure if he believed her. But with Callie he knew when she set her mind to something it would get done whether or not it was safe.

_**AN: Sorry guys i haven't updated this in a while i have been having trouble with inspiration for this story. Im going to try and update again soon.**_


	22. Chapter 22

_**AN: Thank you guys for being so patient with me on this story I know I do not update as much it as much as I used too. I kinda got sucked up in my other story Help me understand. But this was my first story on here and I refuse to give it up. So once again thanks for being so patient. A little bit of warning there is mentions of cutting in this.**_

Callie laid in bed that night after meeting Sarah, he mind was refusing to shut off. She couldn't seem to force it to quiet down no matter how tired her body felt. She wished she could just go to sleep.

Liam had been on her mind ever since that day at the mall, Callie hated how he always seemed to find a way to ruin her happiness. Meeting Sarah and knowing that poor girl was stuck in the house with that monster was what was keeping her awake. She needed to get to know Sarah more to see if Liam was trying anything with the younger girl. Callie knew Liam better than anyone else. He had this charisma about him that made you believe you could trust him. It made it very easy for young naïve girls to fall into his trap. Callie had been one of them she often wondered if there had been others besides her or if it was just her life that man had ruined.

Even though Callie had been a lot more guarded and wary about people getting close to her when she was with Liam than Sarah seemed to be it was still easy for him to trap the older girl. Liam was someone who knew how to get what he wanted, nothing stood in the way. Not laws, not morals, no amount of pleading or crying had stopped him when he took what he wanted from Callie.

When she was in the Olmsted house hold Liam would give Callie what she now knew were back handed compliments. He would often tell her things like how beautiful she was and that it was a shame that no one else but him would ever see her that way. Or how she was amazing in his eyes but how sad it was that the rest of the world would see her as just a worthless foster kid.

At the time all Callie had her was the older boy complimenting her. She thought it was so romantic that even though she was broken he still saw the beauty and goodness in her, something she had long ago thought to have disappeared. But now, now Callie knew that he was slowly getting her to think he was the only one who would ever think she was pretty and worth their time. That was one of the many reasons she had such a low sense of self worth and self esteem. He would often build it up as high as he could before knocking it back down lower than before. He had wanted her to depend on him to come to him when she was feeling worthless. Callie was ashamed to say but she had done exactly as he wanted her too.

At first Callie had had the sense to deny his advances. She had not wanted to be with him that way at all. She was only fourteen sure he was handsome but she did not want that. She had not wanted to be with him that way she had wanted a family for her and Jude. When she had told Liam that he had become very enraged after she turned him down. He spewed insult after insult her way constantly for weeks. He had kept telling her that she was lucky a guy like him had wanted her.

Callie was ashamed at how easily it was for him to tear her down. She had tried holding on to her sense of self worth and pride but he quickly took that away from her as well. Liam had done it so quickly and suddenly it was as if he had dropped a bomb on her.

When it all ended and she was sifting through the rubble and was trying to pick up the shattered remains he came in like a night in shining armor. The compliments started back up this time even sweeter than before. He would buy her many gifts and show her the love he had always craved. At that time Callie was naïve and hadn't realized the reason she was so broken down was become of him. When he started being nice to her again she had forgotten all of the nasty and cruel words he said to her, she only remembered everything nice he had done for her. He was giving her the attention she had never before received. Callie would be lying if she said she didn't enjoy it. At the time it was nice to feel wanted. Still though she was only fourteen she hadn't known what he was doing. But Liam, Liam knew exactly what he was doing he could see his plan was working. He could see what he was doing to the fragile fourteen year old. It was almost as if it was a sick and twisted game for the nineteen year old. He hadn't liked being rejected and he always got what he wanted. Callie understood that now more than anyone. Even his parents.

Liam had successfully torn down what was left of Callie's hope single handedly.

The Olmsted's were a lovely family. And if it hadn't been for Liam the man who haunted Callie's dreams she would have hoped they would have wanted to adopt her and Jude. Liam had ruined that for them as well. Callie refused to let that worthless excuse for a human being do that to another girl.

Callie was sitting up in bed by this point looking at the clock it was a little after one in the morning. Looking down she had noticed that she had been absent mindedly rubbing one of the scars on her left wrist. She had done this right after Liam. One of the other foster kids in their next house had told Callie how cutting had worked to block out the pain. Callie had always sworn she would never be one of those kids who turned to this form of therapy. She swore she would never do anything like that but at the time that was what she needed, she needed to forget what he had done to her. what he had taken from her. Callie wanted to feel nothing. The other girl had sworn to her that this would help. And much to Callie's dismay she had eventually turned to it one night when everything had become too much for her to handle. Cutting had felt all to good, doing exactly what it was promised to do.

Though after that one time Callie swore to never do it again. She couldn't do that to Jude or her new family. She couldn't do it to her self either she was finally starting to get better, she refused to fall down that path. Though her she was thinking about it, she was already on the edge and it was a slippery slope.

Callie felt the urge all to often for her liking. It was like the little devil sitting on her shoulder, whispering that everything would be okay if she just let it. It called out to her making promises of taking away her pain and suffering. Callie was very tempted by it.

Therapy had been helping her make some progress to get away from that edge but it had only moved her a few inches away. She knew she still had miles to go. Right now with Liam fresh on her mind she had moved closer to the temptation . She knew this was how addictions started you get one taste and you crave it more and more until it consumes you. Callie did not want that to happen. She was getting better, She didn't want to ruin the progress she had worked so hard for.

Callie stood from her been and quietly crept out of the room careful not to wake Mariana in the process she didn't need anyone asking questions. This was already hard enough for her to do on her own. The last thing she needed right now was for someone to ruin the courage she had mustered to start walking down the hallway. She was doing something she had never thought she would. Her legs had carried her this far she could not chicken out now. She refused to do that this was something she needed.

Raising her hand she knocked on Stef and Lena's door making it loud enough for just the women inside to hear. The were probably sleeping but if she let her mind wander anymore she knew she would do something that would cause her so much regret. Callie would hate her self if she let it come to that again. She waited about thirty seconds and heard a light click on in the room causing her breath to catch and her heart beat to pick up. Yes she needed this but even that fact did not make this any less nerve wracking. She watched as the door swung open revealing Lena's face. She watched as the older woman's eyes took in who was at the door and saw the look of concern fill her face. She had every right to though none of them ever thought Callie would ever come talk to them in the middle of the night or really any time. That fact alone surprised Callie the most she had almost turned around and went back to her bed in the short walk it took to get her.

"Callie? Love what's wrong?" Lena's voice filled the hallway breaking the silence of the dark house.

"Is that invitation to talk at anytime still open?" Everyone who was listening could hear the hesitation in the young girls voice. It was clear she was unsure if she was welcome.

"Of course love come in." The older woman led the young girl to the bed where Stef had finally woken up enough to see what was going on. Her eyes took in Callie. It was obvious she was nervous that was clear as day but she was happy it didn't look like she had had a panic attack. So what had happened that made her come to them in the middle of the night? Stef knew the offer was always there but she never figured Callie would ever take them up on that, not that she was complaining of course. She was very glad that the girl was finally seeing she could come talk to them. But she was also worried about what had made the girl decide to take them up on it.

"Come sit sweets tell us what is on that beautiful mind of yours." Stef spoke patting the spot on the bed next to her. It was clear as day the young girl was nervous so Stef was trying to make her feel as comfortable as possible. The nickname had caused her to smile though so Stef saw that as a little victory.

When the three of them finally got settled on the bed the two women looked at Callie expectantly waiting for her to speak. Though now that she was there in the bed it looked as if the girl was frozen in her spot.

"Callie?" Lena's voice was soft and soothing almost as if she was talking to a fightened child which at this point Stef figured she was. Callie had a hard time opening up and even though she came to them on her own it didn't make doing this any easier for her. She watched as Lena reached over and placed her hand on the girls shoulder causing her to come out of her trance and made to scramble off the bed.

"I'm sorry for waking you I shouldn't have come. It isn't important." he moment those words left Callie's mouth both mothers moved to stop her. The were successful and sat her back on the bed.

"No love no running away anymore remember?" Stef watched as Callie nodded she didn't relax any but she stopped trying to move away from them. "Now I don't care how long this takes I know this is hard for you. But you are going to tell us why you needed to talk." Her voice was firm and left no room for argument but soft enough so the young girl didn't shut them out again.

The three of them sat there like that for some time. Both mothers meaning what was said they didn't care how long it took they would wait for Callie to talk to them.

Callie was trying to wait them out but at the same time the more rational part of her brain was screaming at her to open her mouth and talk to the women. It was obvious they cared what was going on with her and were not going to let this one go. She honestly as glad they were refusing to let her leave. No matter how scared she was to talk to them about this she knew it needed to be done. Taking a deep breath she flipped over her left arm and placed it on her leg. It took a few moments for them to see what she was showing them but when they did Callie knew they had seen the faded scars. Each mother took in a sharp breath.

Lena was the run to reach over and run her fingers gently over the raised lines on her arm.

" Oh Callie..." She whispered and looked up at the girls face.

"I haven't done it since then but the urge has been popping up in my mind lately and I don't want to do it ever again. But when I did this it took away the pain. I just want the pain I am feeling now to stop." Just getting through those few sentences was hard for Callie. The lump in her throat was making it hard for her to talk.

"What... What made you.." Lena trailed off not wanting to say those words. The question was on both mothers minds. Stef had still yet to take her eyes off her daughters wrist. It was obvious that this had happened sometime ago but seeing and hearing hat her daughter had turned to this was tearing her heart apart.

"The man Mariana and I ran into at the mall. After what he did I just.. I couldn't. I didn't know how to deal with it all and this happened. And seeing him made all those feelings come back like a freight train."

"What did he do Callie?" Stef finally spoke tearing her eyes from those scars to look into Callie's eyes. She could now see all the pain the young girl was feeling. The haunted look in the young girls eyes broke both of the mothers hearts.

AN: So I was going through and re-reading this story and all the comments and someone had wanted me to go a little deeper into Callie cutting and this seemed like a good spot to do it. This chapter and the next will probably be the only other times I mention it in this story for a while. I am trying to stay away from that topic for a bit for personal reasons. Anyways I hope you guys enjoyed and I will most likely get the next chapter up in the next few days.


	23. Chapter 23

_**AN: Hey guys i appologize for being away for so long. I know I promised to have this story updated a while ago but if you read my other story I mentioned I have been going through a tough time dealing with some personal issues and everything kind of took a turn for the worst and I just needed to get away for a bit to help my self deal with everything. I am almost possitive I am back now though so yeah hopfully there are people still out there reading this. There will be some talk of rape in this chapter I am going to keep it at a minimum though. So if that triggers you please do not read this.**_

_"What did he do Callie?"_ Callie knew she needed to answer Stef she knew she did but the lump in her throat was preventing any sound from coming out. She wanted to answer thm though she needed to answer. Callie knew holding this in any longer would do more harm than good. It wouldn't help get Sarah out of that house and it would allow Liam to keep ruining young girls lives. But even though she knew all of this it did not make it any easier to speak. It actually made it harder for the teenager to talk. She had the fate of two people in her hand and she did not like that feeling.

"Callie love?" She looking down to see Lena's hand on her forearm, she could feel the stength and protectiveness coming from the older woman. Callie knew both women were concerned. She hadn't spoken for ten minutes after Stef's question and even though they had reason to be concerned Callie did not want that. She knew every possible senario was running through there mind and she was almost possitve that they had both already thought of the right one.

"He um he." she paused to run her fingers through her hair with shakey hands. Both women saw and imidiatly placed calming hands on her wishing they could just take away all of the girls pain. She honestly had no idea where to start with this entire thing. How do you tell someone you were raped?

"Start from the begining love and take your time if you need to stop we can we have all night sweets." Both women watched as the young girl nodded and shared a look. They both had already guessed what had happened but they needed Callie to tell them so they knew they weren't just jumping to conclussions. The wanted to make sure they had all of the facts so they could take all the nessicary steps.

"Jude and I went to stay with the Olmesteds almost two years ago. They were a very nice family but their son he was older than us he was nineteen at the time he took an interest in me. I thought it was nice at first because most homes we went too thath ad already had children were some of the worst because they were jelous and made life hell. But Liam he embraced us and was actually excited for us to join their home. I didn't notice it at first but he took more of an interest in me than Jude. Maybe it was because I had never been the one out of the two of us to get the attention like that it was usually Jude, but I.. I liked it. After a while I started to notice the lingering touches and the way he was looking at me. It wasn't the way a sibling looks at another. At first I ignored it he was older than me he couldn't want me like that. But then it he started doing it more often testing the limits. I was uncomfortable and I knew I should have told someone but who would believe me? I tried to get him to stop but he just wouldn't." Callie paused taking a deep breath she was refusing to meet the eyes of the two women in the room. She was ashamed that she had allowed that man to get so close to allow any of it to happen.

Stef was dying to ask questions the cop side of her was kicked into full drive as well as the maternal side of her. It was a dangerous combination and if she ever got her hands on the man who did this to her daughter she would make him regret every time he laid hands on the teenager. She wanted to say something anything to comfort the girl but she couldn't speak she did not want to scare the girl. It was obvious she had more to say and both her and Lena were afraid that if either of them spoke it would cause Callie to close up again and they would never hear the rest of what had happened to the girl. Even though it was hurting them to hear what she had been through they knew that the girl needed to speak about this.

"After a while I just became used to the touches and things he would say and then I started to like them. I knew I shouldn't have It was wrong I knew it was, I knew the conciquences that would happen if anyone saw what was going on but it felt nice. He treated me better than anyone ever had. At least I thought he did but looking back I know he was just trying to get to me to get me to turn to him. Then one night after everyone went to bed it stopped feeling nice. I begged him to stop I tried telling him I wasn't ready but he wouldn't listen he just kept going. Liam he.."

By this point tears were freely streaming down the young girls cheeks. All of the memories were becoming too much for her she hadn't thought about that night for the longest time but right now all the emotions running through her felt fresh like they had the night all of this had happened. She couldn't bring her self to say that one word no matter how hard she tried she just couldn't. She had never said it before Jude knew what had happened but even then she didn't say it. He still understood what had happened though.

"Callie did Liam rape you?" Stef's question was what broke the silence in the room. Though she would have prefered that silence to what this version of it felt like. The way Callie had flinched when she asked that question had answered it for her. Now the silence in the room fealt heavy like it was weighing down on all of them and they could not move from their spots. No one knew what to say or do. Stef wanted to go to the station and start a report but she knew that wouldn't do her daughter any good it could wait until morning but right now she just wanted to pull her daughter into a hug and protect her from the world and all of the evil in it.

"There is another girl in the house now." Came Callie's quiet voice. She hadn't wanted to speak all she wanted to do was break down in one of her mothers arms but she wouldn't ruin what she had intentionally came in here to do. Sarah needed her even if she didn't know it. Callie refused to let the younger girl be ruined by that monster.

"What?" No one knew who spoke it but it came from one of the two older women in the room. It could have been both of them for all they knew.

"Sarah she lives with them now I met her in group. I won't let that happen to her."

Stef wished Callie had came to them about this on her own free will but the fact that she had gone through what she did this night and faced all of these emotions to help another girl made Stef extremely proud of the teenager sitting on the bed next to her.

"I will take care of it love I promise." That was all Callie needed to hear before she allowed her self to fall into their arms. She trusted Stef and knew that she would do anything to protect the other girl. She knew nothing could be done that night so for that moment she allowed her self to be comforted by her mothers. Not that anything would have been able to tear either one away from her at that moment.

AN: I know this is shorter than my normal stuff but I didn't want to keep you guys waiting any longer than I already have.


	24. Chapter 24

_**AN: Hey guys I know I suck I have been completely neglecting this story. I haven't meant to but I have been going through some personal stuff and just haven't been able to put my heart into writing and I would rather not write anything instead of putting up some half assed chapter of anything. Any ways sorry for the wait and hopefully you guys enjoy.**_

Stef and Lena woke up earlier than normal that morning neither could sleep with what their daughter had admitted to them the night before. How could they when they learned she was raped? The more they learned about Callie's past the more they wanted to protect her from the evil of the world. But it seemed to be far to late for that. The poor girl had been through so much in the years she had been in foster care they were sure they didn't even know half of everything the teenager had been through, they probably never would. Callie was a closed book when it came to her troubled past she was the type of person who preferred to move on with life and shove all the bad memories into the back of her mind and hopefully never have to deal with it ever again.

The two women went down to the kitchen Stef starting a pot of coffee for the two of them, the blonde looked at the clock on the coffee maker and sighed it was only four in the morning. She leaned against the counter letting it hold her weight. She felt as though the weight of the world was pressing down on her shoulders. She had been feeling this a lot more lately, the more she learned about her oldest daughters life before them it made her heart hurt for the two newest members on their family. As their mother she hated that she wasn't there to protect them from everything that had happened to them. Every time she dealt with a case that dealt with child abuse she felt this way but knowing these to children had no one there to protect them for years it made it all the more heart breaking knowing that these were her children and there was no way she could ease any of the pain they felt. Pain they would carry with them for the rest of their lives it killed her as a mother and a cop. They had been let down by the justice system as well as the foster system. Callie had gone to juvie just trying to protect her little brother from an abusive foster father and no one in the justice system had thought to check into it. They had left Jude with out his sister who had been his only shield from all the abuse those to children and they took that away from him with out a second thought. She wondered what had happened to the boy in those few months that Callie had been in juvie but if she was being honest to her self she really did not want to know. But if the boy were to come to her and wanted to talk about it she would listen. It would be with a heavy heart but she would be there for him for either of them. She had promised her self months ago when they found out that Jude existed and saved him from that house that she would be there for these two children no matter where they were, weather it be in their house or another house she would make sure they were safe and no one would ever harm them again.

She almost jumped as she felt a pair of arms wrap around her mid section, but relaxed as she felt Lena's body press into her back. Well she relaxed as much as she could due to the circumstances.

"Where did you go just then?" The words were spoken just soft enough for her to hear. They both knew none of the kids would wake up if they were to talk at in a normal volume but with everything that had been going on neither of them wanted to chance waking any of the kids up. Before she answered Stef leaned back into her partner letting the other woman's calming presence wash over her and relax her more. It wasn't often that they got time to just them selves with five teenagers in one house it was hard for even two minutes of solitude but she wouldn't change it for the world. She just toke these moments and treasured them as much as she could.

"I was just thinking of Callie and Jude." She felt Lena smile into her shoulder and heard her chuckle slightly. She raised her eye brown and turned around in the other womans arms wrapping her own around Lenas shoulders and looked into her eyes. "What?"

"Oh nothing, just if I didn't know any better I would swear Callie was yours by birth. You two and your vague answers." Lena replied with a smirk playing on her lips.

"We are a lot alike aren't we?" Stef spoke with a fond smile forming on her lips. It was true they had both notices many mannerisms from the teenager that were so similar to the blond woman that she honestly could easily be mistaken for Stef's biological daughter.

"Very much so. Now what were you thinking about?" And just like that the seriousness was back in the room. It didn't surprise Stef though they had come down here to talk.

"Their past it kills me that we weren't there to stop all of the horrible things that happened to them. I hate hearing everything that has happened to hem. I mean don't get me wrong I am happy they trust us enough to open up and talk to us about it but it kills me when I hear it I just wish we could have got them years ago and stopped all of this from happening to them. And it terrifies me that they could be going from us to another horrible placement. I know Bill is doing his best but how many bad homes has he put them in? Honestly I don't trust his judgment. They have moved from one abusive home to the next and now finding out about Liam I just.. It scares me so much Lena."

"It scares me to and honestly I don't want them to leave they have become such a big part of our family I don't think I could handle letting them go and seeing them leave." Stef knew Lena had felt this way the moment she had come home the night Lena had brought Callie home she had known in the back of her mind they were going to love the hardened teenager but once they had brought Jude home it felt as though their home was finally complete, like the final two pieces of their home were finally there. They hadn't even known they were missing but these two children had made this home even better.

"So what to you want to do love?" Stef asked she knew what her partner would want to do but she needed to hear the other woman say it.

"I want to make this their permanent home I know we said this was only temporary and we didn't have the room but we made room and I'm sure the other kid wouldn't mind adding two more members to this family." They would have to talk to the three other's but they already knew what they would say.

"Well then I guess we will have to talk to the kids. Those two are already our children and I wont let them go." Stef said with a smile forming on her lips. This was the right move. Those two kids were finally going to have a family again.

_**AN: I hope you guys enjoyed I wanted to add a bit of fluff to this while keeping some of the feeling from the last chapter still going. I know I am not going off the actual story line I hope you don't mind too much. I am going to try and put as much of the story line from the show into this if I miss something I apologize. But I wanted to make this mine not copy the show exactly.**_


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